|Not sure who made this, but its so pretty!|
I can honestly say that I have never seen Sleepless in Seattle. I remember catching a tiny snip-it of it when I was younger and being so utterly annoyed with it, that I refused to ever watch it. But then again, I've also never liked Meg Ryan. That aside, I've been having a terrible time sleeping, hence the "sleepless in Spokane" title. Lately I've either been too afraid to sleep- not sure why- or I only sleep a couple of hours at a time and can't seem to stay in bed for long. I usually end up on my sofa some time after 2:30 in the morning or around 5 in the morning. I've tried making myself really cold because when you warm up again you're supposed to get sleepy. I've tried reading. I've tried all manner of things. So, today at my doctor's appointment, I am going to ask if I might have some sleeping pills for a week to see if they can help get me back on track. It worked once before.
The depression and anxiety front isn't getting much better, nor is the physical pain issues, although yesterday I felt a little better. Today, I've had to do a phone interview with the social health and services department and the whole time I was shaking, wanted to vomit, and cry, and felt like I was betraying myself or selling my soul. It was awful and I have to go in to do an in person interview with a social worker. As of right now though, I do get some food stamp assistance.
It is election day here in the USA. I am not looking forward to it, dreading it actually. My state does voting by mail and I have yet to drop off my ballot at the drop off station. Amanda still needs to fills hers out and then we can drop it off at the library drop off station. I can't help but feel doomed no matter who wins, but I feel less doomed if Hillary wins.
I haven't done much with National Novel Writer's Month. I have a little over 1,000 words and normally I would be at 20,000 by now. I am just going to have work really hard to catch up.
Emotionally things for me are getting worse. I read an article yesterday talking about the super moon this month having something to so with it. I hope that 's the case, but if not, I've been trying to convince myself that things have to get worse before they can get better. but how much worse are they supposed to get? Where do you draw a line in the sand and say, enough is enough? More than once I've had the feeling of not knowing who I am anymore and that I'm not going to make it. When I told Amanda, she asked me why and how I think I am not going to make it. I don't know what to tell her because I don't know why or how. It doesn't make sense to me. Oh well. It;s time for me to get ready to go to my doctor's appointment. I am hoping this visit is a good one.