Out of control...

Things in my little corner of the world have grown very complicated and I am stuck feeling very much like a boiling pot of anger and high strung tension that is ready to burst, raining down vengeful wrath on all who are in my wake. No joke, I'm serious.

I've mostly come to terms with moving back to Idaho. It never takes me long to get settled with an idea or notion. I'm not saying that I am flaky, just that I adapt and adjust pretty darn well to new or altered situations. I still haven't told my Grandparents but I will eventually, when I am ready.


The weekend family problem with my cousin Amanda has gotten a little better and a little worse in some ways. For the better, my Cousin had to sign over temporary custody of her daughter to my Aunt. For the worse, She lied to the social work on so many levels. My uncle used to be a bouncer at a strip club and also at a bar and had a few battery charges against him that were dropped, but she used that against my Aunt and Uncle so now my Uncle can't live in his own damn house while her daughter is there. Also, my Aunt only has custody of the little girl until Cousin Amanda goes into some family treatment program that's supposed to help her get of drugs and alcohol.  Cousin Amanda give up pills and booze? Maybe long enough to get her daughter back but as soon as she has her and is off the radar, she'll go back to using. And she's supposed to get rid of Shelby, but we all know she hasn't because my Aunt heard him talking in the background of their phone call today.

There is more to this horrible situation, like the little girl being scared and afraid to let go of my Aunt or have my aunt out of her sight. There's that she's telling people that she hates her mom and she hates Shelby and that they both hurt her. All of it just makes me furious! Especially when I know she's going to be put back in that situation all over again.

Once again I find myself asking why all the bad people get everything they want while all the good people have to eat shit.

Now on to school. I've had my ups and downs with school, but that is to be expected. However, last night, I just about blew my top. I finally got to meet the instructor who is supposed to be teaching my DC Electronics class and he is a massive dick! Everything he said and did just rubbed me wrong, especially when he treated my lab partner and I like we were idiots. Worse, he was condescending and rude, impatient. And he talked about the class to his Senior students as if we were all a bunch of idiots right in front of us. I can honestly say that I will be extremely glad to be away from him when I transfer after I move. Oh and I met the new department chair for my department, he's kind of a jerk too.

And today hasn't been the easiest of days on the home front either. My back has been bothering me a lot. I can walk and move around but I can't stand as long as I have been able to and I have pain shooting down my leg. I really don't like taking my pain meds, but today I really had to. If that wasn't enough, I had the hiccups all day long! That was really annoying. Plus my Aunt came over and ranted at me and then my mom came down and told me what I was and wasn't going to do and for the rest of the day she bothered me every ten minutes. She needed this or that or wanted me to do this or do that. I lost my temper a few times.

All that aside, I got to sort of watch Ghost Hunters and Paranormal Witness on SyFy tonight. That was nice. I really find those shows interesting. Just for curiosities sake, I even went online to see if there were any paranormal groups up in Idaho. There are, not that I will be joining in anytime soon, but it's nice to know they are there if I ever want to check them out. 

My World: Yanked down a Sinkhole in one week.

The weeks started out pretty good, or so I thought, Monday morning at least. Monday afternoon my girlfriend told me that she wanted to move back to Northern Idaho. I had to pull the car over and park it before panic ensued. We had a plan: move in with my parents, save money, get into the town houses they live in or find a suitable two bedroom house or apartment. Guess that plan wasn't good enough anymore. I was in such a state of shock, and how it had been presented (nigh like an ultimatum) that I couldn't go to class that night.

Tuesday wasn't much better, in fact, panic hit me hard as I scrambled to find some sort of compromise. My girlfriend ditched worked and I ditched class so we could go somewhere and talk, as in talk without parents or family or friends bothering us. I presented her with "Let's stay until I graduate, that's a year and a half away and even on graduation night, we can move to Idaho then." Nope, she wasn't going for it. It had to be that we move in October or at the latest, sometime in December. I fought and pleaded with her, I even begged her but she won't budge. She misses her parents. I understand that and I sympathize, I've been in her shoes. In a perfect world, I would move with her the minute she wanted me to. But it's not a perfect world, my Grandparents are both 83 years old. Grandpa has Alzheimer's and I will lose precious time with him where he will remember me. Grandma needs help too. But that doesn't seem to faze my girlfriend.

