Talking with my favorite asshole A.K.A Dad

I called my Dad this morning to talk about some stuff going on. He was an asshole about it and I asked him why he sounded so angry to which he explained. Things which we thought were getting better for my parents aren't. He said if I wanted sympathy, maybe I should have called my Mom. But I didn't call my Mom because A) its getting harder for her to hear me over the phone and B) I think I wanted the no- non-sense asshole perspective my Dad gives so well. 

I can't really go into it too much at this time for very good reason. Amanda and I are okay, no worries there. It is another aspect of our lives that we and two of our good friends were making effort to fix instead of jumping ship. After last night's events, I went to bed with an extremely heavy heart, actually cried myself to sleep because I am so fucking conflicted over it, and woke up so upset that I didn't get out of bed for at least and hour. So I called my Dad. 

My Dad said he would have already jumped ship. He said that I need to be more selfish to which I replied that every single time I am, it blows up in my face. I told him I don't want to be an asshole, I like being a nice person. He said that me being nice is a good thing but basically, giving in to everyone else, people pleasing is only going to get everyone what they want me 20 years down the line with nothing to show for it, no books published, maybe a couple of degrees, and most likely on  unhappy.  He also said that he wished he could fly up here to shake me until I start doing what I want to do and stop letting people suck the life out of me. He wishes I would stop wasting my energy and talent and focus it on my writing. 

We talked a little bit about writing for awhile too. Mostly what's been bothering me, how I wish I could go back to being able to write carefree like I did in high school, where I just wrote without worrying about this or that. I told him that writing first drafts now are kind of painful but writing yesterday for school was both painful and kind of exciting too because some shit just came out. We also talked about other writers and what I want or where I want to go with my writing. 

Honestly, I think the best part of or the most helpful part of the conversation was when my Dad said he wished he could fly up here and shake me so I would stop letting people suck the life out of me and do shit for myself. I kind of wanted to cry because in my head I think I am just being dramatic when I think that people are draining me but when someone else says so, its validation that I'm not crazy or imagining it, or even that being selfish. 

Still not 100% sure what I am going to do about the situation or where I am going to go, but I'm going to talk to Amanda when she gets home because in a way it's not just up to me. The other aspects of my life, that are in my control, the stuff that I want to do, I am going to do more of those things.  

It's story time, Heartless, and our patio.

That's my wallpaper, isn't it pretty! 

I am having trouble deciding what I want to work on for my Advanced Creative writing class. I'm hoping that by writing a blog and getting my fingers moving over the keys, that will make my brain move too. Or, it could just be that I am lying to myself and stalling because I don't have an idea and my instructor's announcement of wanting 2nd and 3rd drafts turned in this week, instead of 1st drafts like the module dictates, really threw me into a bit of a panic. 

I thought about rewriting and extending a story for a previous class and even asked my instructor if that would be all right. She said that the school's policy for self plagiarism means that I would have to completely make it something different. Um, no, I don't want to, that wasn't the point. So I am trying to think of something new. I did break out the portable hard drive that has stuff I've been working on for years to look at for ideas. No luck there, at least I wasn't feeling drawn to anything in particular except for a story called Unsaber Boden "Black Land", but that was a fanfic and it, just, no. I do like the title, although I'm not quite sure where I was going with it.

Amanda suggested that I look at a book we have for generating story ideas. Well, I went into the spare room that's neither finished nor organized, and I couldn't find it nor could I get to the area that seems to have a lot of our writing books. So I grabbed the Tarot for Writer's by Corrine Kenner, except that I don't think I am going to use it, because I just got a really interesting idea!!! I'm going to peruse all the pictures on my computer, examine it, and pull from that! See, I'm not really stalling, lol. I swear some times I just have to talk shit out. 

Last night Amanda surprised me by wanting to watch a TV show with me. She doesn't really like TV (unless it is something she really wants to watch, like My Little Pony) and stopped watching Supernatural when they killed her favorite character off. I don't really watch a lot of TV but there are some shows that I will watch on Netflix when I am in the mood for them. I don't like being tied to a tv schedule. I did that growing up because my Mom was big on recording stuff on VHS. Anyway, the point is it kind of took me by surprise that Amanda not only wanted to watch this but suggested we watch it. So we did. The whole 8 episodes in one night.

