Happy Halloween/ Samhain!

I used to have this decoration when I was little. 

Happy Halloween/ Samhain to everyone! I hope that you all have a safe and fabulous night tonight. We aren't doing much this evening. Last year we had two trick or treaters so we aren't expecting anyone to show up at our door tonight. If we buy candy it'll just be for us.

I am going to make tater-tot casserole with some vegetables for dinner and for dessert I'm making a pumpkin cake. After dinner we are going to watch a few movies and a little more of Hemlock Grove on Netflix. Really it's just going to be an evening to relax before Nation Novel Writer's Month kicks off and that will happen at midnight. Oh maybe instead of candy we should get coffee creamer that way I can stay awake. LOL.     

The cats would tell you that they are starving.

I think if my cats had the ability to actually get on the computer or use the telephone they would tell the whole world that Skoora and I are starving them. All three of them hate the new feeding schedule. For starving cats they certainly don't eat that much when we put out their food in the morning and in the evening and if that wasn't annoying enough, they all want to eat out of each other's bowls. Galen and Ellie can't eat Yoda's food because its for diabetic kitties. Yoda can't have their food because its regular cat food.
And since none of them really eat that much they spend all day staring at me, bitching at me (yes, they really do bitch at me), and they follow me around the house, making sure to get underfoot, which is dangerous. If I lose my balance and fall not only is it going to hurt me but it might hurt them. But they are SO hungry! They are just going to have to learn to eat at meal times and not be grazers any more.

It dawned on me complete with exhausting, painful cramps why I have been so very tired the last couple of days. As much as I'm fighting to stay awake, as much as I wanted to get a few things done this afternoon, I'm going to postpone them for a few hours so I can rest and then try to tackle them when I wake up.

Also, I started reading the The Bartimaeus Trilogy at Skoora's insistence. She just kept going on and on about how good it was and wanted to tell me things but couldn't tell me much because I'd promised to read it. So, here I am, finally reading it.   

Good grief!

My sweet Yoda-Chan

It is safe to say that it's been a really hard week. I've had some new things come up, received some really depressing news, and thought over some of the things that have happened recently.

First up, we finally were able to get Yoda-Chan to the vet. We had to take out a loan to do so but as it turned out the loan wasn't even going to begin to cover the bill. So we had to apply for a Care Credit card. We were declined and had to have Skoora's mother apply. She was approved and because she applied for us she managed to finagle more money out of Skoora. That's a topic for a later time and as angry as I am about it, I don't really get to complain since if she hadn't we wouldn't have been able to pay the bill for my cat.

The diagnosis for my sweet old baby is that he's diabetic. Thankfully, we got him in early enough and the diabetic can be managed with an extremely strict diet and insulin. We were even lucky enough that the vet gave us a bottle of insulin that someone had donated. We are putting the other cats on Yoda's feeding scheduled much to their chagrin but they can get over it.

Speaking of medicine, after a long time of negotiating which meds I could get when due to finances, I was finally able to get all of them! I don't take that many but we have been so broke. So I took them this morning and after we picked Yoda up from the vet, I took a nap. I slept longer than I wanted to and haven't really accomplished much. I did manage to get dinner cooked a few minutes ago. Other than that I've been searching for crochet patterns so I can make some Christmas Gifts. Well, that and some paper crafts. Oh and I'm drinking Cranberry Pomegranate juice in the hopes that I can fix a potential bladder infection. I don't know if it's going to work because of the pomegranate, but I thought it was worth a shot. When I was checking the sugar on the juice bottles, I was surprised to see how many grams are in one serving size. One glass of juice is the equivalent of a whole meal.

Some of the bad news I received, on the same day that I learned that Yoda is diabetic, was that my cousin's diabetes is now affecting her kidneys. So far she doesn't need dialysis but if she doesn't get her act together she will. It was really hard to hear, we are only seven months apart in age, she's like a sister and for someone who doesn't have any living siblings (Mom had trouble carrying babies to term and even I was a month early), that's a big deal. Anyway, my cousin can only do so much, at least food wise, because she's even more financially strapped than we are. Food stamps aren't an option for her. But that's not the only problem, her mother, my aunt, has gone off the deep end and is a monster. But again, that's a topic for another post. In the end, my cousin will either have a heart attack, or stop taking her insulin, or just out right commit suicide.

Another piece of bad news I've received this week was that I have borderline personality disorder. I don't want to talk about who or how I received this news, and will only say that it wasn't from my therapist. I felt kind of blindsided actually. No one has ever told me. I've only ever known the social phobia, anxiety, and severe depression, which I've been trying to manage through therapy and medication for the last ten years. No, I haven't been completely successful, especially in the last couple of years since I've had chronic pain, but I've done my best. I'm certainly bouncing back and forth between accepting it and denying it.

