The Darkling Tag

Thanks to Sarah for tagging people who hadn't been tagged! I accept!

THE DARKLING TAG!

• What is your favorite candle scent? I tend to gravitate toward woodsy scents and fall scents like mulled cider or pumpkin pie.
• Do you have a favourite book? I have many! Mara Daughter of the Nile, Lord of the Rings, Fanny (a children’s book about a three legged cat and a puppy who becomes her friend) and The Night Prince Series.
• Are you a tea or coffee person? I enjoy both. Typically I have coffee in the mornings and tea at any given time of day or night (if I am up). Recently I mentioned that I liked tea to my Grandma and she asked me what kinds I like. I told her it would be more efficient to ask me the kinds I don’t like. I have a small stash and just recently found a lemon lavender tea. And I want to make my own blends eventually.
• What is your favourite perfume/cologne? Perfume. I have a bit of sensitive nose so I am generally very choosey and try to keep it light. In Spring and Summer, I like French Lavender and Honey body spray or Japanese Cherry Blossom from Bath and Body works. In Fall and Winter, I like their Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin. Bath and Body works recently came out with a Lavender Sandalwood that I love! I also enjoy patchouli oil but a sparingly.
• Do you have a celebrity crush? Takashi Kaneshiro, Chris Pine, Chris Evans, Tilda Swinton, Eva Green, and Ziyi Zhang. For voices, Ville Valo, Gackt, Travis Willingham- you know what there are too many for me to list there.
• If you could change your name to a stereotypical 90s/2000s gothy name, what would it be? Um Luna? I don’t know.
•  What are your top three tips for surviving hot weather while black clad? Sunscreen, Parasol, and lots of cool water!
• What song always makes you happy (doesn’t have to be a goth band?) Hmm… There are a lot but the one that leaps instantly to the forefront is The Rage Beat from the Gravitation OST. It makes me happy because I think about the anime.
•  Are you active in the arts (eg. Play an instrument, paint, write, etc)? I paint, sew, crochet, embroider, sometimes make jewelry, and write. I used to play piano and trumpet but the batteries in the keyboard corroded (I’m not entirely sure how to go about fixing that) and I had to sell my trumpet for gas money so I could get to my college classes. Thankfully, Amanda found a cornet at a garage sale and as soon as we get it from my parent’s basement, I can play again. We are also going to get an actual piano from craig’s list when we get a house… if we have room for one. Oh and I am going to learn to play the Erhu, a Chinese two stringed violin- just as soon as I learn their musical notation, lol. I found a book in English recently, so yay!
• What is your number one non-gothy hobby? Watching anime?

Thought Provokers:

• If you could be a supernatural creature, what would it be and why? There are a few. Vampire, because I have been in love with them since I was very young and enjoy reading books, watching movies, and writing stories about them. Dragon, for pretty much the same and while I know Smaug was technically a bad guy in the Hobbit, he was my first Dragon love. Elf, because I freaking love them and yes, its because of the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings. (My Dad read the Hobbit to me when I was really little) Kitsune, because Japanese fox spirits are really fascinating. I’ve read some really interesting lore about them and my totem animal is the fox.
• What horror monster-bases super power would you have? Shape shifting would be fun, teleportation would be handy for when I want to go visit family, but mind control would be great. I could make people smack themselves for being stupid and I don’t think it would ever get old.  
• Do you feel confident or comfortable interacting with other Goths or gothy people (online or irl)? Why or why not? I don’t feel confident or comfortable interacting with people in general- at least until I get to know them and then there are still those I’m never completely comfortable around.   
• Is there something you wish there was more of in your subculture? More plus size fashion- like actual, true, plus size fashion and community. I just recently learned there are once a month goth nights at a bar/club downtown. I don’t typically like bars, the drinks are always overpriced, and I’m just going to come out and say it, I get bored. I’m not much of a dancer and I’m often exhausted in rooms full of people. But, I’m going to try and go anyway and maybe do some networking.
• Care to share an embarrassing story related to your “darkliness”? Just general clumsiness. I tend to look at the ground when I walk to keep from tripping over things so I often get door opened on me or walk into things. I’ve given myself a very mild concussion getting into my Grandpa’s truck. I forgot to duck.
• How are you at DIY? I’d say, I’m okay at it, as long as I have a clear idea of what I am planning to do. When it comes to cooking, Amanda calls me her McGuiver chef.