Heartless is a Danish series about twins who suck the life out of people to survive and go in search of their mother and or who and what they are. It was really good. I pretty much feel that the boy twin is a piece of shit and I adore the girl twin. Bonus, I love that there is a lesbian relationship in the show. It also ended well, okay, it ended on a cliffhanger which sets it up for the next season. Amanda isn't sure that she wants to see the next season because she is afraid that the lesbian couple won't last and she'd rather not see that. In so much of the media these days any homosexual relationship never lasts because one or both of them die or they just don't stay together which isn't indicative of real life, more like society trying to push their agenda. In fact almost every homosexual movie or show with homosexual couples in it ends with death or a break up. Sense 8 has a strong lesbian couple that I adore and that was one of the few I have seen.

 Anyway, I will probably watch the second season and if the lesbians get to stay together, then I'll let Amanda know, if not, then I just won't tell her. 

Okay, so really quick, the patio pictures I promised of our half finished garden (we still have some plants to get). I apologize for the darkness of the pictures, its been awhile since I picked p that camera and fiddled with it... Last time I did was my photography class. 

One of the wind chimes we found at Grocery Outlet. I love that it is also a sun catcher! 

This one has a bell on it and you can't see the Moons, but there are moons on it!

Some brass Chinese characters Amanda's Mom gave us a couple of years ago. 

A friend gave us this table for our patio when she was taking stuff to the thrift store. Another friend found the cute pagoda lantern at another thrift store and gave it to me. Amanda and I have yet to have dinner or even breakfast and coffee outside yet, but soon!

Okay so this is what it looks like at the moment. Amanda put our blue lights up and hung all the sun catchers and wind chimes.  Amanda took a shoe holder, cut it and staple-gunned it the balcony supports. We've got herbs in those. I have several little black pots, some you can't see because they are hidden behind a pole, filled with flowers and some herbs. The grayish white planter has bachelor buttons and the bigger black planter has pansies for my Great Grandma Ireland. Eventually we will get Amanda;s Blue Spruce over here from her parents house and I will have my Japanese red maple (I'm going to do that one bonsai style). We're going to get some rose bushes, tomato plants, and start the bell pepper plants soon. 

Okay, off to find a picture and get a story started!

All natural Ant death, gardening, sun burn, and Unafraid High School Hannah Came out to Play

Amanda and I have been working on getting the house cleaned, it's not like it was a total disaster, but it needed the usual picking up, sweeping, mopping, that sort of thing. I started in the kitchen yesterday since from friends were bringing over their old kitchen table for us. Our other table had a glass top which was great, except Narcisa used it as a landing platform from her cat tree, and I was afraid that one day she's go through it. So they hauled off our old table and gave us their previous kitchen table along with another small table to put on our patio. Well, Amanda moved Narcisa's food two feet closer to the wall with the window on it and by the time we came home from doing the majority of our grocery shopping (around midnight) I noticed several unwelcome trespassers. Little black ants were crawling all over Narcs'a food dish, all over the bottom of the cat tree where the dish was sitting and were taking their loot to the wall. 

I don't do bugs. Period. I tell Amanda that if she wants to save them, then she had better take care of them otherwise I will kill them. This is my house, not theirs. Well, as it happens, Amanda doesn't like ants either so we looked up natural ways to get rid of them. I found a recipe that calls for peppermint oil, vinegar, and water. They don't like it very much. But as it turns out peppermint really isn't good for cats. So I had to look for other alternatives. Apparently baking soda kills them. So I put down a layer of baking soda to get rid of the ones already in the house. When that issue is taken care of, I will put down something else as a barrier so they don't get the idea that they can just come back. I am also going to have the apartment managers spray outside the house. I don't normally like pesticides, but like I said, I do not do bugs.

