Disturbing my inner zen

In the last couple of days, I've had a moment or two to scan some political websites I like to read. The GF and I don't have cable or local channels, it was a matter of cable or internet and since we would get more use out of the internet we chose the internet. Anyway, since playing catch up, I've learned some things that down right send ripples in my proverbial inner pool of calmness.

A.) Apparently President Obama and his goons are working to toss out the second amendment of the US Constitution. For those who don't know that's the right to bare arms. You know what I say to that. FUCK THEM! There's no way in hell I'm giving up my gun, or the guns I will inherit when my grandparents and parents pass. And there is no way I am giving up my swords or knives either. I'm a fat, white female. I neither know martial arts nor can I run that fast. I'm not helpless, but to quote the GF's father "It's better to be tried by 12 than carried by 6". Meaning it's better to go on trial for hurting or killing someone in self defense rather than to be dead in a casket and carried to my final resting place by six.

B.) I also learned that some college student and faculty at Georgetown want to ban right wing, conservative internet sites. They also don't want conservatives on TV or radio because they "corrupt" and are "dangerous" to their political agendas/values/ and what not. And this is while while they claim to want to "protect free speech".

C.) There is also the matter of a California High School suspending some high school seniors who wore white t-shirts for their senior pictures. Why? Because they claim that wearing white was other students were offended and threatened by their shirts and that they were also part of some white supremacist gang. But not all of the students wearing white that day are even white. At least one of the kids was Asian.

Frankly, I'm getting sick and tired of all this BS. I'm tired of people trying to take away my rights and those of others.

A frightening afternoon, college, and a note of sadness.

So while I was surfing the net I wanted to see if my blog came up under it's title, which I thought I had cleverly come up with. Turns out, on a bit of a sad note, that I wasn't the only one to think up "Foreigner in my own backyard" but someone else has that blog title. Although, they don't seem to be posting anymore. So, I shall have to come up with a new title when I get some time and can think of something more appealing than 'Kitty land'.

As for lack of posts and not being able to think very well, I have a damned good excuse. College! I'm coming to the end of my first quarter and I have finals and course projects to do. I'm so scatterbrained I'm not even sure when my last day of class is, not that the syllabi are really helping with that. Oh well, I'll just ask my math/problem solving teacher tomorrow, if I remember.

Yesterday was a terrifying afternoon. Most of my close friends and relatives know that my parents are paranoid and instilled a healthy sense of paranoia in me. So when I went to my parent's house the day before yesterday to check on my mother (her legs had been jumping the night before) and found the front door unlocked, it was a little cause for concern. At first I thought she might have been at my aunt's house across the street. So I went to see only she wasn't there. I went back to my parent's house and went up to her room to check on her. What I found scared the shit out of me. My mom's dog was barking at me and my mom was lying in bed not moving. I couldn't even tell if she was breathing or not. So I got closer and Kali, that's my mom's dog, got even more hostile which meant there was something wrong. Kali is always very protective of mom when something is wrong.

I called out to my mom and she didn't respond but her eyes were half open and glazed over and I started to panic. I grabbed the dog, tossed her out of the room and shut the door and slapped my mother hard in the face. No response. I checked for her pulse but couldn't find it in her wrist but I could see that she was at least breathing. So I slapped her couple more times trying to get any response out of her. Nothing. By that time my cousin Shi-chan had come up and was trying to help me wake my mom up. I thought if I pounded on my mom's feet (something she hates and would normally punch me for) that would get something out of her, it didn't. I panicked more and ran into my Dad's office and called him cussing and demanding for him to stop that he was doing and come home right then. He told me not to panic, that she has seizures like this and just to keep trying to get her to wake up and he'd be home soon.

It took awhile but we got my mom to wake up. She was in so much pain and so worn out. So Shi-chan and I stayed with her while the GF took care of the dog and paid the pizza guy. We'd ordered pizza for everyone for dinner. Mom wanted some company, not to be left alone, until Dad got home. After a little bit, I went to my cousin's to cool down and the GF went to work. I went back to my parent's after watching a movie and Mom was asleep. I asked Dad how she was and he said, "Well, she's bitching about stuff, so she's doing better." While that was a relief, I'm still freaked out about it. I've only seen my mom have the seizures where she jerks around and I've taken care of her through those. I've even come home to seeing her lying on the floor after a seizure, but this was by far the worst thing I have ever seen.

I checked on mom again last night to see how she was. She think I hit her hard enough to knock a tooth lose. I gave her a hug. She's better, but still sore and really wants me to hang out with her. I have some plans tonight but Saturday and Sunday I'm all hers, after I get my homework finished.

From flags to cameras to dancing in the street; there are just some things that shouldn’t be done.