Tuesday night we went to spend some time with my pseudo brother, Lucas and his girlfriend. After which we drive to the other side of town to spend time with another friend and ended up staying overnight. Wednesday afternoon, I went to my Dad's work, because I figured he couldn't kill me there, and told him the news. He was PISSED! The rest of Wednesday was spent with me in tears, dreading to go home, and finally hashing it out with my parents. In the end they weren't all that mad at me, they think this is a very stupid move, but they love me and will support me no matter what I decide to do. How the HELL do you choose someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, who you've been with for almost 4 years, and your family?

Thursday, spent all day sick with panic, again, and dread over telling my grandparents that I was moving. Told my cousin Sheena about the move and well, that pretty much crushed her. Did I mention that I've been crying myself to sleep every night?

Friday, I was starting to come to terms with the move, was a little more forgiving and less weepy and 'GRR' in how I dealt with people. That was until I got a call that I needed to take my Cousin Sheena to her brothers. Sheena wouldn't tell me anything until we were in the car and then we spent all of last night waiting to hear from the doctors and the police exactly what was going on.

The full story, my slut, p.o.s whore of a cousin Amanda Jean, dropped her kid off with her and Sheena's brother Tony. Now this kid adores Tony but something was wrong last night. She wouldn't go to him, was scared of him, and when Tony asked why, she said Shelby, that Amanda Jean's boyfriend, hurt her. When Tony asked where, she pointed to her diaper. So Tony called my Aunt Laura and they took the kid to the hospital to get looked at. That poor little girl, of only 3 years old, has been sexually molested. And on top of that, she'd been completely taken away and put in foster care for the time being.

Now no one can find or get in contact with her mother, Amanda Jean. The police are looking for her and her boyfriend, Shelby. And if that wasn't enough, apparently they stole Shelby's aunt's pain medicine shortly after she had surgery and her debit card. Also, they've been stealing other things and selling them at pawn shops. The last thing we heard of them was from Shelby's aunt this morning, apparently they showed up to the aunt's house and Shelby had a gun saying that he was going to blow his head off but as usual, Amanda Jean and Shelby escaped before the police could arrive.

So, we don't know where they are which is probably a good thing since most of us have murder in mind. Personally, I want to to torture the fuck out of Amanda Jean and Shelby and impale what's left of them out in some field for the crows to pick at. My aunt and uncle are going to try and get custody of the little girl and if they can't, I'm going to try. I love that little girl so much and I can't believe anyone would let something this horrible happen to her or any kid.

Happy Early Birthday to my Girlfriend!

And here is the near disaster of a birthday cake I made her. By disaster, I mean that I tried to make homemade icing and that was an epic fail, not that it didn't taste good but I didn't get all the confectioner's sugar mixed in. I had to use store-bought icing and add food coloring then make icing roses. I really need practice with that but for my first time, they didn't turn out too bad.

And of course I was under some pressure this afternoon when putting it all together, my mom wanted to help and while that's awesome, she was driving me nuts, people were coming, and I still didn't have everything ready for the party. So my coffin cake doesn't look quite like a coffin that has blood drizzled on it (melted red icing, not real blood mind you), and dirt (grated chocolate). And I don't have a real camera, just a crappy phone camera so the pictures don't come out as crisp as I would liked them to have.

But there you have it. It's been a long day and I didn't even make it to DAR this morning. Time for a movie and to relax.

New Class Line Up and Vampires galore!!!

