Sunday, November 7, 2010

Visiting Grandma

I decided to join my parents on the Sunday night trip to Grandma's. I haven't really be over to visit my grandparents in a while.

So here I am sitting next to a space heater, in the Family room working on my NaNo project, half watching the military channel with my Grandfather, who is a Veteran. I think this is the first time I have seen him stay on a channel for more than five minutes at a time. He typically changes channels after about five minutes. That's hopeful considering Grandpa's Alzheimer's is getting worse by the day.

Speaking of Grandpa and his Alzheimer's disease, today hasn't been the best of days. He didn't remember that Grandma had sold the RV to the church pastor and so when my Dad and I began helping grandma clean it out today, he grew upset. That's was easy and it was worse when Grandma tried her best not to cry over having to sell the RV. But they are getting older (they are both in their 80s) and can't do all that they want to with it and it's become more of a hassle than they can handle.

But after the RV clean out, we had dinner. Which brings me to the next part of the evening. My mother is asleep at the dinning room table after having taken her medicine for migraine and what ever else it is she needs to take. My Dad is sleeping a few feet from with with the dog on his lap, probably due to a mixture of food coma and exhaustion. I am waiting for my Grandma to come in so I can show her my NaNo project because I think she might actually like it. It has also been a long time since Grandma has read anything I have written. Of course this isn't the best stuff and it's only a rough draft so I'm actually wondering if I should just keep it to myself instead of actually showing her. I told her a little about it and she seemed annoyed that there are vampires in my story. *Sigh*

It used to be that when we came to visit my grandparents, we'd eat and then sit around talking. It seems that over the years a visit to grandma's now consists of helping grandma around the house a little bit, eating, and then sleeping. Nothing is what it used to be and just seems pathetic and depressing. I don't know why my Grandma wants us to come over anymore.

I think I want a cigarette but I quit smoking and part of me wants to delve into the liquor friends have left at my house for safe keeping and get really drunk. However I don't really even drink. In short I think I am depressed and looking for something, anything almost, to take the sting out of all the disappointment and not so efficiently caged frustration and anger that keeps building inside. My coping devices are losing their potency and of course they would with lack of support from family and friends despite my efforts to read and offer advice. Recently I quit offering advice to friends, especially when they make idiotic decisions that I know will end badly, knowing that if I say something it will only piss them off no matter how courteous and gentle, tactful I say it.

*sigh* I'm done muttering venting for the evening and need to get back to work if I want to get anything done at all.

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