Roy Mustang from Fullmetal Alchemist because I neeeeeeed him, or rather to look at him. He is eye candy for my strained, tried, sandpapery eyes. That and he always cheers me up and after some things I saw tonight, I really need that. Don't worry, nothing tragic- unless you call seeing some bitch you used to know actually making a profit off of something she just decided to sit down and do one day. Something that you have been developing and putting in long hours of your life hone your skills and actually be good at. Ehm, no, I'm not bitter at all. But let me clarify why I am so bitter and the aforementioned reason is really just the poisoned icing of the matter.
If she and I were still friends, I wouldn't be angry over her success. I would be proud of her and cheering her on. But we aren't still friends and I don't think anyone who has done the kinds of horrible shit she's done to other people should get to live a happy life with everything she's ever wanted and still shit on the people she's hurt the most. Seeing her vanity/self published works get such great reviews over on amazon tonight was infuriating and hell. I know I shouldn't allow her to still get under my skin, but really after everything she did to Amanda's parents, the things she said about them that were so far from the truth it wasn't even funny, all the pain and suffering, and mess Amanda and I had to help clean up and are kind of being punished for even now. It is not fair. And I know life isn't fair but if life isn't fair then by the gods, I think that bitch should drown in her own vomit or choke on glass!
Needless to say I was so pissed and upset I ate a cupcake and then one more snack than I was supposed to and then chased it with a bottle of water, as if that makes it better. I've started keeping track of my food intake and trying to limit how much I eat as well as changing how I eat in general so I can lose weight. I know things are stacked against my in a lot of respects but I believe I can do it and I have a wonderful friend helping me out and between her and Amanda supporting me and vice versa, I think we can all get to where we want to be. Of course, I haven't had the best two food days and looking back... yeah I need some work and to cut some of the convenience stuff out. It's just far too easy to put a pizza in the oven when your back is killing you and you're tired and still have a shit ton of homework to do.
Slowly but surely I am finally getting caught up on my homework from that week of being sick and having such a hellish time in math. I've managed to complete two modules in Context of writing and only have one thing left to finish in the last module. I had a great tutoring appointment with the math people and have finally finished the horrible chapter I was having problems with and while I had to take the test three time, I got it! I do have to do two more modules and the test but once all of that is done, I can take a day or so to just breathe.
We are having a little bit of trouble with our mail carrier. She seems to be too lazy to walk packages to our door and knock. In fact she was too lazy to bring a note about how she was holding 4 parcels and didn't know if I actually lived here, never mind that she has delivered packages and mail to me at this residence for the last three years. I am not the only one who has had trouble with this in town. Apparently there is a new law stating that all the parcels from the Veteran's Hospital need to be signed for. Of course I learned that while standing in line to get stamps and pick up my packages from an angry, disabled Veteran who didn't get his package of medication. He was not happy. Of course our particular mail carrier hadn't come back to the post office yet so we had to pick up my packages this morning, where I heard that yet another person was in for the same reason I was. Another carrier failed to leave a package like they were supposed too. Now I get that they are swamped and I sympathize. But that is no way to run a business. They need to hire more people on during the holidays, even temporary workers, because otherwise, if this shit keeps up, people are going to take their business elsewhere. One of my friends said she was bypassing USPS and going to ship a package to us through FedEx. I don't blame her. I am considering them as well to ship one to my parents. Although, my parent's mail carrier is very good.
But anyway, I am going to bed for now. I didn't sleep very well last night and have been up since 8 am this morning.
I'm sorry there are people in your life (or have been) that are still energy suckers. I have eliminated all of those people from my life and yes, I have much less people in my life now. But it's worth it, I feel much more balanced now.
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up over the muffin -concentrate on the fact that you chased it with lots of water. Baby steps!
It's okay. I got a point where I felt that I needed to cut some of those people out because they were bring me down and hadn't been good to me or for me. I agree, it is worth it. Sometimes I feel a little sad that it had to come to that, but it's not on me. It is on them and if they want to have me back in their life, they are going to have to work for it.
DeleteBalance is something I am working to achieve.
Yes, baby steps! Admittedly, evening is the worst time for me evening wise.
Finally catching up with blogs, one entry at a time. At least when my son goes to sleep and I have time to hop on his computer instead of trying to slog through writing with a tablet. Way too easy to lose entire pages by accident on tablets and laptops.
ReplyDeleteOh God, I feel you completely when it comes to torment over another person's success. It always seems like it's the fuckheads to win in the world. Their farts smell like cinnamon rolls, their auto exhaust smells like fresh cut roses and fairy-tale blossoms open up as they walk by. I turn into a seething kettle of poison when I see that happen.
Life is backwards by gods! I've been feeling sick at heart over someone's success too. Actually my sister in law. She just finished a program and is probably pulling in 75,000 per year now. The only solace I get is in knowing she brings home that kind of money from lab analysis work in the fracking industry. It would be just like her to not think twice about jumping on the bandwagon in an environmental exploiting industry.
Nice to know I have a 'fellow in bitter waters'.
We could start The Bitter Pill Society. lol. And swallow them down with many pitchers of margaritas. :)
to true, I would love to start a Bitter Pill Society for the times when you get really bitter and just need to have some time to feel bitter. But I don't want to be bitter all the time.
Delete