My family plays a big part in that process. Grandma, though I love her dearly, likes to sweep all the ugly stuff under the rug for no one to see. My Dad's sister, looks down on my parents, on me, on my Mom's side of the family, she and her husband have been vicious to my parents and caused fights at Grandma's house. They don't like us for a variety of reasons, one of which is different political views (by the way my parent never talk about politics at Grandma's house out of respect for her). My Dad's sister's family sees themselves as the perfect middle class american family with no problems what so ever. Trust me they aren't perfect. Hell, my Aunt can't understand how I can sit for several hours and read a book instead of going shopping. Reading is more fun than shopping, it makes me happy, shopping depresses me and people get to close to me. It's not that hard to figure out.

So at the end of the day, I'm not sure what to think or how to feel. Either way, I know I've been avoiding it most of the time.

On the subject of Guild Wars, I'm just not happy with playing anymore. I enjoy playing with my Dad and playing by myself, that much I know for sure. But some 'in game' drama has really turned me off. I've had several instances where I have been annoyed with the alliance leader, Paul. Not long ago he asked one of his guild mates to leave and we took her into our guild so she could still be part of the alliance. She was only with us for a week and left with no notice to me or my Dad and is somehow back in Paul's guild. At first I just didn't care. Dad was sick and I'd had company over for several days and it would have been rude of me to get on and play with guests in the house. I told her that. But after thinking about it and seeing how a lot of other people have been playing, I wonder if maybe Paul sent her over to spy on us. There's nothing to spy on though. We don't gossip, we don't talk shit on others, and if we are on, we are on and if we are off, we are off. I haven't asked Paul if that was what was going on or not.

Then Paul decided that he was going to disband the alliance. Not only did he not tell me this, and there is no reason for him not to have since I am my guild's leader and he and I are friends on facebook, but he tried to recruit my Dad from my guild. Oh he said my Dad could come with his other account so he could use his main account with me, but still. That's really shitty. But what really pisses me off is that for all of his schpeals about loyalty and honor and my guild and his guild sticking together forever, I think if I hadn't been on, he wouldn't have invited my guild to go with his to a new alliance. I don't think he really wanted me around at all. I'm not a hard core player. I don't get on every night and weekend to play. And frankly I shouldn't have too. I have other things going on and when he was alliance leader, most of what we did was faction farm. Also, I didn't like the way he'd taunt some of the other players in the game, players he didn't like.

But I do like the new alliance for the most part. A lot of people are really nice and and this is where the blog ends for me tonight. Skoora's parents just came home and will want dinner and on top of that, they won't stop talking. *sigh*

Vampires, Guild Wars Halloween, and Lana Del Rey

Love and Blood by Natsuki

I love this picture! Pretty Vampire, pretty boy, gothic setting, and a violin! In my 'someday' living room, I think I will have to buy this picture for the gothic/vampire theme I want to do for Fall and Winter.

Lately, I've been reading a lot of Vampire books. Well, I read the Vampire Academy novels, and Skoora bought me a couple of other vampire novels. Don't worry, I don't read just vampire novels. I read paranormal romances about dragons and urban fantasy. I'm not a big Werewolf fan, don't know why really, they just aren't my cup of tea but I do have one Werewolf book, just to try it out and give them a shot. I do need to see what other people have written after all and explore the lore- just not get lost in it. I love to research things. I can spend several hours just looking up pointless stuff.

Fun fact about me, I can usually tell you who several, if not all of the voice actors are in the anime shows I watch. Even some in the original Japanese. I'm also really good with actors from Tv shows and films. And if I can't tell you their name, I can tell you what else they have been in. I'm like that with other stuff too and a dear friend of mine calls me her IMDB. But with the other stuff I usually remember what people were wearing last time I saw them, how they had their hair, what we talked about, and so forth. See, not all of it is useless. I suppose.

Anyway, I've been listing to a few songs on You Tube this morning. Lana Del Rey: Dark Paradise Is one that I've decided goes on the writing soundtrack for the book I am currently writing. Of course I have four in the works at the moment, but Chloe's story is the one that's insisting to be written at the moment so I'm complying. But since I was depressed I wanted a 'pick me up' song so I listened to SMP Film's The Ninja Song. My friends are probably tired of me posting the crap out of this song, but I don't care, I love it! I adore Cory and his fiance Kate. They both have VLOG's and videos over on You tube. In case you're interested, it's SMP Films, Dude like hella, and Kater's17. Oh and don't forget The Mean Kitty!    