Recently, as most people know, President Obama gave the order for the Navy Seals to eliminate Osama bin Laden. Okay, the man gave the order but he wasn’t out there putting his life on the line, nor did he pull the trigger, so really, I feel the Navy Seals should get all the credit.

Now that I’ve said my peace about that we can move on. I have heard that when American’s found out about Bin Laden’s death, there was dancing in the streets. First and foremost, I am not a fan of the Taliban or Osama bin Laden; in fact they pretty much disgust me beyond description. However, do we as Americans, want to display such low behavior as that of our enemies? Aren’t we better than that? I’m not saying its wrong for anyone to want to do that or that they don’t have the right, I just feel it’s a little vindictive and childish. Am I happy he’s dead? You bet, but I’m not going to run out in the street and dance about it. I say good riddance and go about my business.

Cameras, the joys of them are endless. You can take pictures of your friends, family, of strangers gulping down syrup at IHOP in the middle of the night, but camera’s in our school lunch rooms? Apparently in San Antonio, TX, they are wasting money that could be used to fund I don’t know say, music or the arts, science, or even school activities, on cameras in the lunch room. This is all so they can monitor exactly how many calories children are eating. Are you kidding me?! Apparently not, the cameras are said to be so precise they can identify a half eaten pear on a lunch tray. What I think these idiots who say this waste of money is a ‘good thing’ and ‘is to benefit our children’ need to realize is that, not everyone can afford to eat healthy, especially when you raise the prices on food. Some people have to get by on what they can afford and no camera monitoring what kids eat is going to change that. And what ever happened to privacy?

Lastly, a little bit on Flags. I own two, a small American flag and a small D.A.R (Daughter’s of the American Revolution) flag, and yes, I am a member of D.A.R. Being that I am a member of D.A.R, and even if I wasn’t, I strongly support the troops and Veterans. I’ve had friends who’ve fought in Afghanistan; family who have fought in other wars, so when I read an article about some jerk who burned the American flag and did $7,500 worth of damage to Louisiana State University’s historic war memorial, I got a little peeved. What I haven’t seen is the reason why this person decided to maim the memorial, not that I care much, it’s rude. Free speech or not, that was purely bad form.

As if that wasn’t enough, the vandal’s friend declared that he was going to hold a protest where he would burn the American flag because his friend was arrested. What?! Well, apparently he didn’t get to, thankfully there were enough patriots who went out and protested his protest. I saw one video where a soldier dressed in his BDUs went right up to the jerk and shouted at him “My brother died for you”! Good for that solider, I say. Too many people forget the sacrifices our troops make for us to keep us living as we do, to keep us safe. Vandalizing a memorial is a slap in the face to them, in my opinion, and burning the flag is a slap in the face to everyone who’s ever died to protect us and made this nation what it is to begin with.

Hello again, hello, just called to say hello... *facepalm* Had a very strange day.

Yes, the beginning of the title of this post are lyrics from a Neil Diamond song, why it's stuck in my head, I haven't the foggiest clue. I don't particularly like Neil Diamond but maybe that's just one more to add to the list of annoyances for the day. The reason for the explosion comes later.

Today I awoke like any other day and poked and prodded to wake up the GF. We had to go to the store for a little food and some cleaning supplies. As it turns out if I don't eat a little something in the mornings I'm rather cranky until I do. Also for some reason drinking water before I've had food in my stomach makes me nauseous. Don't know why but it does.

So, I managed to get the GF up and dressed. We had to check her bank account but our internet was down. Annoyance number one but easily worked around. We hit up a nearby ATM and found out that her check had finally posted and went to... where else Wal-Mart. Now I know a lot of people don't like Wal-Mart but I do, I can afford what they sell and come out with more than if I went anywhere else in town.

As per usual on a Saturday afternoon, there were a ton of people. Crowds generally tend to make me a little nervous and lots of people getting in my personal bubble bother me. Most annoyingly are those awkward moments when someone in front of you won't get the hell out of the way or make up their mind on what they want when all I want to do is get what I want and get out. So that was a little annoying. However, I saw I happened to see a local TV Station Journalist in the juice isle. I didn't say anything to her or acknowledge her, but it was cool seeing her in person.

Finally after getting out of the hellish store and fighting afternoon traffic in and around New Market Square, we got home, put away the groceries, and I finally got a load going in the dish washer. Then I made some snack food, something fast and simple, and conned the GF to participate in my problem solving homework. Basically I had to watch half a movie with a friend and use certain problem solving techniques to generate solutions/ideas or rather use ideas for several different endings. We watched the movie Black Swan. It is well worth the watch! I've followed Natalie Portman's movies for a couple of years now, she's one of my favorite actress's to watch, and this role was pretty awesome. She certainly took me for a ride. This movie will certainly be added to the list of movies for me to buy and add to my collection.

