Friday, October 29, 2010

I need to vent because I'm going nuts.

I'm still looking for a job. That task hasn't been easy nor has it been fruitful and frankly it looks pretty bleak. But that hasn't stopped me from looking. I've even applied at Suite 101 just so I could have a little money coming in to help. It's been well over a week and while their website says application are reviewed within 24hrs, my application status is still blank. So I pretty much gave up on them.

On top of that and all the bills that we are struggling pay, I dropped my cell phone in the toilet, thought it was dried out enough, put it back together and promptly fried it. So I am borrowing my mother's cell phone but put my sim card in it. The only problem with that is that my sim card doesn't want to give up the phone book numbers I have plugged into it therefore I don't know who is calling when they call. And since I am getting calls from collections for my hospital bills... I'm never sure who it is that is calling.

Stressful as all of that was, we had to borrow money from Sko's parents to help us so we can at least get enough groceries to survive on. My parent's paid off the rest of my car and lo and behold it decided to start acting up. Sko's car still isn't fixed so we've been running on one car and barely been able to afford the gas to put in it to keep it going. So when she called me told me that it was smoking and smelled like it was burning and a couple of other things and she didn't think it was safe to drive it home and now I have to get my parents to let me borrow their truck to go get her... *Screams and banks head on desk*

Oh and the beauty of it all is that both my parents are telling me to calm down. How the hell am I supposed to calm down when I've been panicking every day, felt so horrible and useless, don't even know what to do anymore, and feel so guilty terrible that they have had to help me so much and Sko's parents have been helping too and it's just... I mean I don't even know what to do anymore and I'm about to go crazy with all of these emotions flying around and switching back and forth. They just want me to be all calm and collected about everything, like this isn't a big deal. It IS a big deal because it's more money that I know they don't have that they will have to shell out to help me again.

Worse, I was going to try and do NaNoWrMo next month and I don't even think that I'll be able to settle down and clear my head enough to produce anything.

The whole reason I quit working at OLC was so I didn't have to live in a constant state of fear and panic and dread. But it's almost as if I didn't quit, just different circumstances and environment.

There, I vented.

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