Upset and still not quite myself

There are days I really wish there were portal systems that would allow me to go from Idaho to Kansas. I would go see friends and spend time with family. More importantly, today I would have puddle jumped home to strangle my father's sister, my snotty-self-important Auntie M. My parents have been taking care of my Grandmother since she broke her leg and my mom has even been staying over to help. She's done laundry, cooked, done the dishes, cared for my Grandma in the bathroom and helped her get around. She's even helped my Grandpa with his shingles. Grandma was talking to my mom about getting out to see her friends and have some time to herself for a bit since my mom was there and could stay with my Grandpa, who has Alzheimer's.

Then here comes Auntie M, who has wanted to shove Grandpa into a nursing home ever since she knew he had Alzheimer's. In fact she treats my Grandpa so condescendingly, like a five year old. It's awful, never mind that she's always treated my parents and many times even me like we were nothing more than trailer trash putting a black mark on her because we aren't as trendy, wealthy, or Democratic as she and her family are. And aside from the way she and her husband have treated my parents and I, it's taken her 3 weeks to up to a couple of months to return a phone call to my Grandma. Not to mention that she only deigns to visit the rest of the family when it's a holiday and sometimes not even then.

So what did she do this time? She somehow coned or perhaps even bullied Grandma into moving into a nursing home not 12 hours after being at her house. Granted I know my Grandparents are probably set for the rest of their lives but nursing homes are so expensive. Now if this was something that Grandma really wanted to do, I would support her all the way. She is 84 after all and eventually she won't be able to take care of Grandpa on her own or do a lot of things that she likes too. She is very independent. But Grandma wasn't even talking about it until Auntie M came around.

It's like this. My Aunt can't be bothered to come down and help and when she does come down they down help out at all, and they can't be bothered to return phone calls. My parents and I, when I am living in Ks, go over and help out all the time, go over for weekly Sunday dinners, and go over to spend time with my Grandparents. I call my Grandma at least once a week if not more. Do you think either of Auntie M's kids do that? Nope. So it really pisses me off when Auntie M thinks she knows better than anyone else and starts pushing her agenda on people. She just wants Grandma and Grandpa in a nursing home and probably wants to sell their stuff and their house to be done with it so she can go back to her happy, perfect, more important little life in Nebraska ad not be bothered with them again until they die. It's sickening.

On the other side of the family, my mom's twin decided that she wasn't getting enough attention from my mom since my mom has been helping my Grandma out. So when my mom called her this afternoon to check up on one of my cousins she ripped my mom a new one for it. Disgusting. Could she be any more selfish?

I talked to the doctor's nurse yesterday or so, I don't remember what day it was. Apparently my back is fucked and will continue to become more fucked but it's not in need of surgery yet so I am screwed. Oh joy! Her recemndation is to A) lose weight (no shit, I've been working on that). B) pain block shots (As if I could afford those), and C) more physical therapy (They are only going to show me the same crap again, which I will do but grr!). Conclusion, you're screwed but not screwed enough. How maddening.

I spent a good hour this morning trying not to feel frustrated and focused on Yoda, who was sleeping beside me in bed. He certainly was a happy kitty.

I've read most of the books that I borrowed from the library and took them back and managed to pick up a few more. These were on drawing. I think I will end up taking two of them back tomorrow. They just aren't what I am looking for.

All in all I am feeling a little better, at least a little more grounded in myself and not so damned apathetic and listless as I was. But I still don't really feel like myself. I'm writing a little bit again, just some little blog posts, most are post dated for my craft blog. Today I started reading about Halloween/Samhain, the roots of it and customs all around. I have two books on it and wish the library had more. They might, I will check. I don't like to just look at one or two sources for information, I like to have three or more and see what the consensus is.

I need to start working on the Halloween party plans. I really wanted Skoora to look at some stuff with me but I think it would help if I have some ground work covered so she can just jump in from there.       

Forcing myself to write something

Today did not go as I wanted but then it rarely does. We did have a good time with Skoora's Aunt. We went to Burger King for a small lunch after which we all headed to the park to walk around. My back didn't really appreciate it but I pretty much told it to shove it.