Guild Wars kicked off the Halloween festivities this week. I'm excited because for once, I finally have enough of a jump on it that I can actually get some quests done. Although, it's been a little difficult since not only has my back been hurting, but my legs and knees have been as well. I've been moving them, walking back and forth through the house. So far, I think maybe it was the chair I was sitting it. Which is a little strange since I sit in it frequently. I do think I pulled something in one of my knees though. It sucks but, what can you do? But anyway, yes, I will probably play a little guild wars today. Not for too long though, I have some other stuff I want to try to get accomplished today. 

Penumbral Lunar eclipse, books, and dark spots.

Vampire Academy book website

Yesterday I finished the Vampire Academy series. Loved it!!! I especially liked the themes of the books, the parts where the characters talk about doing what's right, being honorable, and owing and taking responsibility for their actions. Yeah, there's that teenage angst and rich kids being snooty with excessive senses of entitlement, but there is also a lot of growth in the characters from book one to book six. I'm really excited to see what they do with the movie. Of course there is also the draw of a really gorgeous Russian actor named Danila Kozlovsky playing the part of Dimitri Belikov, too, but cute actor's aside, I really am looking forward to it. The movie comes out in 2014.

Side note: I've actually tried to find some of Danila Kozlovsky's movies online to watch, even tried to see if they were available for purchase and rent with English subtitles, but have come up empty so far. Since I haven't learned Russian yet the subs are pretty essential. I kind of hoped since a couple of his films seem to be big ( and look really good) enough in Russia, that they might be available here too.

Books and movies aside, tonight is the Penumbral Lunar Eclipse. I'm lucky enough to be in a part of the world that can see it. I should start being able to see the moon about 4:40 pm and the sun will set about 5:55 pm according to a site I... can't remember the name of. I'm going to take their world for it and start looking outside at 4:30 this afternoon. I am hoping that I will be able to get at least a decent picture of it.

As for me on a more personal level, I haven't been doing so well. Nothing's going on with Skoora, we're fine. It's other stuff and it's pretty serious but I don't want to talk about it at the moment. Well, I do, but I don't know that I am really ready to. I will leave it as that it is scary, really depressing, and I don't know how things are going to play out for me- that's actually the scary part. Oh hey! Blackmore's Night just started playing on Pandora. Cool!

I also haven't decided if I want to sign up for National Novel Writer's Month next month. I participated during the summer but since I don't know how things will turn out in the next few weeks, I'm a little hesitant. I don't know, maybe it will cheer me up a little or it could backfire. I also have Christmas Presents to make and those are going to take me some time... Hmm... Well, I'm not going to fuss with any of it right now.     

Government shut down? Really, Congress, really?

As I am sure the rest of the world along with nearly every American in the USA knows, our Government decided to shut down last night at Midnight. How lame. How pathetic. How inexcusable. No wonder the rest of the world laughs at Americans. No wonder they don't take us seriously. 

One of my friends from High School works for the government in some fashion and she is not only NOT getting paid right now but she is REQUIRED to go to work. Explain to me how the hell, in this country, that is even legal? Explain to me why the hell our politicians and president get their pay checks and benefits while my friend and others like her aren't. They aren't better than she is. They aren't better than any other American in this nation. More importantly they ARE NOT more ENTITLED than anyone else just because they are politicians. 

The worst part about this is Republicans and Democrats and even the President are all pointing fingers at each other, playing the blame game, refusing to take responsibility for their idiocy, their childish behavior, and complete and utter lack of respect for not only each other but most importantly the American people who hired them in the first place. And we hired them to do a fucking job, pass reasonable and intelligent laws and policies, and protect us from terrorism, not sit on their collective asses and scream at each other like bitchy, spoiled, snot-nosed teenagers. 

The fact of the matter is, they don't give a shit about the American people. They just want money, to be exempt from a health care plan that is was bad to begin with, and you know it's bad when they are offered and exemption from it, and they want to move this country out of the realm of democracy and into something very akin to Socialist and or Fascist State. Why? So that they have all the power and money to do whatever the fuck it is they want to do and no one can fuss about it. 

Frankly, I'm so sick and tired of this shit. I'm so sick and tired of politicians pushing to have more power, more invasions of privacy under the guise of 'we're just trying to protect you', more bitching about people having guns and always, always blaming on mental illness instead of recognizing that some people are just fucking EVIL, and most of all I am so sick and tired of them fueling the wildfires of a class war that they most likely planted the seeds of.  Things need to change and they need to change soon. Congress AND the President need to grow the fuck up, stop fighting, and come up with some damned compromises. There MUST be some give and take.