Confessional (aka True or False):

• I love watching cheese romance films. True and False, depends on how cheesy.
• I ALWAYS remember to wash off my makeup at night. 98% true the other 2% would be if I fell asleep before getting to it.
• I sleep with plushies. True. I usually have a raccoon or fox plush. The cats also sleep with Amanda and I.
• I wear non-black pyjamas most nights. True. I have a couple of t-shirts and night gowns I like and they are light colors.
• I think Andrew Eldrich is overrated. I think the fact that I had to look him up is self-explanatory.
• I don’t like vampires. So Very False.
• I don’t like clubs. True, I just talked about that… >.>
• I don’t enjoy graveyards. False. I’ve been going to them since I was little. My Grandparents took me on Memorial Day to decorate family graves. I loved the headstones and mausoleums and wondering who the people who belonged to them were, what life was like when they lived, and so on. I’ve been to big city graveyards and little, out of the way- in the middle of nowhere Kansas- country graveyards. I like them all.  
• Blood makes me queasy. Not usually, I mean I’ve seen a lot! But there is one instance when it does, when Amanda gets a bloody nose. For some reason, I get a little sick from that and don’t really know why. Anything else I am fine with.
• I’d sooner faint than pet a spider. *shudder* Fainting is preferable and I have fainted. I did so in Toy’s R Us during Christmas rush and smacked my head on a checkout counter. It sucked balls!
• I don’t like haunted houses. Are we talking actual haunted houses or Halloween Haunted Houses? Halloween one are fun, but I always feel rushed through them. Sometimes I just want to stop and look to see how stuff works. Actual haunted houses are okay, depending on the activity.
• I’ve never read Dracula. False. I’ve listened to an audio version before bed for several nights.
• I think “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” is a long and boring song. It is long, but I don’t think it’s boring.

I'm going to follow Sarah's lead and tag anyone who follows me who hasn't been tagged and is interested.

Feeling like crap, affirmations, found things

In the comments of my last post, I mentioned to a friend that I would post a couple of the affirmations that I have on some manifestation boards in my house. I went on an affirmation seeking excursion on pinterest several months ago and only saved the ones that I really liked- or rather the ones I felt I needed most or that felt like me. I saved a couple of writer's quotes too. Anyway, the above affirmation is kind reminding me that I don't need permission to do what I need or want.

I love Lily Munster and I felt this was really great for how hesitant I've been about dressing and doing make up the way I've wanted to for years. It's weird, I don't give a shit about what the general public thinks, but my Grandparents and parents, their opinions hit me harder than anyone else's. Took me getting to age 33 to say fuck it and come out of the Belfry completely. 

Damn straight! I love this one! Its bad ass and speaks to the side of me that says "fuck with me and I will end you". Yes, I do have a side like that and no, I don't let it show very often. Mostly because I've been a people pleaser all my life. Hence why it took until age 33 to really come out as goth. 

Moving on to a few author's quotes: 

"True Alchemist do not change lead into gold; they change world into words" ~ William H. Gass

"You only fail if you stop writing" ~ Ray Bradbury

"Don't tell me the moon is shining. Show me the glint of light on broken glass" ~Anton Chekhov

Do these work? For me, I think they do. Whether or not I am putting on make up at my dressing table or working on something at my desk (the two locations that I have these boards) I've seeing something positive that I want to bring into my life or inspire certain elements within me. It;s not a 100% fool proof thing, but I think about 75% of the time they do help and I will take that.

For the last week or so I've been pretty worried about not being able to find some world building notes for a novel I've only sort of started. I keep rewriting the first chapter because I'm not sure where I want to go with it. The truth is, I don't know my characters as well as I would like. They didn't come fully formed, per se. So I am going to use some worksheets I found online to help develop them- again, I found them on pinterest. Anyway, I spent some time in the other room looking and found them!!! They are a disorganized mess. I'm going to have to rewrite them and then transfer them to a word document. Then I'm going to make a reference guide for the story and see how that works for me in as far as plotting and keeping everything together. In other words, I am going to see if putting in extra effort to be organized instead of having chaos all the time, will help me accomplish the damned novel.