We took her aunt home after awhile then headed up to the library because I had some books there on hold to pick up. While there I ended up picking up more books than I had intended as well as some DVDs. Kind of hoping I can get all the movies and books read in the last part of the week because I think, aside from a few blog posts, I am going to take a small break from writing, just long enough to immerse myself in some reading.

Of the books I picked up today:

Fullmetal Alchemist V1- the Manga
Rurouni Kenshin V1, V2, & V3- Manga
The Art of Fullmetal Alchemist The Anime
Halloween From Pagan Ritual to Party Night
Halloween: Customs, Spells, and Rituals by Silver Raven Wolf.

Of the Movies:
The Artist
Coraline
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Slumdog Millionare (Which I have seen but loved and wanted to see again)
Secrets of the Dead: Witch Curse

Haven't heard anything from the doctor about my MRI and I guess I am supposed to call them tomorrow if I don't. But I did ask for a copy of the report to be sent to me. So, maybe one way or the other, I will have some news tomorrow and won't have to fight that damned phone VRU.

Well, time for a movie because I am getting tired and really don't want to think very much. Kind of in the mood to get lost in something.  

Retreating to the library Wabahhhha!

We are playing Edward and Alphonse Elric today!

We, my Girlfriend and I, are sitting at the City's public library because that atrocity called American Football is playing on TV today and my girlfriend's Father, of course, loves it. As you can probably tell, I hate it! Sorry Football fans, I just can't stand sitting there for 4+ hours watching people run into each other. It's too hot in our room to hide out in there and both of us doubted that we would really get any peace to do what we needed to do. Which for her was to work on her college essays for Grad school and for me, plan our anniversary, work on plans for Halloween, and work on my first post for my craft blog. Oh and I need to get my vocabulary word of the week for the Detangled Writers blog I am part of/ working on with some friends.

Yesterday I overdid it. Again! My back was bothering me but I was kind of on a roll. We went to the Wal-mart to pick up white thread and a seam ripper (I am making a quilt for my Grandparents), veggie dip and yogurt, and managed to get two free parring knives for listening to a Forever Knife demo. I'll tell you what, the man giving the demo looked so bored and tired of doing it. I think he's doing it all weekend and I know he was there doing it Friday as well. I felt bad for him but I didn't have $50.00 to buy a set of knives. Besides, I only listened to the demo because my Girlfriend was interested.

After we finished at the store we came home. My Girlfriend, ugh, I'm just going to refer to her from now on as Skoora because that's who she is on the net. Anyway, my girlfriend sliced up the bell peppers we bought at WinCo the other day. Then I was in the kitchen for most of the day. I did two loads of laundry, made three pies (apple, blackberry, and peach) all from scratch, dinner, and ran a load of dishes in the dishwasher.  I also picked up the living room since it was clear that no one else was going to do it anytime soon and the mess was driving me nuts. I was so tired, worn out, and hurting so much when I was finished that by the time I sat down for dinner, I kind of wanted to cry. But I managed to stay awake long enough to watch two movies!

This morning I harassed Skoora out of bed to work on the dining room. She ended up doing most of the work because my back is trying to tell me to 'fuck off ' today. I took a pain pill and now I'm here at the library.

Tomorrow morning I finally get my MRI. I'm kind of nervous about what it will show and also I am claustrophobic and fat and I don't like lots of loud noises. I am sure I will be fine though.   

Nerves are shot, the ones I can feel

I am waiting to hear how my Grandma's surgery went. She broke her leg and for an 84 year old woman with Osteoporosis that's not a good thing but in all reality it could have been much worse.

I'm still having trouble writing. E-mails, blogs, and stories. I'm just really having a hard time with it. Amanda and I decided that we would ween me off the Welbutrin. I just have to call the She-beast, somehow, and tell her that this medicine is making me sick and a zombie.

There's some other stuff going on but I don't really want to talk about it right now. 

If my fingers rest on the keys, that counts as effort.

I have been so listless the last couple of days and mostly apathetic. When I say mostly, I don't really feel anything until I start thinking about trying to write or to read a book and then I just get upset because I have absolutely no drive whatsoever to anything. I am upset that it took me two hours to write a simple e-mail yesterday, something that should have only taken ten minutes.