Been a bit busy this week since the new quarter started up. I'm now in quarter 3 of 8 at ITT Tech and that means I'm almost half way finished. As always they've changed my class schedule to different days and I wouldn't mind so much if I didn't have a class on Saturday afternoon now. That means potential conflict with DAR. DAR is in a smaller town not too far away but it's a good 45 minute drive from my house. But, I should be okay and if it runs over I can always leave the meeting early to make in time for class. I really don't see the other members being bothered by that. You know since we promote education and all.

All that in mind, I have three new classes! I'm not too thrilled about having math again but it goes hand in hand with my degree so I'll suck it up there. I'm taking College Math 1, DC Electronics, and Micro Economics. So far I've only had DC Electronics and College Math and I really enjoyed DC Electronics. My instructor for the 1st 3 weeks is from Greece and wouldn't you know it, he was the one who came up with and worked on AT&T U-Verse. Now, I will never tell him that I hate AT&T because they screwed me over on my internet. But I thought it was pretty cool to have an instructor that's done something so large like that. I also like that he has quite the potty mouth and says 'shit' just about every sentence. He makes me laugh.

Math class is interesting, I'm not sure where my instructor is from but it's somewhere in Africa. He's a very nice guy and speaks English just fine. I've heard other students complain about not being able to understand him, but I think he's understandable and there were only a few instances where I was like 'huh?' but I figured it out.

Speaking of math and DC Electronics, I'm learning scientific and engineering notation. I think I've got it down but I'm very shaky with it and unsure. I think I need to do some more practice problems.

Now on to the good stuff... We've just watched the end of this season's True Blood. Wow, what a way to end it, a major cliff hanger. I don't want to spoil it for anyone, and I'm not going to, but let me just say, poor Lafayette! Sookie Stackhouse, you're a fucking moron! Wolf boy who's name I can't spell (we'll just call him Al ) go away! There I've said my peace and now I'm eagerly awaiting the next season.

I'm watching the 2nd season of Vampire Diaries. I had forgotten a few things from the 1st season but they've come back to me as I've been watching the 2nd. It's pretty interesting and I still adore Damon Salvatore. I don't know why no one will give him a chance. He's got lots of love if only held get off Kathrine and Elena and look for someone who actually deserves him. Not finished watching it yet but when I am, my cousin Sheena is recording the 3rd season on her DVR so I'll go over and catch up with her.

Lost my drive, went for a drive...

While I am sure there are plenty of back country roads that look like this here in Kansas, this was not one that I drove on tonight. Rather, I live in a city and so I was riding the main streets and even the highway just to get out of the house. And sometimes it's just nice to go for a short drive despite the crippling gas prices. It's up to $3.59 where I live and I suppose I shouldn't complain since it is probably higher elsewhere.

I used to go on drives a lot. In fact one of the neat things about going to college in a different town, when I was going to one in a different town, was the drive home at night, after class let out. It took me half an hour to get home and I would sing along to music or think about stories, or just think. It was a nice bit of uninterrupted 'me' time.

I've been losing my drive to do things more and more lately. I don't really know the cause of it. Could be depression. Still, even when I was horribly depressed a couple of years ago I still managed to do things everyday, things I don't do anymore. I used to write every day, sing, read, and even do little craft like things. Now I only seem to have the energy to sit and watch movies or sleep. That might have something to do with my back bothering me. It might also have something to do with feeling endlessly stuck, or perhaps all of those things combined. Either way, I don't like this current 'me'. I want to get out and get on with things.

Next week I start another quarter of classes so there will be less free time to sit and mope around. I've also been looking for possible places for my girlfriend and I to move to. We've been to a couple of places to look at them and ask all the necessary questions and there are a few nice possibilities. I've also been looking for work again and in turn, doing the exercises for my back so it doesn't hurt so much. My back is still giving me a lot of grief. I can't go to the store and shop for half an hour without hurting bad enough to take a pain pill when I get home. I've got a long way to go with my back but I am at least happy that I can walk and move around on my own.