We did some gardening today. We don't have the bell pepper and tomato seeds planted yet, but we'll do that soon. So far we have parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme planted. There's catnip, marigolds, bachelor buttons, pansies, and Chinese forget me nots. Amanda is putting up the holders for more sage and some lavender as I write this. I don't know whether or not she will put the lights up today or not, we are both pretty tired and sun burnt. I haven't been out as long as she has in the sun, but I did get a little burnt. It really didn't take too long either. Actually it almost seemed like the moment I stepped outside today the sun had it in for me. The good news is that I didn't break out in hives. I am itchy, but I am okay so far. I would actually like to speak with a dermatologist about this problem. Then I can send the information, if there is any, back to my Mom and my cousin Shi-Chan. 

That said last night was a bitch! 

WinCo is generally our first stop- we grocery store hop, it's like bar hopping only less fun. Amanda and I were both hurting, my back and one of her feet, by the time we were done. We didn't really have spoons when we went into the store, and certainly didn't but maybe one if that when it was checkout time. So we get in line and the line moves and some ass-hat slips in and cuts me off. The old Hannah, the Hannah who wasn't afraid to chew out wannbe gangsters in high school because she could see their underwear in the hall way, came out to play. I said "Seriously?!" loud enough for him to hear and then called him a fucking asshole. Before he could say anything, another checker opened up and called us down. So even with Amanda leaving her wallet in the car and me having to go fetch it, we got out of there before he did. (When I told my Mom about it, she said she always thought I was a cool kid. In other words, my Mom wants me to stop taking so much shit and growl at people more.)

We went to Ross next, to get a hanging shoe holder to start our herb garden with. And then we went to Walmart. Walmart didn't take too long, thankfully. We went to the gardening section and picked up some small planters, seeds, and potting soil. I found a pretty scarf with red embroidery roughly similar to what I have had an idea for, for a long time. I basically want to make a gauzy white shirt with red embroidery like Kate Beckensale's in Van Helsing. I will have to post a pic of the scarf later. 

  

But best yet, we when we went to check out, we had all these seeds and in the gardening center they had flyers posted saying that all seeds were 50% off. So they had to honor it. Of course we were at the self checkout and someone had to come help. I guess that 50% off wasn't in the system yet s they had to key everything in manually. The manager ended up just tossing 5 or 6 seed packets into our bag and telling us to continue. I was a bit surprised but I certainly wasn't going to complain considering that Amanda has left about 20 dollars worth of groceries there by accident and because she couldn't find the receipts they wouldn't give the stuff to her. So that as cool.

By the time we got home, we ate dinner, put groceries away, and then crashed on the sofa- well after we sprayed the ants. I had planned to cut up the veggies to do some meal prep for the week but I was in so much pain and my back was seizing up that I just said screw it. It looks like we might be just making dinner tonight and doing the same. We are beat!  

I have learned some things!!!

First, I would like to learn how to paint with water colors like this. I think it would be fun and it would certainly satisfy part of my love/need to paint. 

Second, if I can swing it, I am getting myself an Erhu when I graduate. It looks and sounds like this. 

I love the sound of this instrument. I'm not looking to preform anywhere, just learn how to play and play for myself. Ever since I had to pawn my trumpet for gas money several years ago and my piano keyboard decided to crap out on me, I've missed playing music. Amanda, thankfully has a cornet, violin, and mandolin but they are all back in Kansas in my parents basement. They aren't doing us much good there. We will get them, eventually. In the mean time, I will have this wonderful instrument to learn and explore, just for me. I also thought about a Cello but I have no idea where we would put it. 

Okay so on to what I have learned in the last couple of days. 

That park I went to is apparently a park for hookers and hooking up, or so I have been told. Okay, so maybe I will try for High Bridge park next time I have to go park and sit while waiting on Amanda. The great thing about living somewhere new is learning all the places to stay away from and all the cool stuff to check out. 

The next thing is that my wellness class is exactly what I thought it was going to be like. People with good intentions and with great ideas who want to make the world a better place and make things fair and wonderful for everyone. They talk about the ideals and wellness all around. These are great concepts and I am glad that someone is doing research into these things and trying to lay the ground work for the greater good. Seriously, I commend their efforts. However, I don't believe that someone can be 100% "well". At least not in everyone's opinion. There will always be something wrong with someone. I say that because they talk about health and how you might seem healthy but not know there is something wrong with you. If there are no symptoms how are you to know unless you go looking and poking. Which is fine. But the more you look, eventually you're probably going to find something. Then there is the whole imbalance part of it and how we need to work to becoming balanced and so on. Okay, that's fine too. But, bottom line, no matter what I think is healthy or what my ideals of wellness are, are never going to match up with someone else's.