I have felt like crap the last couple of days. The depression monster is really kicking my ass again. It also doesn't help that I awoke in pain again this morning and on top of that, Narcisa decided that it was time to bug the shit out of me. She was knock things over on my nightstand, trying to eat my hair, trying to lick me, and would not stop. And if that wasn't enough, Amanda kept slipping her hands under me and pushing me toward the edge of the bed. She almost pushed me off a time or two. I kept waking her up to tell her to stop and the minute she was asleep, she'd shove her hands under me again. One, it hurt and two, it was pissing me off. And then she got really snippy with me for being pissed at her. I just wanted to be left alone to sleep! Of course, Amanda found it funny when she I told her about it later. I didn't. After I took her to work this afternoon, I ended up on the sofa with the heating pad to try and soothe my body. I also took two Naproxen Sodium to take the edge off. I have got to get a handle on this pain. I need to be able to move!   

Gothic Desk Organizer, I dyed my hands, and sleep

My desk is nearly always busy. I spend a lot of time at it and since it is also in the living room, sometimes it kind of becomes a catch all for random things. I got tired of constantly having to dig through my desk drawer to find flash drives and little notebooks and such, so I bought this little desk organizer thing pictured above from Amazon. I really liked the overall structure but didn't like that it was white. So, I painted it black with the intention of decorating it somehow.

I used some Halloween paper and Mod Podge to cover the bottom of the little drawer. 

I set a self adhesive plastic gem into the "gem setting" spot of this lovely pendant that I bought at Michael's awhile ago. Then I glued this sucker onto the front. I'd originally bought the pendant for Amanda but she said I could have it. I'm going to replace it as soon as we go to Michael's again.

This is the finished product. Oh, I painted it with black acrylic plain and did a matte Mod Podge Clear Acrylic Sealer. I added a couple more gems because I felt it needed a little something more.

Here it is on my desk with my various notebooks, some hand creme and chap stick. I love it!

Today, while I was waiting for the acrylic sealer to dry, we dyed Easter Eggs. It's tradition Amanda and I both grew up with in our respective christian families and it's just fun. Her parents also came over for lunch. It was a nice afternoon. I played with the easter egg dye, dying coffee filters, my hands, eggs, paper towels- Amanda's Dad told her to take the dye away from me three times. Normally it's her Dad telling me to take stuff away from her.

Last night I slept the first full night laying down where I didn't wake up with pain around or near my incisions. That's improvement. I did however wake up with my lower back hurting. But I cleaned a bit yesterday and we went to a couple of stores, so I walked a bit as well. It was bad enough that I bit the bullet and took a pain pill left over from my surgery. I've also sat with some heat on my back to help loosen the muscles. 

I was hoping to be finished with my fanfic this weekend but it looks like it's going to be a couple more days, perhaps a week.  I still have to edit it, but I know how it is going to end and ehm, my notes so far leave it open for a squeal.  

Neighbors, writing struggles, and musical zen,

Yesterday, I left to take a walk to my mail box. I was wearing my sun and moon leggings, a back dress that goes to my knees, and was carrying the lovely UV protection umbrella/parasol (I'm mildly allergic to the sun and some medication I am on makes me even more sensitive to sunlight) Amanda bought me for my birthday. All the neighbors who were waiting for the noon bus to pick up their kids at the corner stared at me. I had a little giggle. It's almost as if they've never seen a fat goth before. LOL actually, come to think of it. I don't think many of them have ever seen me period. I haven't exactly gone out much except to get the mail or go straight to the car since living here. I don't hang out with my neighbors. 

Speaking of my neighbors, I heard someone say "fuck off" really loudly outside my patio door last night and since I was up, I opened the curtain to see a woman walking away from a cop who was shining a flash light at her. I closed the curtain and went back to my business. In all reality she was probably drunk or something.