These last couple of days my back has been a bit worse than usual so I've been sitting on ice packs and resting, catching up on Torchwood. I would try to write but like I said, I don't have much drive to do anything much any more. I am now ready for season 3 of Torchwood. I really love this show and recommend it to anyone who wants to see a good scifi/drama who doesn't mind male on male action. There's not tons of male on male, but what there is, is scrumptious!

And I have also been watching a show my cousin wanted me to watch called Weeds. That's like watching a never ending train wreck. I think after seeing that show, even if I wasn't the daughter of a corrections officer, I still wouldn't sell drugs, use them, or have anything to do with them. It's just bad news all around. Still, the show is entertaining in some respects. I don't have a favorite character, I pretty much think everyone in the show is a shit.

I also saw The Forbidden Planet last night. Well, I caught the last half hour of it. Apparently, according to the host of TMC, The Forbidden Planet had little meddling from the studio or whoever meddles in the affairs of movies because they didn't think scifi movies were that big of a deal. But when The Forbidden Planet hit the theaters and did so well, it kind of paved the way for other scifi movies. I thought it was a neat little fact.

In my doldrums again...

This week has been one hell of a week and it's not even close to being finished. Whew! We've definitely been running around like headless chickens and all over the city, literately. Weekend last my Dad blew up at my girlfriend for sticking up for me. That wasn't very nice of him especially over the subject matter which I won't get into. And no, it's not over our relationship if that's what you're thinking.

So, my girlfriend and I have spent every morning and into some afternoons this week apartment hunting. We are trying to stay out of the southwest part of town and I don't particularly want to live in the southeast part either. However, if I have to, I have to and at least I will be closer to school, not sure how safe we will be. We did find a row house and the land lady of said row house seems to really want us to move in. She was making all kinds of offers and was extremely nice. There are some really positive advantages to the place and some very negative ones. One being that it's quite a bit small and I'm not sure we can fit everything we own inside. Another being what part of town its in and the neighborhood. Still we have a friend who lives there and no one has bothered her... yet.

Another option is to live in the town houses my parents live in but the buy in price is $8500.00. Of course you can pay half of that when you move in and some other things. However, there is yet another option that is very similar. There are another set of town houses not too far from where my parents live owned by the same company. They are smaller, have no basement, but the buy in price is cheaper. The down side, rent will be higher and we could only have one animal. I have two cats and they have been with me since I was in my mid teens. I can't just give them up and I can't choose which one to take. So I am not sure the second town houses are really an option. We are still looking and watching the local ads to see if anything else pops up that looks appealing and within our budget.

Now about the picture above. Yes, that is Torchwood! My mom got me hooked on the new season, Miracle Day. This week, while Dad was out of town for work, she snagged me we started watching season one on Netflix. I really do love it! Capt. Jack Harkness is wonderful! If I could, I'd hug him.

Aside from all that, I've gotten all depressed again. I'm worried about my grade in that stupid networking class I just finished. I get that while IT students and professionals need it and enjoy it, it was the most stressful class I have had. Even math doesn't compare and I loathe math. The fight with my Dad has been bothering me because no matter what I say or do, nothing has changed and will ever change. I'm still looking for a part-time job and just down right depressing. And I keep analyzing and going over things in my head, things I can't do anything about, which is annoying and depressing as well. On the upside, I've lost weight, 18 pounds.

I can't believe I did this...

I made a twitter account last night so I could follow Felicia Day. Never mind that I could do that from facebook and her blog. Over 24hrs later I'm following several cast members of The Guild and Guildwars. Since I felt like I had somehow committed an act of self betrayal by starting the account, I made one for my cat, Yoda. His life is slightly more exciting... Okay, he is cute, cuddly, and all things adorable. Still learning the navigation of the site...

In the mean time, while I have done my part of the group project (making a fictional website for a fictional company with almost no information to go on), I am procrastinating on the rest of my homework and going to go to my cousin's to watch Priest soon. But I don't feel too bad about it, I still have four days to the rest of my labs and the last two chapters of homework. And, of course, one more class in which we will present our projects and take the final, and I am done with it!