We also looked at wellness models. I tend to gravitate toward the holistic, at least that's what seemed to resonate with me the most when reading about the models. It was neat. 

I came across an article called When Pain Hijacks Your Brain. Someone on the support fibromyalgia page on facebook posted it and I thought I would give it a shot. The author basically outlined what I've been dealing with for a really long time. I'm naturally observant anyway, so I tend to watch and listen to people. I also really think about conversations I've had or things I've read or seen or what have you, so I don't often reply right away to something. But then there is this on top of it. I've been in a serious conversation with people before and just fucking lose what I was talking about. Then I spend a minute or two rambling because I'm trying to back track to remember what the fuck I just lost. It's really Gods damned annoying! And I do worry about Alzheimer's because my Grandpa has it. But yeah, reading this was kind of exciting and I will have to remember it the next time I get frustrated so I don't automatically start shutting down because I think I sound like an idiot. Actually, this article came at the right time. Because I've seriously been going over stuff I've said in a conversation with some friends recently. I was so worried that I came off like an idiot because I know I rambled some. Amanda said I didn't and to chill. LOL. 

I've learned that self esteem issues are still a bitch even at 32. 

In other news, I am waiting to find out how much it is going to cost to get my medical records sent to me. I signed a release form at my old doctor's office. I want to see my records myself because I am not sure I buy what I was told about my ultrasound to look at my ovaries. Amanda's Aunt (who is strange but worked at a hospital) seems to think with the amount of pain I am in just from my period that I have to have some cysts. She thinks because at the time, I didn't have insurance and couldn't afford to pay out of pocket for anything more, that my doctor didn't tell me the whole truth. Well, I really liked that doctor and hope she was honest. I will find out for sure when I get my records. 

I have also managed to do something to my back again. I am not sure when or what exactly, but I have a pinchy, burning, stabbing pain in my lower back again, on top of the dull incessant ache, and I can feel it tightening. This does not make me happy. This is not good. I took some tylenol and decided to just decided to work on the laundry today. We are so backed up and behind from when we were sick. Actually the whole house is getting cleaned this weekend. YAY!!! No really, I will feel much better when everything is put away and I can clean everything to my standards. 

Pickles, Sprite, Talking to Dad, People's Park, and the New Term.

I can't remember who did this illustration, I am sure it came from deviant art... or not, I don't know. I just need something pretty and happy after the weird-ass day I've had. Yes, it's 2:30 am. Yes, I should be in bed. No, I can't sleep. Yes, I wish I could because my damn eyes are bothering me- it is time for new glasses. But since I can't and don't just want to sit and veg out in front of the TV (although the Poldark reboot marathon I had recently was really nice), I am trying to do something constructive. Yes, it should probably be homework, but I'll get to that in a few. For now, I am sipping a can of Sprite and eating a pickle, because why not?

Today was nuts! I do mean nuts! Amanda had a meeting at work (on her day off of course) and then later she was supposed to donate blood. Why she didn't, I'll get into later. Anyway, the plan was to take her to work, then find some place down town to have lunch and maybe go ride the Looff Carousel since we still have tokens. So I got up, took her to work, and to keep from paying for parking while I sat in the car, I drive over to People's park just passed Brown's Addition. I've gone there before to sit while waiting for Amanda, so no big deal right? Uh, no. Today wacky, scary, and crazy were out. 

First, I pull in and get comfortable, crack the window, and happily watched the birds and the river pass. Shortly this car pulls up near my car and as always, I happen to look over to see this mostly attractive guy smiling at me. Like really smiling... and starting. So I smile back and pick up the book I brought to read and I can feel this guys eyes still on me. Sure enough, when I look over he's just sitting there watching me. So I decided that I would put the book down and call my Dad. As soon as my Dad answers, the guy gets out of his car. So I lock my doors just to be safe, knowing that Amanda will have to get me out because her stupid door is still broken. I asked my Dad if he had time to be on the phone with while a weird person stares at me. He said he did, so we start up on of many conversations. The weird guy actually walks in front of my car, looking in like he's looking for something or waiting for me to get out and when I don't he walks up this path a little bit, stops, stands there, looks back at me, and then goes back to his car and leave. I have no idea what he was there for or what he thought I was there for, but that's just strange.