I slept a bit yesterday. It was good and I actually laid down for a bit with no problems. That's improvement. However, I was having a bad day emotionally. Not sure what set it off but I remember sitting at my desk, trying to write the last chapter I was working on while crying. I thought, I have nearly 400 pages, I'm struggling with this story and don't know why since I know where I want to go- more or less- with it, but it's nearly 400 pages of fanfiction, which means that when I do get it finished it is not publishable nor was it ever meant to be. But that made me a little sad. I feel pulled to work on other stories, but I have denied those urges because I have this terrible problem of not finishing projects and I am damned determined to see this one through to the end. It's a matter of proving to myself that I can. It is also a matter of me seeing if I can write period, which after yesterday's ugly cry fest, I felt less than mediocre. 

I e-mail Amanda at work and told her I was having a terrible day and we decided not to worry about cooking and went to Ron's Burgers, a local business near our house. I didn't want to go in, so we did the drive thru and came home. We both fell asleep watching Ab Fab but I woke sometime around eight and finished a movie I'd started several days ago. Then I moved over to my computer to pick up the writing work again. Except I didn't get much writing done last night because I spent about two and half hours listening to various music on youtube. I was all over the place. Halsey, Lady Gaga, the 69 Eyes. I stumbled across two new artists that seem interesting.

I'm guessing Kerli just might be pagan. Don't know, but there is some interesting imagery in the video.

Eivor was interesting, wasn't on the same heavy bass and epic level of music I seemed to have favored last night but maybe that's what made it so appealing. 

I, of course went for a favorite from Gackt. I love his voice! He's pretty too, but really, I just love listening to him sing. 

I learned about Nathan Lanier while listening to my Two Steps from Hell Station on Pandora. I love this song so much. He's definitely becoming a new favorite for epic music to write to.

Anyway, I relaxed a bit while listening to music, let myself get lost in a lot of it, and it was very much a kind therapy or meditative sort of thing. I felt a little better afterword, enough that I was able to finish the short chapter I was working on. 

I've started a small project, since I listen to music while writing, to write down songs that evoke certain emotions or have some reference to an element, such as water or fire. I'm trying to assemble an "elemental" playlist of sorts for a a story I'm going to be writing soon. One of the songs I found, which I think might actually fit the story really well is this one by Seabound, called Scorch the Ground.

 

It is so weird to think that I first heard this song a decade ago. 

Well, I since I was up all night again and am hurting a bit today, I am going to go lie down with a book with the hopes of crashing out soon.

Weather maps, sitting in the dark, crafty things

I've only seen the XXXholic movie so I don't know much about the show or manga, anyway, I adored the little drinking buddy and bought myself a plush of him before I got with Amanda. He's been hanging out in the living room lately. Today, mostly in effort to keep Narcisa from stealing my hair bows, I put the on the drinking buddy's ears. Not only does he look adorable, but he's expressing his inner Goth. I found the hair bows at Walmart of all places, in the Halloween section. I will introduce them properly in my Haunted Humpday post tomorrow because I have another set and a couple of other fun goodies to share. For now think of this picture as a preview. 

Today I am sitting in the dark- well sort of. I have the patio door open so I can enjoy the nice 47 degree, cloudy weather, and have the side table lamp on long enough for me to write this post. As soon as I am finished, I will turn it off. Since I awoke to a beautiful, gloomy day, I checked the weather app on my computer. I love this app because I can look at the weather in my "favorite" places too. So, I look at weather in different parts of the United States, Japan, Europe, and some times I just sit and look at the structure of the coast lines. I know its weird, but I like maps and I like watching the flow and progression of weather. I'm sure most of my friends would groan, but I have been itching for snow. I get it, we are getting older and colder weather, fronts, and rain makes the bones and joints ache, but snow is amazing and so is rain!

Crafty things! I have a felt project I am either doing today or tomorrow. I saw it on pinterest and when I showed it to Amanda, she liked it so much she thinks we need to do a lot. Good thing felt is cheap. My friend Rachel brought me a craft project last night, it is die cut wood that I can paint and string up as garland. She brought me some other little things too, but I am saving them for tomorrow.

