My head is in chaos today. There are so many things swirling round and round, so many thoughts, bits of information, all mixed up with tangled emotions, and I can't seem to focus and settle on one particular thing. I had plans for the day, things I wanted to get accomplished such as making dinner, getting dressed, writing a blog for this weeks pagan blog project. I've been switching back and forth between different types of music, trying to find one that gets me in the mood per se to write. I've written down information in an attempt to gather it in a way that it easy for me to look at the notes and compile a cohesive article and yet, looking at my notes and the way I have written them, it just looks like chaos of ink scribbles on paper.
I took a break and left the house even though I fought against it and bought a pack of cigarettes, my dirty little habit and one that I have been trying and struggling to release and not go back to. For me it is a very big hassle to smoke these days. I have to do it outside or in the car. I don't really like the smell or the dangers that come with it. But like a true addict, I enjoy it. There is something about sitting in my room, in front of the computer with a story open in Microsoft word, and a cigarette in my hand that I love. I used to sit like that in my room at my parents house, sometimes with a bottle of Sake on the shelf beside me, imbibing in and just enjoying the guilty pleasures while I worked words and characters and worlds on the document, listening to all kinds of music. It was peace. It was a weird sort of comfort. It was solace.
And now, that I have that out of my system, it's time for me to start dinner. Perhaps after I cook and everyone gets home and chatters away for a bit, I will settle down enough to write that blog and look at next weeks topic.