So my Dad and I are still talking about 45 mins later, about the new Star Wars movie that I still haven't seen and his thoughts on it when another strange person appears. I'm not really a person who judges other people based on what they look like. I generally try give people two interactions before deciding whether or not I want to get to know them more or not, and I'm certainly not one of those "Oh he/she is black/Hispanic/whatever so they are up to something or no good" kind of people. You simply can't judge people by looks or color or race. However, this new guy really just put me off. He was middle eastern looking, no big deal, dressed really nice, looked to be mid 20s. He was carrying what looked to be a wadded up jacket. So despite my instincts saying, "um, he seems kind of odd", I pretty much just focused on the conversation I was having with my Dad. Except I see this guy walk to the bridge, get on it, stop in the middle and stand there. I wouldn't have thought anything of it because I had thought of getting out to do the same earlier, until the guy dropped the wadded up jacket into the river. That got my attention. I watched him walk back to his car, and drive away and told my Dad. It didn't look like he had anything big enough to be say a baby or even kittens or puppies, so I am hoping it was just drugs or something like that. Needless to say I was kind of freaked and really stayed in my car. Thankfully, though, Amanda called shortly after and I had to hang up with Dad and go get her.

Really quick, I mentioned Grad school to my Dad and I told him that I knew he and Mom wouldn't approve, but I am still seriously considering it. He said he didn't care if I went to grad school, but he thinks I should take some time off between graduation and going on to Grad school to just write and really set up a routine. He said it was because I am enough like him that I can think of 97 million reasons why I need to be doing something else. It's true.

Also, my very OCD mother is driving him bonkers. He was telling me about what's going on at home and he said he wasn't trying to dump on me, he was just trying to explain what's going on and see if I had any ideas of how to handle my Mom. LOL. My poor Dad. One my Mom is very OCD, two she suffers from chronic pain and has for as long as I can remember in one form or another, and three, she's stubborn as hell. So she's miserable, her knees are have gotten bad, and she wants to exercise to get the weight off because she's gained some because her thyroid is apparently off and so on and can't do too much because of some other issues. So she gets a sharp pain and jumps which aggrivates something else and she fusses. But that's not an issue, the issue is she's in the house all day, every day. My parents are broke most of the time so they can't go to the movies like she likes, and she doesn't really like going to the park because she's a hermit and so on so she's sitting at home and everything that's wrong is cycling in her head and she's a little bored so she's pestering my Dad about this or that and generally bitchy because of the pain. I know what my Dad's frustrated with because I had to deal with it for several years before I moved away from home. It's obnoxious, it draining sometimes, and sometimes you just want to tell her to shut up and go away but you can't because her feelings get hurt. Sigh. My Mom needs a friend. Or they need to move up here because I will drag her ass out of the house whether or not she feels up to it. I'd do the same to my Dad too. Basically she needs something else to obsess over, something positive. 

Okay so the rest of the day.

Amanda and I went to Tandy Leather to check out the store and see if we'd run into a friend who works there. Our friend wasn't there but we got some really good information on a project we are thinking about taking on.
We went to Long John Silver's for lunch because very rarely eat there and was having a horrible craving for their chicken and hush puppies (a deep fried cornmeal type of thing). Amanda's only eaten there once and didn't remember it but when she tried some of my chicken she was really loving it and I told her that was why I pretty much only go there once a year. I think everything on the menu is deep fried yummy goodness. However, there is another reason why I on'y go there about once a year and that is because it gives my stomach issues at night when I want to be sleeping. I just can't do a lot of grease any more. 