I ganked this twisted pixies' instagram page. Twisted pixies makes pretty gothic jewelry and often has interesting little quote pics like this. I thought this one was fitting in light of how I have been feeling lately and because some of my friends have a similar struggles in their lives. Certainly it is a different perspective and kind of an uplifting one, although I'm not saying we are damaged, but if anyone feels broken or damaged, well, it says it for itself. 

I am feeling a little better. Thank you to everyone who commented and to those who didn't but sent encouragement and support via other means. All of it is greatly appreciated and I'm sending my own hugs, support, and love back to you. 

Salad is my excuse to eat croutons and a thrift store find turned into diy goth goddess

Amanda and I found this really interesting wall plaque at the Goodwill store near our home. For us, it had a pagan feel and just seemed like it needed to come home with us. There was a very faint, barely there sort of paint job on the flowers and leaves, and it had some dirt in the nooks and crevasses. I didn't like weird dirty pink tone of it, so I decided to paint it. At frist we thought it would be a pretty Greenwoman. I've been drawn to the idea and image of the Greenwoman for many years. Actually, I was at a Renfaire and saw a Greenwoman mirror stand with a round mirror that set into the top of it and knew instantly that it was mine. Sometimes you just know. (Elen of the Ways is the closest I've come to finding a "Greenwoman" figure- not that I looked really hard until a few months ago when I saw some statues. Just kind of seemed like a rare thing.)

Anyway, I was going to do some "as I work" pictures but never seemed to remember to take them while I was painting. I'm sorry, I really got into it. So here is the final result. 

Believe it or not, trying to get paint into some of those tight and small spots was kind of difficult, especially when I was trying not to get it in places I didn't want it to go. I had to keep going back to do some touch ups. But no more, it is finished, sealed with a clear spray paint and ready to go up on a wall. I just haven't decided which wall and in which room as of yet. 

Yes, as the title suggests, the small salad I had for lunch which was basically mushrooms and spinach, was my vehicle and excuse to eat the seasoned herb croutons I bought from the store last weekend. I don't normally buy croutons and pretty much have them once in a great while as a kind of treat, but I was craving them for some reason. 

Since we happen to have mushrooms, another thing I don't buy often because Amanda doesn't like them and will only eat them if they are in cream of mushroom soup, I put them in my breakfast scramble this morning. That consisted of an 8th of a pound of sausage, onions, spinach, red and green bell papers, and mozzarella cheese. Because I woke up after Amanda went to work, I just made a small batch, just enough for myself. It was lovely. You know what else was lovely, pumpkin pie spice coffee creamer. Yep, we found some at Fred Meyer this last weekend. I love having it in my coffee. 

Yesterday's Shopping Adventure Finds and Impromptu Craft Project.

Yesterday's adventure of shopping didn't turn out as expected. In fact, I didn't even make it to the Kiev Market. I actually got it mixed up with the European Delicacies market. I didn't buy anything there and I think that was party because I was on the phone, but I did pick up a few things from the Oriental Market along the same road. One of those things being the Green Tea Powder above. 

I also found this tea and am excited to try it out

I bought this bottle of pomegranate molasses for Amanda so she could try it out when she makes her molasses cookies. 

Lastly on the shopping goodies list, I am interested to see what I can do with this.

Yesterday was a really hot day and I was out in it for a couple of hours. By the time I got home I was ready for the dark, arctic haven that is my house. Of course I had to carry in my groceries first. After putting them away and deciding to rearrange three of my kitchen drawers, I wanted to do something crafty, because sitting down to do homework when I was going to have to leave in an hour didn't seem appealing. 

I think I caught a ghostly orb. Taking some of these pictures was bizarre today. 

I've had this metal container and used it in our various bathrooms for as long as Amanda and I have been together. I've been meaning to re-purpose it for my makeup. I've decided to take a page out of Bane's blog and Goth it myself.

This is the finished product and version 2. The first go-round I'd taken a plastic/ rubbery bat, covered it with silver glitter, and then hot glued it to the container. Trying to fix it wasn't working so I just pulled it off and moved on to this. It is a wine glass cover for Halloween, but it still works. I also used mod podge to help seal the decal in and give a textured look. It was a lot of fun and I am looking forward to setting it up.