Monday, August 22, 2016

My fox has all the best treats, lighting a candle for Grandma, and adulting

Had to gank a picture from someone else because my phone is dying and I'm not sure where my camera was put. Anyway, this is what my lovely fox cookie jar looks like. He's currently filled with fall candy- Kit Kats and an assorted mix of mini Hersey's bars. The hope is that we know where it is, but it is out of sight and therefore we won't investigate it as much... that's the hope, doesn't always turn out like that.  

Today, has been a little busy. I took Amanda to work and we stopped by Starbucks- mostly in effort to quell my bubbling road rage. Seriously, I was pissed! There is construction all over and there are three places where even on the highway, it seem there is a bottle neck that slows everything down. When I tried to take my exit, some jack ass just had to speed and zoomed up. Had I not checked my side mirror, we would have been in an accident, especially with how fast he was going. I thought, maybe I hadn't looked enough before trying to take the exit, but after seeing his erratic and dangerous swerving and speeding off the high way, well, I knew it wasn't me. My issues with road rage aren't that I am aggressive in driving at other people. My issue is that I yell at people and growl. I even sometimes flip people off or shake my fist like an old man. 

After Amanda was safely deposited at work, I came home to do my hair and make up for the day. I've been trying to make that effort because sometime it makes me feel better. Then I went to my therapy appointment where a little girl in the waiting room reacted to my make up and hair color, and wanted to know how I did it. I entertained her for a little bit, at least until she lost interest in me, and started fighting with her sister over books. 

I'm at the point where I just want to finish cleaning up the kitchen. I have to cook dinner and clean up after that, of course, but I also just want to clear off the table, sweep and mop the floors and be done with it. But I also want to paint something. I've had the urge since last night and yet at the same time, I just want to lay down and take a nap. Naps are nice, really nice and I am so tired of sitting on the sofa at night and crashing out. It makes watching movies kind of hard.

This weekend I got an e-mail from my Dad. He was at the hospital with my Grandma Evelyn. She'd been throwing up and almost passed out. At the time  he could only report that her potassium levels were very low and that her blood pressure was almost non-existent. Since I had spoken with her only the day before, my mind went to the worst thought imaginable, which was that she was going to die. Because that's what happened with my favorite Uncle. So, I was a bit terrified and called my Dad. Grandma was still alive but not doing very well. To make a long story shorter, Grandma has GERD and some other things going on that I can't spell, she is also almost 90 years old. She can only eat bland food and only certain foods and something didn't sit well with her. It took a day of being in the hospital and drinking water and eating ice chips before she could actually eat again, and only the blandest of things. She's home now, but really sore and not feeling so well. I spoke with her and was much relieved to know she was home and at least feeling a little better.

I decided that while my Grandma, a very devout Christian who doesn't know that I am pagan, might not appreciate a pagan prayer, I was going to do so anyway. I focused on a white candle, because for me white is purity and healing, and said a prayer. I set her and Grandpa's picture up on my altar and lit the candle last night, allowing it to burn almost to the base. I'll light it again tonight to let it finish burning down. It's really the thought that counts and it is one of the few things I can do from where I am.  It's so strange, I keep telling myself that I am ready for when they leave this life, but I'm really not.   

1 comment:

  1. Thoughts of healing being sent to your Grandma. I hope your painting muse came out to play.