I've taken naps in the last couple of days because I am so tired after taking my medicine. It's turning me into a zombie and I should just stop taking it. Except that I can't because I read up on it and if you quit cold turkey then it'll be like you have the flu. And I've felt that just from missing my pill one day. I should just deal with the clinic's long asinine phone system to leave a message with my med doctor but I don't like her and the phone system is a pain in the ass. And there is that I don't have much drive to deal with it.

It's American Footballs season again. Have I ever told you how much I loathe American Football? It's a long drawn out process of men lining up to slam into each other. And it almost always takes long than 4 hours. I just don't have the patience for it and I don't like the commentators anyway. I foresee myself spending many hours in my room. Many hours. I may never come out again except to eat, use the bathroom, and leave the house.

Persistent Heartburn has been plaguing me. The tums aren't helping too much any more, just taking the edge off. So I need to find something else, over the counter, until I can get back into the doctor to stop this. since I have the heartburn already, I might as well drink the juice I like. I adore orange juice and cran-grape juice but I don't drink juice very often because of the heartburn. I think I will have ravioli tonight too.

Tonight is the season premier of Ghost Hunters. I am excited!!! I think Paranormal Witness is on tonight as well.  I really enjoy both shows and it will be nice to lose myself in them for a couple of hours. Then I might just go back to bed.

I went looking for some short stories to refurbish and send into some short story contests but the one I really want is M.I.A. Apparently I only have it in hard copy and that copy must be back in Kansas at my parents house. That's kind of depressing because I really loved it and can't remember it well enough (the dialogue was really good) to be able to rewrite it. I did find one that I wrote for college that I might rework. I have an erotic short but I high doubt there are any erotic/BDSM short story contests listed in Amanda's magazine. I'll have to find some online. And I guess I will just have to write some more.

Well, I am off to find my snack!

Hello September, it's nice to see you again and what a month you will be!

It's finally September! Which means it's almost Autumn, my favorite season of the year. I love Winter, don't get me wrong, but Autumn and all it's color is the best. The weather is cooler but not cold. Mabon and Samhain (Halloween) come along with pumpkins and apples.

This year September is going to be very busy. At some point I am going to have an MRI and we are going to see what exactly is wrong with my Jeep. We have to get car tags for said car as well but other than those things, I think the beginning of the month will be pretty relaxed. I have some library books I need to finish but I will get to those in a minute.  (It's 12:40pm and I feel like it's 3pm)

The second half of the month will be a whirlwind of 'How the hell are we going to work around all of this?' My girlfriend's birthday is the 21st and we are have two parties for her. One out of town with her friends and one here at home with family simply because it is impossible for her friends to come to our house. The reasons why pisses me off to no end (it's not the friend's fault) but it just can't be helped. And somehow we have schedule between weird family events.

Also that weekend is Mabon, a pagan holiday. I don't know if I will be able to celebrate it or not with so much going on. And finally the Apple Festival at Greenbluff starts that weekend. I probably won't get to go to the Apple Festival that weekend, but I will be going shortly there after.

I've already started cooking for Fall. I made pumpkin bread yesterday morning and plan to make more within the next couple of days. And I am looking at new Fall recipes to try.

Last night we had a small craft night with Kat. It was fun and I started working on some decorations for Halloween! So far they look pretty good. I just have a coffin left to paint and some Witch's boots to make. I don't know what else I am going to make, but I'll figure it out. I still want to have a craft day with my friend out in the Silver Valley but for some reason getting her up here for an afternoon is harder than hell. I am trying to see if I can get her to come sometime when she is already going to be up in the area.

On to my library books...  Corsets & Clockwork looks like it would be a really neat Steampunk book. However, I've only enjoyed the 1st story.  The second and third just weren't holding me and I really tried to give them a go. Now, I am wondering if I should just take the book back to the library or try to read the rest. There is no point in wasting time on a book I am not going to enjoy and really the 1st story was the only one to really give me what I wanted as far as Steampunk is concerned. I'll look at the rest of the stories and try them out, otherwise, I'm not too thrilled with this book.

The Alchemist's Kitchen. It's interesting, a little complicated, and dry, textbook like but that's what it's supposed to be like. I wish this book was a little slower in that they didn't only have a paragraph or two on each concept and could go a little more in depth.

I have another Steampunk book to read and a book on Soap Making but I haven't gotten to those just yet and I think I might be renewing those.