Wednesday, August 10, 2011
A new endeavor and struggling
The dust is starting to settle… somewhat. There is finally a hint of routine in daily life as I know it. All our visitors have come and gone, this quarter is almost over, and I’m am more than ready for Fall to come so I can close the door on this rather stressful summer.
I’ve just about had it with my lower back problems and in turn, I’m tired of listening to both my Grandparents hound me about my weight every time I see them. While I love them both very much and more than appreciate their concern, I would like a different topic of conversation when I visit them. So, I’ve decided that I’m ready to really do something about it.
I started walking this week, outside, in the sunlight, as much as I dislike being out in the heat. Now I haven’t done it every day this week, yesterday I wasn’t feeling very well, but it’s a start. I’ve also cut down on meal portions and instead of eating full meals; I’m eating small snacks throughout the day. I’m not depriving myself from things I like to eat that way I have less of a chance of giving up, just eating things I like that are better for me. I get my chocolate fix in the morning with a Clif bar for breakfast, have yogurt twice a day, eat just a sandwich or something small in the middle of the day, make something for dinner but only eat a little of it, and for a snack a couple of hours before bed, I eat a little cheese and crackers. And, most importantly, I’ve dropped drinking real soda unless Quetzal and I go out, which isn’t that often, for water.
I haven’t set a goal of how much weight to lose because I always get discouraged. So, I am merely doing this and taking it as it goes. It’s not easy, I’ve been cranky and depressed, but I’m pushing along and hopefully, with time and effort, I’ll be a thinner.
That aside, living with my parents is beginning to become stressful again, which I suppose is kind of a blessing since it’s encouraging me to be out of the house more. Since Quetzal and I don’t have a lot of money, it means that we go more places, do a lot of window shopping, and more importantly, walking.
Trying to stay positive while chaos spits on my picnic hasn’t been the easiest of tasks and sometimes I wonder where my head is. That and I am a running Queen of looking at life at a glass half empty. I thought living back at home would make things a little easier but my Mom and I are already butting heads. She still wants me to be a little girl and she definitely wants a maid but most of all she wants control. She hasn’t been particularly nice either. I’ve set up some boundaries while respecting hers and while I’ve been doing my best to let things said roll off my shoulders… We’ve had a few arguments. I try to remember what one of my instructors told me “If someone is being mean or hurtful, they are probably in a lot of pain themselves”, and I know my Mom is in a lot of pain, I’ve helped take care of her when she’s knocked off her feet with it. It isn’t something new; she’s been dealing with chronic pain for years now. But sometimes I wish she would funnel her frustration into something she enjoys instead of attacking me or trying to pick fights with me.
Finally, to end on a good note, I am taking a little more time for myself. I haven’t really worked on any stories just yet, but I’ve got a couple of projects lined up that will engage some of the areas of personal interest I’ve left on the back burner. One being, to do general design mock ups for the new place (when we get it). Another is to work on some scrap booking and card making projects. There are several books I want to read, non-text book in nature.