Revamping the goals, new cell phone, and I did some scary shit!

I've been perusing Pinterest for craft ideas, d.i.y. projects, and art I'd like to get for the house. This is one of those "oooo, pretty, maybe, yes?" pieces that I've been ogling and strangely enough it kind of fits with something we talked about in class: shielding. Those who are familiar with chakras will see the color and probably get where my head went in regards to correlation. But enough about that and on to the rest. 

I finally have a new cell phone! I told my Dad to take me off the family plan and then told him about the deal Metro PCS is running. I'd really wanted to stay with T-mobile, I've been with them since high school but they just cost too much. Amanda had been grandfathered in on a cheaper plan from when she started 10 years ago, and adding me would have taken her out of that and jacked up her rate over double. However, Metro had a get 2 phones and two line plan with a data cap for 60 dollars. They did have the same deal with unlimited data for 80 dollars, but we don't use that much data. I mean, on my Dad's family plan that had him, my mom, and me, we never even touched the 2 gig mark. So, yeah, new phone, new number, decent rate, and I can actually use apps on it! Speaking of which, I had to remove the 'planetary times' app (I was curious how that all worked) when it went off and scared the crap out of me. 

I've had to revamp my goals list. There is an assignment for school in which I need to make 12 goals, 1 for each astrological sign, and plant seeds to watch them grow. I didn't have 12 goals and more importantly they didn't all fit into the type of goals for each sign. Redoing them was relatively easy but I am going to have to find another avenue of 'planting' them. I know the idea is to watch them grow/develop throughout the year, but anything I plant will have to be started inside and well, I have three determined and crafty cats in the house who like to get into things. The watching them part will just have to be through my own observations, which I think I can handle. When I get done with my "planting" part, I'll probably post the new goals as another form of "planting" which I like to think is also accountability. 

So, I did some scary shit recently. We are apparently supposed to lead at least one devotional before we can progress to the next grade level. I had been thinking about possibly volunteering, but I had been under them impression that it was only an upper classmen sort of role until the devo lead popped into one of my classes and was looking for volunteers. Well, I was 'interviewed' and approved, added to the devo lead list, given all the scripts to practice, and shown how to do all the technical stuff. No one is leading tomorrow morning... or rather they weren't and now I am. And I signed up for all the Wednesdays beginning in late March. I don't know if I am going to do any in the evening or not, I kind of want evenings with Amanda as much as possible since before I started school, I'd already felt like I didn't get enough face to face time with her.  We will see. As of right now, I'm hoping I don't over sleep. I hope I get enough sleep and I hope I don't mess up. Those who show up for morning devotional will hear me though the computer, its kind of scary.  

Following that, I also sent off an e-mail tonight to someone who handles I guess the editing and writing stuff for the pagan online magazine. Scholarship students can apparently do their service hours doing stuff in that regard. But, even if I don't get approved for any of that, I at least want to see if I can submit some pagan geared short stories and or poems. That in and of itself is stepping out of my comfort zone. 

Okay, the cats are fussing that its way passed bedtime and I need to get Miss Snorealax to bed. Amanda is sleeping on the guest bed here in the office, waiting for me to finish up for the night.

Bad Kitty, cold breakfast, leaves falling, and writing

Art work by Joseph Vargo 

At 52 degrees Fahrenheit, this morning is a bit chilly. I've been up since around 7 am this and opened the windows to let in fresh air, but it is only now that it seems the birds are truly waking up. Perhaps my rattling around the kitchen in my efforts to cook breakfast and clean kept the quite. Maybe me yelling at Narcisa to get her claws out of the screens and to stay off the altar frightened them. And maybe my hobbling about outside made them hide. Perhaps not since they've gone silent again. For me its been a semi- productive morning. 

Despite my desire to go back to bed this morning, I got up about 15 minutes before Amanda left for work. I was having really weird and kind of upsetting dreams anyway and didn't really want to return to dream land- especially when it involved me being in India and not being able to go pee even though I was in a bathroom, and having some bad people chasing me, I think because I went to some weird forest and brought brought people/creatures back with me... I am not really 100% clear on that. The forest was in another dimension... Or at least it felt that way.  