However, as good as the movie was and me getting my assignment done was, I got a call from my mother. Mom had a really annoying demand and I had to tell her no for today. There just wasn't any way that I could do it. I can take her another day but today was just bad timing.

So with the trip store, a growing head ache from new medication, being hassled by my mother, and knowing that I still had a house to clean, laundry to do, and more homework to be done, I got frustrated and did the one thing I hate doing, I cried. Ever just get to the point where you just need to? Well, that was me today and it annoyed me because I already had a head ache.

But my day was far from over and won't be for a good four or five hours. The best part is yet to come. As usual I go to my parent's house when the GF goes to work so I can do homework or play Guild Wars with Dad and not be home alone. My parent's set me to the store and on some errands for them. *head desk* And there were tons of people at the grocery store in their neighborhood!

I got the errands ran, ate dinner with my parent's, and talked with them for a little bit before my back started to hurt. Dad has a migraine so I doubt we will be playing Guild Wars tonight. So I came downstairs to get into a writing mood and reply to some e-mails. Mom wanted some green beans and here is where the explosion comes in. Mom and Dad's stove burner knobs are different from mine. Dad had dishes stacked up on the stove and me, just doing what I was asked, wasn't paying attention. I started cooking to green beans with a little butter and salt like Mom likes them and came in to wake up my lap top and then not one minute later... boom! Only it more like the sound of a plate hitting the floor. I thought maybe Mom's cat Felan had knocked something over. I went to investigate and found part of a plate on the floor. I looked at the stove and low and behold, I'd turned on the wrong burner, the beans weren't cooking, and there was a shattered plate all over the stove. I basically blew it up! Then my dumb-ass self went to pick up the piece on the floor and burned my fingers. Changed my mind about that quick.

Got everything cleaned up and taken care of, cooked the beans for mom, apologized to Dad for the plate, and now, I'm pretty worn out. I think I may end up watching something.

Wish I could go to an Alchemy College...

For the last couple of weeks (especially Monday of this week) I have looked very much like Col. Roy Mustang at crunch time. It isn't that I am spending my time playing and procrastinating then scrambling to get my work done as he quite often does. It was that I've had midterms and had a lot of reading and studying to do. And I've had labs every week with every class. It doesn't help matters when one of my text books, the for the class I really need, is poorly written. There are grammatical errors everywhere, it doesn't flow very well, and worst of all it is a little difficult to understand. If that wasn't bad enough the person who wrote the homework and tests, my teacher thinks, didn't read the book very well. And if that wasn't the worst of it, my teacher isn't very clear and trails off in mid-sentence quite frequently and doesn't explain things very well. Try to get him to and you might as well prepare yourself for spending the next ten minutes even more confused than the previous.

I am also none to thrilled that this teacher had the students grade the midterms because he's not very clear all the time on what the 'right' answer is as opposed to what he will accept and there is always confusion in the mix. Needless to say, I am not feeling so great about this class, where as in the other two I have A's.

We started refresher Geometry in my math/problem solving class tonight. Thankfully, I vaguely remembered enough of it to pick it up and do the in-class work. I did have to get a little help on a few problems but they were equations others had issues with and when we put our heads together, we got it all worked out.


With all this math and all the theory and learning terms and parts and programs, I found myself longing once again that I lived in the world of Fullmetal Alchemist (FMA). Or at least FMA rules applied here. Because instead of learning to repair computers, I could be dissecting transmutation circles and theories and come out a kick ass Alchemist! There are so many transmutation ideas I have personally that if only the rules in FMA applied here, I could come up with some really amazing things. I know I would certainly be in my own type of heaven.

But alas, FMA is a fantasy realm to which I am still fangirl. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to fangirl over it as much as I would like since college is a priority amongst other mundane things. I haven't really had time to read anything I would like or even to write. I have a new story idea that needs my attention as well as two RPs. I'm doing good to update facebook and reply to e-mails these days.

However, in July things should calm down a little more. The GF and I will be moving back in with my parents on account that I still haven't found a job, financial aid got eaten up by school (they do it weird), and I couldn't get any kind of assistance from the GOV. at all. No food stamps, no cash assistance, and nothing for health. No, the good old GOV that wants us all on welfare denied me any kind of help because, and get this, I am 'pursuing higher education'. I'm a full time student and went back to school because I couldn't find a job. Seems to me, just like with employers, a giant, lame assed cop out.
Well, at least if I am at my parents house again, I will be closer to help them out as I've needed to do.

Take a personality test? I really rather not...

Last night I had to take some personality tests in my Strategies class. I was not looking forward to them, I figured I didn't need a test to tell me that I am a grumpy, paranoid-hider, and there was that dreaded word 'test' that put me off as well. But I have a 100% in the class and skipping a class because I don't want to do something just isn't in my programing, so I went and took the damned tests.

