|Found this one on desktop nexus. Gonna look for the artist, love it this work!|
Today I am trying a new schedule per se. I haven't typed it up and Amanda told me not to make it so rigid as my last one, but to allow for some flexibility. The purpose of this is for me to allow myself time and give myself permission to do all the things I want and need to do. A large part of my problem, I've discovered, is that I have been unconsciously waiting for someone to give me permission to do things. But why? I still don't really know the answer to that, unless it has to do with a lost of independence and self stability, self esteem, and confidence. Probably just hit the nail on the head right there. Any way, I am trying out 2 hour increments with wiggle room in case I go over on a few things. Frankly, as hard as it is going to be, I need to stop beating myself up about stupid shit.
This morning there was a nice chill in the air. I cracked the bedroom window last night and had the fan on the highest it would go. Because Amanda is a veritable furnace, I am still sleeping with just a sheet and summer quilt. She fuses that it's cold meanwhile I am loving it! Besides, the best part is getting to snuggle down in the covers or being able to curl up on the sofa in the living room with a cozy blanket, coffee, and the space heater for a little bit before having to take her to work.
We have a winter bucket list of sorts. One of those things is to play in the snow when it comes. I want snow to come so bad. I'm the kind of person that finds the above picture so terribly inviting. I keep checking the weather radar looking for snow and complaining about all the other places around us that are getting it while we aren't. Some of my friends might think I am sick, but damn it, part of the draw for me to move up here, was the promise of more snow. More snow means making more snow dragons, sofas, and igloos!
Of course with all my hoping for snow and lots of it, this means that the tug of winter and the Yuletide season is strong. Amanda and I both have felt the pull to put away the Halloween decor and bring Yule back. We brought home an Xmas tree from her parents house and will be working on setting it up and other things over the next week or so.
Lastly, today I am going to do things I dread. Because I am done with my current doctor and her bullshit- she claims that she didn't refill my depression medication because the pharmacy sent her a note saying that I am not taking it properly, which is total crap, and I still haven't received a referral for a GYN specialist like she said she was going to get me- I am on the hunt for a new doctor and I'm going to find my own GYN. Of course this means I will be on the phone with strangers, which after working in two call centers and having a breakdown from it, I pretty much stare at my phone with trepidation when it rings. If I know the person, I will answer, if I don't, forget it. And sometimes, I can't being myself to answer if I do know the person. I hate calling people too, unless, again it is someone I know, and generally speaking I don't like to have long drawn out conversations. But, unfortunately today I have to deal with my necessary evil and just get it done and over with. I'm promising myself a nap with it's done.