Anyway, I was up, brushed my hair, got dressed, and came out to the wreck of the Hesperus- as Amanda's Dad often calls messy houses. Groaning a little, I started coffee and cooking my breakfast. While that as going, I emptied the dishwasher, put in the new load, and started that. Because Narcisa was being a bad cat this morning, I spent some time scolding her, and then cleaning up the mess she made of the altar. She ate one of the pieces of wheat a friend gave us and tried, once again, to run off with some Rowan berries. I also spent a little time picking up the living room before my ankle told me it was time to get off it. Of course by this time my breakfast and cup of coffee were both cold and Narcisa was still getting into and onto things she knows she shouldn't. 

After I ate, I decided to carefully shove my feet into my shoes and go outside to collect a few leaves. No, it probably wasn't the best idea to hobble around the back yard with my ankle the way it is, but I want pretty leaves damn it, and I wanted to check on our pumpkins. We have two green ones and two orange ones. I think I am going to have Amanda pick the orange ones today.

Because I am a list maker, I've made a list of things I would like to get done today. One of those is to do some personal homework. I have two books to read and some writing to do, which I am pretty excited about. My thought was to hole up in my bedroom at my desk, but its so nice out today and the view out of my dining room window is so pretty. Plus the leaves are falling, birds, squirrels, and cats are running about, and Narcisa is naping- finally- on the ottoman. So, I think I will stay in the dining room. 

Now to go along with some of that writing, I am need to start brainstorming what I am going to do for  Magaly Guerrero's Witches in Fiction Challenge. Due on Oct 21st, I think this particular challenge is going to bring about some positive energies through the participants. Sure, we'll be looking at stuff that's harming or rotting the world, but in turn we'll be seeing what each other brings to help heal it and I think that's what's going to heal a little bit. No, it's not going to change the world or fix it but I do think every little bit helps. 

Lastly, I am going to share some crappy pictures taken with my phone. I would have taken them with my good camera but my computer hates the memory card and grrr, I don't want to talk about it. Anyway, here are some pictures.

This morning's list and my coffee- you can get that mug at Wal-Mart, for those of you who want it.

Here is my Autumn/ Halloween Altar, for the moment. Typically we have two pictures on either side of Hern but since we moved the altar over to make room for the TV so we could get the fireplace ready for cooler weather, they haven't gone up again yet. And we need to unplug the air conditioner and do something with the cord. 

I turned the photo of my Grandparents around because my Grandma said she didn't want her picture on the internet some time ago- never mind that I have some beautiful photos of her and my Grandpa that I would proudly share...

Left side of the altar.

And the right side. 

I know it's almost 1 am but it's still Wednesday for me, so Haunted Hump day still counts.

It's that time of year again!

Since I am sick, I didn't feel up to picking up my house and taking pictures of my spooky decor. Don't worry, I am getting to it and haven't forgotten. Nor have I forgotten that I said I would share some pumpkin pictures on a Halloween Swap page on Facebook- they are on a camera that was moved and I keep forgetting to go look and to ask where it is. Fear not, I have made a page long list of stuff I want to try and accomplish over the next several days. Lists make my life so much easier. 

So, in lieu of spooky decor and really any current successful craft projects (my salt dough ornament experiment didn't work out the way I had hoped so I am moving on to sculpey), I will share a semi-spooky personal manifestation board I did several weeks back and a personal ghost story.

Here is my board. I wanted it to be more witchy but apparently I was channeling my inner goth/ vampire that day. There are some witch-ish elements shining through, but mostly it has to do with other aspects of my life. Since we as humans are multifaceted it makes sense. A more pagan-centric manifestation board has been planned to address my pagan goals, but I may just save that for Halloween night, you know since it is the Witch's new year and all that. 

On to the ghost story, which Marfi, who hosts Haunted Humpday, kind of inspired. Well, in so much as reminded me with her post, that I can post ghost stories too. Anyway, I am sure that those who have met me physically have heard this story, but those in internet land have not, read it if you wish. This is a personal experience dating back to when I was a very small child...

