Friday, April 5, 2013

Taking Responsibility: Using Religion as a crutch.

I usually only talk about religion with people I am relatively close with. Or I have discussions with people I think will be calm, keep their head about them, and who might have a different perspective that is conducive to learning. I firmly believe that religion is a personal experience and journey and that it is one that you have to take yourself. If something doesn't feel right it is up to you and you alone to decide what does, whether it's converting to another religion, becoming simply spiritual, or believing in no religion at all. You are an adult and if you aren't an adult yet, you someday will be. There are decisions you have to make for yourself and certain personal responsibilities you'll have. 

Recently, with all the raving about whether or not gays should be allowed to marry, I've really taken note of just how two faced a few of my 'supposed' friend can be, but also how a lot of them are lacking in certain personal responsibilities. There is one friend in particular, we'll call her Millie, who not only lied to me, but uses her religion as a crutch for everyday life. 

How did she lie? She pretended that she supported my relationship with my girlfriend of almost six years. What she posted on facebook and wrote in her comments was awful and hurtful. I don't have anything against her posting what she wants on her facebook wall, it's her wall and her right. What upsets me is that she's lied to me consistently, pretended to be happy for me and supportive of my relationship and desire to marry all this time. I would have rather had her tell me straight up from the beginning her thoughts and feelings, her position on gay marriage  I would have accepted them and if she had still wanted to be friends, we might have been able to make a go of it. But, sadly, I had to remove her from my friends list and cut off all contact with her. 

And it wasn't just that she lied to me. I became so tried of getting on facebook and seeing tons of religious posts from her. At first I just ignored the pictures of this or that. But when she started commenting on the pictures, I was a little concerned for her. She isn't a happy person and seems to cycle between 'I love my husband, he's the best,' to 'why does everyone hate me,' and 'woe is me'. But the worst of it was when she start saying 'Why does God do this to me' or 'Why can't God just fix this' and so forth. 

I appreciate that she is religious, I respect her religion, and I respect her right to voice what ever options good or bad about her religion, God, and everything else. What I don't like, is that she seems to be relying on her religion to make her happy, to fix things for her, to govern her everyday life. 

There are a lot of people like her out there in the world. I would never call or think of them as being weak, just not getting the point. God can't fix you, God can't make things better for you, and God isn't going to tell you how to live your life day by day according to this situation or that. More importantly, God didn't make your life miserable, shit just happens sometimes.  Using your religion as that kind of a crutch isn't healthy. At some point you have to stop relying on it, realize these things, and take some responsibility for your actions, health, well being, and words, how you treat others, and make the kinds of decisions and take the steps you need to take to get what you need or want out of life. God isn't going to do it for you. He/She/They can't and won't.  


  1. What I hate is when religion is used to promulgate fear. If my mom and sister weren't afraid of being kicked out of the JW church themselves, or of 'displeasing god,' they would probably be speaking to me.

    It's taken me a decade and a half to begin to learn to think for myself. I'll probably have to cope the best I can for the rest of my life with lingering doubts and fears left over from that particular religion. I don't think they'll ever completely go away, I was just too young when I was immersed in that belief system. At that young an age, those things become hard-wired into you and disentangling yourself from them is a constant, ongoing pain in the ass.

    It's an extremely uncomfortable place to be in when you 'know' it's not true but part of you still 'believes' it is-you're left in a constant state of mental/emotional paradox you have to work around.

    My experience has left me in a state of feeling antagonistic toward Christian beliefs in general, and that's not fair. Not all Christians are extremists just as not all liberals are flexible in their own thinking. Somewhere in the middle of it all, sanity has to exist somewhere.

  2. You've had some of the worst experiences. I can only hope that your family can wake the hell up and smell the coffee before it's too late.

    Sanity? I daresay you say the silliest things. Sanity packed her bags and left a long time ago. Last I heard she's camping out on Pluto. LOL, jk.

  3. She can't be Sanity because Pluto isn't even a planet, or so I hear. Or maybe she's the sanest of all because she's smart enough to drift away from our solar system. xD