After we ate, we ran over to Lane Bryant so Amanda could use her members reward. She fond a dress on clearance, yay! It looks awful on the hanger, like old granny lady looking but on her it looks super cute! She decided after that, that she didn't want to donate blood at work, she just didn't feel up to it, so we went on to Post Falls where we would visit her parents and my friend Felicia and the kids. Only to find out when we arrived and the landlord was changing her parent's lock, that her mother's purse had been stolen at Good Will in Coeur d'Alene earlier that day. On top of that the employees were less than helpful in helping her look for and were apparently kind of rude. Amanda's Mom said whoever did it, had to do it quick and had to have been watching her, because she set her purse down in her cart, turned around to look at something and when she turned back her purse was gone. It really sucked. She was out doing a little shopping and paying bills and there went 200 in cash, her cell phone, some cards. It's bad. Amanda's Mom basically came home, ate some dinner, and went to bed. I can't blame her.

On a good note, I had a really nice visit with Felicia. I miss her so much. We only had a short visit, and the boys and the dog were all over me, but it was still nice. Well the boys were interested in me until Felicia sent them to play in their room so we could actually talk but that didn't last too long because they started bickering and fighting.

Lastly the new term. Its only week one, but I think I like it. The Wellness class is meh and so far, from what I have done of this week's homework going to annoy me with the whole "smoking is bad and being fat is bad" yeah yeah yeah, blow it out your ass. No, I'm not smoking, but I really really want to. My neighbors congregate in the stairwell and it comes in my house via the draft at the front door. So that certainly doesn't help. Anyway, that aside, the other class, the Advanced Creative Writing class, looks really obnoxiously challenging in a good way.  Obnoxious in that I can already see myself growing over the more difficult aspects of the class, like grammar and spelling, challenging in that I get to write more than 10 pages this time, and also, challenging in that I now have to sit down and try to figure out what the hell I want to write about. I'm thinking paranormal or Scifi/fantasy, definitely romance, and I don't know what else. Its going to be word vomit to start that's for sure, but in the end it will be a publishable piece, which is amazing!

The Jerk, company, a belated birthday pic, some other stuff.

A belated pic from my birthday. Amanda's Mom was going to make this whole woodland themed cake and then she heard me say I wanted to do Mermaids. Of course, I didn't know what she was planning. So she combined the two. So there is a german chocolate cake under the colorful icing and Cathy made regular cupcakes for those who didn't want the cake. That all took place last month but I wanted to share a pic of the cake at least. 

Still don't know my grade in my Lit class. So in my opinion, the instructor is still a jerk. 

My break week was and is kind of shot. We have had company the whole time. I wish I could have had some time alone to do a few things but I have also had some fun with the Twins and with Amanda's friend from Boston. It was nice to finally meet the Boston friend since she and I are so much a like. 

We went out yesterday to show Boston friend around and you know after three weeks of being sick, trying to run around downtown on foot is kind of exhausting. Worse, I haven't gained any weight that I know of, but my legs were like, "nope, bitch, nope!" The muscles kind of burned. They felt like that when I went to the community building to exercise. I had the same thing happen today too, but I will get to today later. So I am annoyed. But on to yesterday's adventure downtown.

  

We went to the Looff Carousel in River Front Park in downtown Spokane. It's an antique and really fun. 

Amanda on her horse

Boston friend on hers

And me on a dragon bench. I opted for the bench because I didn't feel like climbing on a horse and I could put all our bags next to us. Also, that is not black lipstick, it's actually a really dark purpleish-plumb. Also, I really need to redye my hair. 

After the carousel we fed the trash goat statue. It has a vacuum in its mouth, you press a button, and hold your trash under it and it sucks it up. It's kind of fun.  

We had a decision to make after the goat. Do we try to talk through the park (it is a big park and normal people can do it), find a bridge to cross the river, and go to The Flour Mill where the chocolate Apothecary, Wonder of the World, and Wonder's Bead Shop, along with several other shops are? Or do we just cross the street and to go Boo Radley's and find food for lunch? I opted for lunch because I honestly didn't think I could make it across the park, shop, AND make it back to do some more shopping and then make back to the mall's parking garage. 

So it was off to Boo Radley's toy shop. It was a neat little store that we hadn't even been in. Lots of fun trendy things. Atticus was our next stop. Atticus is a tea/coffee cafe/ bookstore and drink wear sort of store. (Yes these two stores are themed after two character's in To Kill a Mockingbird)

Amanda stole Boston Friend's head band.