I woke up in the middle of the night scared, the cold sweat, to scared to make a noise, kind of scared. My bed faced the wall opposite my bedroom window. A street light always shone in and there was also the shadows from a large tree in the back yard. I used to lay in bed and entertain thoughts of a skeletal chicken army marching across my wall, so in some respects the tree plays a tiny part, in that most of what I would normally see, wasn't there. Instead it was blacked out by a black, child-sized figure perched on my windowsill, and it was watching me. I knew it was, its red eyes glowed on my wall, as if the wall was a mirror. It watched me for a few little bit then turned its attention to something outside. Somehow I managed to pull the covers up and hide, desperate and hoping that if I could just go back to sleep it would leave. 

I never saw it again. Some might say it was a really bad dream. For awhile I thought maybe it was until I heard an internet radio show hosted by a Shaman. I don't even remember what exactly he was talking about that recalled the memory of this creature, but I e-mailed him and described what had happened when I was younger. His response was that it probably wasn't a dream, that it was probably a creature that fed from children's fear. He had a friend who studies this kind of thing. Of course for the life of me I can't remember what her name was, but how freaking creepy. Now, I don't know how true this could be, because when I tried looking up information on such a creature, I was coming up with nothing. However, I didn't really look too hard or too long. I might do that in the near future.   

Lots of things, getting caught up, and something new

So much has happened since I last posted, tests, medical stuff, a camping trip, and I'm not sure where to begin. 

School, that's a good start. I finished lat term with a high B in both classes. Yay! Not A's but considering some of the crap I was dealing with, I am just so happy that I almost had A's. This new term seems like its going to be a good one. I've already had a week of it and really like both instructors.

Yoda is sick. He is bloated and at first we thought he was constipated. We took him to the vet but the vet said he wasn't and looked him over for a few more minutes. Basically if the bloating doesn't go down in the next week or so, we have to run some blood tests on him and see if he's having kidney or liver failure. So far he's been eating, drinking, and going to the bathroom the same, but he is sure sleeping a lot. I think he looks sad or uncomfortable and I am really worried about him, especially since he's losing more teeth. Yes, he is an old kitty. I have head him for 16-17 years and I love him dearly, but if he is suffering, I've made my peace with myself for when he needs to go. Jeeze, just thinking about it makes me cry. 

The weather has been nice. We went to the IEPG Frolicking with the Faeries pagan camp out last weekend. It was really great! I had a lot of fun and it was a nice way to end my first school term. I'll write more on that over in my pagan blog (which I have sorely neglected).

If anyone remembers, Skoora and I applied for a driving job. We thought it was going to be perfect! I wouldn't have to lift anything or stand for long hours, just drive. We told the people in charge of training and hiring that we could only work two days a week. We told them that several times and they seemed okay with it. They even scheduled us for more training and told us to expect a call in two weeks for when and where. That call never came. In fact we had to call them on said training day then wait two hours for a call back. The woman Skoora talked to, was huffy and said that we weren't a good fit because we could only work two days a week instead of full time 5-6 days a week. Um, no we didn't and she knows we didn't. And if they are hurting SO terribly for drivers as they say they are, they would have never gone through all the process of training and background checks and so forth. They just wasted company money and our time, not to mention our gas for when we had to drive into Spokane. Did I mention how utterly disorganized these people are and that I am going to have to get my bank account number changed because of it? One of the women who was training me, still had a voided personal check of mine I used to set up direct deposit. She never gave it to her boss.

Skoora actually thinks what really happened was that they decided they didn't want two lesbians working for them. She mentioned once in her interview when talking about me, that I was her girlfriend. I made the mistake in one of my training sessions, while trying to fill out paperwork for taxes of asking what I should put down because Skoora claimed me last year as a dependent. Yeah... But in the end, after most of our friends telling us they had bad feelings about this job, we simply told them, to forget it. I think I will be writing the company to tell them at least about the utter disorganization of their management here, what happened, how they handled things and so forth.  

