Last night was awful. I finally laid down in bed with Amanda and I fell asleep fairly quickly, which was nice. But then I woke up an hour and half later. the bedroom had been warm and apparently I had been hot enough to sweat but then I woke with a fever. I was freezing! It was so bad that that everything tensed and seized up, there was so much pain. I could barely get out of bed, grab a blanket, and make it out to the living room. In effort to warm up, I grabbed a ginger ale and the aleve and sat in front of our little space heater until the medicine kicked in.
I was so tried but couldn't quite sleep so I spent a couple hours looking at things on the internet. Finally I sat on the sofa, put my feet up, and managed to fall into an exhausted, hard sleep. I missed having coffee with Amanda, missed seeing her off to work, and didn't wake up until around 8:30 this morning. I feel better, but I am so tired and still a bit achy. There are some things I want to do today like the dishes and I want to write a little, cook something nice for dinner, but I may have to take a nap. I'm a little hungry too but I don't know if I have the energy to cook myself something for lunch. I kind of wanted to make grilled cheese and tomato soup, but I think I will just eat a little bowl of salad and call that good for now.
Aside from that, I missed my medication the other night and yesterday was sassy, a little manic, and well, very opinionated. I apologized to my friend Rachel about it and she said it was fine that she actually liked me like that and having more opinions. She's not the first person who has told me they like me better without my meds. The first day without them is fine, but the next is awful. No, worries, I made sure to get them before bed last night. But still, why is my less reserved, more opinionated, sassy behavior more preferable to? I don't always feel good when that happens. I feel less in control of myself and think less about what I say and I am certainly less calm. I've never understood it really.
People like the sassy you because most of the time you are so reserved that you are afraid to say things - it's good to feel comfortable and sassy enough o say things even if they are wrong - it spurs conversation and laughter. The ideal would be for you to feel more comfortable and less inhibited while on your meds so that you can be a sassy sas without the negative side effects of withdrawal.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I suppose.
DeleteHope you're feeling better by now. I've been out it of it since july and i know how awful it feels to want to get things done and are unable.
ReplyDeletebig hugs!
Big hugs to you too! This year has been an interesting year of fluctuation and change. I hope you are feeling better now too! Glad to see you back <3
DeleteSometimes I feel chipper, spry and happily obnoxious when I miss meds but not so much these days. I can't afford to miss a dose. I've been trying to wean myself off risperidone so hopefully I'll feel more normal.
ReplyDeleteDo you think missing the dose could have contributed to feeling Ill? I know I've sometimes felt achy and had a low grade fever from missing meds.
Yikes, weening or a change in meds is not easy, especially if there are withdraw side effects. I hope it goes well for you and you don't get sick.
DeleteI'm wondering if that is the case. I missed my meds the night before last too but didn't have the same problem, so I am unsure. Then again, ever since Yule (we spent the whole night outside and despite the cloaks, deer skins, and two fires, I got so cold and it it took at least an hour to warm up again) I have been having a little trouble with the being really cold. It could be the fibro, it could be that I was just a little sick that night. Meh, it sucks, but I don't think there is much I can do about it.