So that was yesterday and today I had to take Amanda into work. She forgot that she had to be there at 8 instead of 7. When I came home, I called my Dad work on my new laptop. I just had a question or two about some of the programs I didn't recognize. I took a short nap afterward and then got up to cook lunch. We had bacon grilled cheese sandwiches. Well we had them with Amanda when Boston friend and I went to have lunch with her. I also took a Blood Orange and some red skin dill potato salad. It was nice to sit on the terrace of Amanda's work, which is up on the 8th floor. It's not too hot of a day, however, it is brilliantly blindingly sunny. So in the short time that we were up and out there, my arm started to burn. I had to move after about ten minutes. Thankfully, I haven't broken out in hives. Time to get some sun screen. 

Later we are going to go pick Amanda up form work, go to dinner, and then take Boston friend to the airport. I suppose we will just come home and go to bed after that. But our stint of company isn't over. I have to drive down to Moscow, Idaho tomorrow to pick up one of the Twins. She has a date with a dude from another town over. She doesn't drive. But hey, her sister will come get her. 

Well, time for another nap. 

Unexpected sewing projects, changes, exercise, self care

The twins came up for a visit this weekend. I mostly kept to myself and did my own thing, including watching the Talking Kitty on Youtube for a little bit. (I learned the sad news that Gibson, the gray kitty of that web series passed away recently from bladder/kidney infection complications) Other than that and a nightmare that I haven't quite been able to shake  (someone truly awful keep following and touching me and no matter how much I screamed and pushed, no matter how angry I got, they kept following, touching, and hurting me even- needless to say I don't want anyone to touch me in the conscious world either right now), it has been a quiet and pleasant weekend. Tonight I am going to make a lemon garlic chicken with cream sauce over rice with some asparagus for dinner. Amanda and I are going to pick up the house a little and then just spend some time together. 

Still don't know what my final project or even what my final grade is my lit class. *sigh*

All that aside, we went to Joann's fabrics yesterday. The twins wanted colored pencils and I wanted to check to see if they had the fabric I had in mind for one of the potential cosplay ideas I'd had. They do but it will be expensive. So if I go with that character, I am going to have to budget and plan accordingly.  While I was looking around, not intending to buy any fabric, I found the one pictured above and knew it not only had to come home with me but that I had to make a skirt out of it. I just had to get the okay from Amanda because she had all the money this time around. She not only approved but she'd found some really soft, minky like material with a Princess Sofia print and wanted something made from it. I will be making her two pillow cases. I am hoping to get those projects cut and sewn this week and get a set of curtains made for the dining room cut, sewn, and stamped/painted as well.

Yesterday morning, needing some time to myself but not wanting to stay home, I went to the apartment complex's community building with Amanda and the twins. They went swimming and I went to the tiny gym. The treadmill feels different than any other I have been on, the sitting bicycle is nice for the most part. I like the weight machines too but even though I was careful to not over do it, I am still a bit sore today. I didn't get up and move a lot while I was sick so I am slow, but also I have this problem where my brain thinks I can just go and go and go, but my body says "Wait a minute, think again!" Ever since that disk herniated its like I have had this disconnect and sometimes it feels like this isn't my body. This is obviously something I am going to be speaking with a therapist about. Something I also plan to get set up and started this coming week. But yes, I did some exercising and found that I actually like doing it alone better than with anyone else. It's nice to just put on a set of head phones and listen to music, shutting everyone and everything else out for awhile. 

Exercise is part of my self care, the self care that in the past I haven't been so great at maintaining- as in self care in general. I'm going to be fixing that problem. There have been some things that I have put off doing because of this or that or I was waiting for Amanda or trying to work it around her. Fuck that shit. I'm going stop that. Along with  that, I have some other changes that I am going to be integrating. Amanda almost has the spare room/office/bowie room put together and that means my desk will be moved in shortly, possibly even today. One of those changes is that when I go into that room, I am officially at work or school. Not to be bothered. Further, Amanda and I have both decided that if we really are going to make careers out of writing, then we need to cut down on social time. With her at work full time and me doing school full time plud the IEPG stuff, we just can't afford to do as much socializing as we have done in the past. Further we don't owe anyone any explanations, if we say no, that means no and will remain no with none of this going behind one persons back to ask  or con the other. No, means no. Period. And if our friends have any respect for us what so ever, they will respect that. 