I got a call Sunday or maybe it was Monday, I don't remember which, from my Mom. My Grandma had passed out and was in the hospital again. Of course no one has been very clear about the matter, only that Grandma is going to get something checked with her heart. My parents stayed over at my Grandparent's house with my Grandpa. Apparently Grandpa told my Mom that I am his favorite Grandkid (I'm the only one they had a great deal of contact with. I was at their house as much as I was at my own growing up) and wanted to know if he ad Grandma gave me the money to come home, if I would. Of course, I will come home. Skoora and I have made the plans and we are working on paying off debt and saving up enough to live on while she looks for work after we get there. It is just going to take us a little while. 

As for myself, health wise, I had to have an internal sonogram, which was really uncomfortable. The results showed nothing out of the ordinary. I look healthy. So my doctor's solution to the whole excessive bleeding- never ending period (which I'm back on again now that the birth control has faded from my system) is to continue to lose weight and take more birth control. REALLY?! Are you fucking kidding me?! My mother, who has always been thin, had this problem. My cousin, who is thin, had this problem, weight really isn't an issue at this point! Ugh! I'm so pissed about it that I asked my Dad if I started a go fund me page and essentially begged people for money for a hysterectomy (assuming I ever got enough) if I could just take it to a surgeon and ask them to do it. People get body modifications and sex changes, why can't I ask to have my internal girly bits removed?  Dad didn't know if that would work. 

So, since Skoora and I are trying to pay things off and save money, I have decided to stop taking my pain meds and all birth control. If I bleed all the time, fine. I don't want to pay over $20 a month for a migraine and nausea. My pain tolerance is higher now that I can manage the herniated disk pain with Advil or Ibuprofen (until I throw my back out that is). I know it's stupid but that give us $40 extra a month to put toward bills.

I have also decided that I am not actually ready to return to the work force. Not quite physically, and certainly not mentally. The last two-three years really hurt me emotionally and mentally. It was much worse than I ever let on and I am still trying to come out of that. It really shows when we are out in public, at least for me, because I am constantly trying to stave off panic attacks. So, my semi-solution to that is to put my sewing skills to use. Skoora is completely supportive and behind this, she's excited and even throwing out ideas for me. I am thinking about opening an Etsy shop wherein I'll sell tote bags, aprons, and whatever else I decide to make. I can embroider things as well, by hand of course. Eventually I would like to add things like jewelry, candles, soaps, and essential oils. 

I've really thought about this endeavor for awhile and it's a big risk. Fabric isn't cheap and there is a chance that I may not sell anything or much of anything at the beginning. In which case, friends and family will benefit at Christmas. But it is something and I will even look into doing craft fairs and such. I also have a lot of research ahead of me in looking for fabric on deals, getting started, getting stock made, ect...

It;s such a nice day out today. I would go out but I am really tired and needed to get some things indoors done. I opened the bedroom window and took a nice nap with Yoda today after I made Skoora's parent's anniversary cake. It is a kind of lopsided three tiered mint chocolate cake with dark chocolate icing. I'm going to go make dinner shortly. They wanted chicken and mashed potatoes. I wanted to do something more extravagant, but comfort food it is. 

I don't have many plans for this evening, just going to play it by ear. I do want to at least get a couple of my pagan blog posts written even post date them if I have too. And I want to plot out one of my stories so I can start writing it next month for Camp Nanowrimo!

   

Are you a Pagan, Wiccan, or a Witch? What's the difference?

About a week or so ago my girlfriend, her best friend, best friend's little brother, and I were in the car trying to find a suitable place to park and get into the north fork of the Coeur d'Alene river to swim. My girlfriend and I had just come from another friend's house, a friend who I met via Witch Vox- a social networking and informational site for those of the Pagan, Wiccan, Witch persuasion or for people just seeking understanding and knowledge of the aforementioned things.  Anyway, my girlfriend was telling her best friend how pretty this other friend had decorated her house, that this other friend was a Witch or a Wiccan, she didn't know which or something to that effect. Her best friend jumped on her rudely stating that we had better find out because there is a difference.

How critical, how annoying, and how frustrating! My reply was that I met this other friend on a website and I couldn't remember if she'd told me what she was and that it didn't matter to me. I said that it is personal information and if said other friend wishes to impart that information on to me then she can and will do so when she feels it's necessary. Until then it doesn't matter and I'm not going to push to ask.