It wasn't so bad, I learned some new things about myself, and was actually fascinated enough to take a few more when I got home from class.

My results were that I am:
Introvert- someone who likes to spend time alone. Meaning that big social gatherings can actually wear me out.

Sensing- someone who gathers information through their five senses, like concrete facts and details, have a great deal of common sense.

Feeler- someone who makes decisions based on what they feel is right and just, they are people pleasers, like to have harmony and value other’s opinions and feelings. This is me to a T! Seriously. Let me tell you something, sometimes it is exhausting. Also, just because I am feeler doesn't mean I'm going to let you walk all over me.

Judger- someone who is very orderly, must have a great deal of structure, good at setting goals, a person who seldom plays before they work. I grew up with the saying "First we work and then we play, it's always much more fun that way," and that's the truth.

At the end of that test they defined me as a Conservator: Someone who desires to be of service and minister to individual needs, very loyal. Interesting fact, Conservators only make up 13.8% of the population, but what population I'm sure as to what they are referring, the USA, those that took the test, or world population.

I also learned that I am a Verbal, Linguistic person meaning that I "Communicate well through language, likes to write, is good at spelling, great at telling stories, loves to read books". Well that was spot on!

But I also have these learning styles: Sensing, Visual, Reflective, and Sequential. That makes a lot of sense since I like everything to be step by step in the right order and hate jumping around, most of all in my writing- in that I am very linear.

I am also very much reflective, I may not answer someone right away because I am thinking. It's not because I am slow, it's because I really like to think about it. For instance, the night we had Fish bowl at 1740, I had a very difficult time because I needed to break away and think about the things we were talking about rather than pop out an answer and fumble and 'ramble".

Visual, we get the picture, I like pictures and remember pictures better, which is why I can remember people and what they were wearing. Which, in turn, brings me to sensing, and that's where I use all five senses to gather information.


I am Left Brain Dominate, meaning that I am more literal, orderly, and to the point. And good at understanding directions and anything that is explicit and logical. Also, I apparently can have trouble comprehending emotions and abstract concepts, feel lost when things are not clear, and doubt anything that isn't stated and proven. (I sound like a Vulcan in this respect)

So, I suppose this is where I would say, if I don't talk much or seem standoff-ish sometimes, it's not because I don't like you or don't want to participate in conversation or activities, it's because I am all of the above. I wonder if being an only child has any impact on any of that... Must go research.

They said: "Blah blah blah" & Going back to college apparently.

So, had my appointment with ITT Tech today. It was a really nice meeting, got a lot of questions answered, pretty much narrowed down what area of study I am going for, and will be going back tomorrow for an appointment with financial aid. That's mostly the scary part. Grants and a possible scholarship okay, but student loans... Ehh *cringe* I really hate the thought of loans because with loans there is interest and payments and being in debit and lets face it, I'm already in debit and not really looking forward to anymore.

But I took my information to my parents house and talked to them. Called my Grandma and talked to her and told my Cousin Shi-chan about it. With Their support and the support of my GF, I was feeling pretty good and like I might be able to do this school thing again. Frankly, getting a degree that's not in English or Creative writing scares me because writing has been my unfaltering, unwavering dream since I was 13. This degree, the one I am enrolling in, is Computer and Electronics Engineering Technology. Basically I would be fixing computers and electronics. But I think even if I get through school and start working, in the mean time I can still write and even after that I can still write. It's not like I want to be some big famous author, but I would like to make the best sellers list at least once. And really, to be quite honest, I would just like to have a couple of books published. I've never written for fame but for myself and for people to enjoy my stories.

BUT...

The GF called her brother to update him. Now we had previously cut of her brother and his wife due to some really horrible things they had said and done to the GF's parents. That aside we are apparently on talking and friendly terms with them. Well, GF's brother had to go and rain on the little "finally something positive and moving forward" parade. Apparently his online school is better where as mine where I get to actually have hands on experience sucks. But then again he's been trying to get his degree in the same field for over 10 years and I can basically do it at ITT Tech in two years at the most.

And then there is the fact that we are apparently going to the Zoo with them on Saturday. I kind of want to but I kind of don't. Supposedly things have changed with the Gf's brother and his wife, supposedly things are better, supposedly this and supposedly that but then everyone told me the wife was better before I saw her again and it was worse. She was one of my best friends and then shit hit the fan within the family and it was like I was looking at a different person. It was like walking on egg shells and glass, one wrong word spoken, one wrong move and there was hell to pay. I'm really not looking to welcoming that kind of stress back into my life but then again, what if this time it really is different and things really have changed for the better? Still, I'm nervous and don't want things to be a competition again. I don't like competing against people in that "who's got what that's better or does what that's better" and what not.

*sigh* Well, I suppose I should decide if I want to play some Guild Wars or watch a movie for the next few hours then hit the hay.