I talked to my Dad again this weekend. There is some good news in their part of the world. My Dad is taking over the house arrest install business for his friend. Said friend and his girlfriend are moving to the Virgin Islands to live and work. The guy will still own the business, of course, but my Dad is running it for him and if business improves then my parents will have a little more money than what Dad was making at Wal-Mart and if not, then they won't and Dad will look for other options. Personally, I think it is a good deal especially since Dad will get to drive the company truck and not put more wear and tear on his. And he can still be there for Grandma and Grandpa. Of course they are still in the vicinity of the Beast (a.k.a. my aunt) but that's not going to change until they move. 

Well in keeping with some self care, I am going to go take a short nap with Amanda. We have our lovely new sofa and we want to try sleeping on it.

Jerks, Rurouni Kenshin, crochet, end of term, cosplay.

It's the end of another term. I am relieved. For as much as my instructor in my Lit class is a jerk to me, I have a feeling I am not the only one he's been that way to. Our last discussion board post was a reflection post, or as I like to call them "busy work" posts. It's supposed to be a summation of what you learned throughout the term. This one was a little more involved and a little more annoying. I did my post and was honest, expressing that I don't particularly like Lit classes because I don't like tearing novels and pieces apart. I don't like making assumptions about what I think the author may or may not have meant in their work. Point of fact a lot of people insist and argue that J.R.R Tolkien's Lord of the Rings is a reflection of his time in WW2, never mind that he stated it was not. When people won't even listen to the author- who created the work they are tearing to shreds- then their option becomes invalid to me. But that aside, I did talk about how I do see some value in literary analysis, just not to the point that a person begins to hate what they previously enjoyed. 

That said, my instructor left a long snide comment about how many creative writing and English majors often say they hate literary classes and then proceeded to thinly veil an insult that basically said we are all basically idiots because we are missing the point. We should also value tearing apart other writer's work. I just rolled my eyes, because I never said literary classes didn't have merit or value, I simply stated that I didn't enjoy them. Which means he didn't pay attention at all. The fact that he insulted all the creative writing students he's had that stated their displeasure in taking such classes is also kind of juvenile. But the best thing happened. Two other creative writing majors piped in with the same sentiments in support of me. That was a pleasant surprise. Of course, my instructor is waiting until the last minute to grade my paper and the back work I turned in from when I was sick. 

On to happier things.. per se. I talked to my Dad the other day about what was going on. I suppose things are a little better. My Mom was worried that she'd upset me. Well, yeah. Of course. Its not her fault though. Mom is allowed to vent to me too, I was just taken so off guard because it was less venting more like an emotional explosion.

Okay really happier stuff.

Look what Netflix put on. Apparently it's been on for a couple of months and I didn't know it. Well I do now and I am trying to pick up where I left off several years ago. Back when Toonami was on cartoon network during the afternoon, Kenshin was on for awhile, but they removed it before I could finish it. Of course, I was also working at a grocery store at the time and often had to work when it came on. Anyway, I am enjoying it and double up on the time I spend watching it with crochet. I have to get my cousin's afghan done before her birthday.

The twins, Amanda, and I are going to Kuro Neko Con this year. I really want to cosplay again and Amanda does too. She wants to go as Princess Sofia. I've just begun my hunt for who I want to go as. I want something that I can make kind of light since it will be July, but I want something long enough to cover up my leggings if I wear a dress. I would love to be Noelle from Trinity Blood, but garters and slits up both sides of the costume just doesn't work for me, not because I am fat or modest, but because I am not interested in possible chaffing. So if I go as anyone from Trinity Blood it will Ester. The costume is easy enough that I can put it together pretty much on my own and anything else I need help with I can ask a cosplay friend or watch Youtube vids. Don't know if I will stick with this one or not, but it is an option.