Well that made for a short and awkward silence. But it shut my girlfriend's friend up and my girlfriend got to finish describing how pretty our other friend's house is. However, while my girlfriend was regaling her best friend in all the neatness of this trinket or that picture, I got to thinking. I have never really, truly known the difference myself and I have actually read a little and done some research into Witchcraft/Paganism for a school paper and because I was simply curious. So I've been doing some research the last couple of days (when not dealing with some rather unfortunate turns of events) and this is what I have come up with, as I understand it. I could be wrong so don't quote me.

According to Dictionary.com the word Pagan has several different meanings. 1. One of a person or community observing a polytheistic religion, as  the ancient Romans and Greeks. 2. a person who is not Christian, Jew, or Muslim. There are two other definitions but they hardly apply as far as religion is concerned.


The word Witch means: 1. a person, now especially a woman, who professes or is supposed to practice  magic, especially black magic or the black art; sorceress. Compare warlock. 2. has nothing to do with religion either. 3. a person who uses a divining rod; dowser.  And further down the page: a Wiccan priest or priestess.  


The word Wicca means: witchcraft, especially benevolent, nature-oriented practices derived from pre-Christian religions. Or the cult or practice of witchcraft.


Those definitions aren't entirely true. In fact the term or label Pagan is actually an umbrella term, kind of like Christian is for those of the Christian faith, i.e. Protestant, Catholic, Lutheran, Quaker ect...
However, you can call a Wiccan a Pagan, but you can't call all Pagans Wicca and there is a reason for this.
Wicca was founded or rather 'brought to the public' by Gerald Gardner and as Jamie at Witchfulthinking writes, "is a dualistic religion which believes that all Gods are one God, and all Goddesses are one Goddess." She goes on to explain more differences but the point is: "Wicca is a specific body of ritual and liturgy with its own system of symbolism and ethics."

So in other words, if you are Wicca, or talking about someone who is Wicca, then you or they had better be practicing the way a Wiccan is supposed to or else you're or they aren't really Wicca. Also,  Not all Pagans believe, worship, or practice Wicca.


Pagan is a little bit more tricky to explain, as I am discovering. Pagan originally meant someone who was from a rural area but as Christianity came about, it meant people who (as I have seen mentioned in many places) fled to the hills to keep their own religious practices and not convert or be forced to convert to Christianity. Jamie wrote: "At minimum, Paganism is a earth-centered spirituality- that is, Pagans believe the earth is a sacred place."  That said/quoted, what most people think of as 'Pagan' doesn't mean that they can be defined as 'Pagan' just because they do not believe, ascribe, or practice Christianity, Jewish, or Muslim religions. And as far as Witches and Wiccans are concerned 'Pagan' isn't quite the right terminology, it's actually a shortening from 'Neo-Pagan'. Relax, 'Neo' only means new.


Now, when it comes to Witch, first and foremost, I have never encountered or spoken to anyone in person or via the Internet who believes in and or practices 'black' or 'dark' magic/arts. That's not to say there aren't  any people out in the world who don't or people who don't play with negative energies. And a lot of Wicca or Witches will say they don't believe in black magic or the devil. Jamie wrote: "Witches are folk healers and mediators who practice folk magic." 


Well, 'folk' typically is in reference to a particular people or region or culture of people and their practices. Ever heard the term 'folk music'?  I don't necessarily believe you can say a Witch is a person who is a folk healer, mediator, or a practitioner of folk magic. Not all Witches are from the particular culture of which ever type of label they have donned or even practicing in that region. However, they may have adopted or adapted to the particular set of rules or ideas of the type of Witchcraft they have decided to become. 


All of that being said, there are so many different types of Witches. There are the Strega, Egyptian, Solitary, Pow-wow, Pictish, Green, Kitchen, Celtic, British Traditional, Caledonii Traditional, and Wicca. The list really goes on and on and there are even Witches who practice a mix of a few to many and take on the label of eclectic. It's really easy to get lost in all the nomenclature and semantics especially since most of this stuff is 'new' and only been around for a few decades and new facets are popping up all the time. But at the end of the day, as I understand it, as I have been made to believe by what I have read, a Wiccan is a type of Witch but a Witch nonetheless and both those terms fall under the 'umbrella' of Neo-pagan.