Thursday, August 25, 2016

Restless dreams, the mermaid, and the nap.

I awoke early this morning feeling simply awful. I imagine I feel like the little girl in Spirited Away when she runs down the stairs at full speed and slams into a stone wall. I had a migraine too, but I think I caught it early enough that the medicine I took is helping. So, I will be able to take a nap in just a little bit, to kind of take the edge off how exhausted I am. It's so weird to say that I am exhausted and its not quite 8 am yet. Some days are just full of suck. To add to that, I had shitty, upsetting dreams highlighting the crap I learned yesterday from a friend. Not only was that not a good conversation, but trying to keep myself calm while on the phone with said friend was a bit difficult. Trying to keep it reigned in afterward was a bit difficult as well.

To distract myself from how awful I feel, I got on facebook to just putter around. That was a mistake. Not only was I reminded of something going on between two really good friends of mine, but I saw that Italy had a big earthquake. We don't have cable or even local channels and despite Amanda working at the newspaper, we don't have a subscription. I also don't go to news sites because well, I have depression and reading or watching the news just makes said depression worse. Ignorance isn't bliss, but sometimes it is necessary to help the healing process for a bit.  Anyway, I saw something else which infuriated me. Apparently, the lovely folks of my state have deemed it okay to kill an endangered pack of wolves because they are eating cows. Okay, I get it, a farmer loses revenue when a wolf eats a cow, but killing the wolves is not going really going to help. When you remove a predator from the area, other creatures normally kept in check are allowed to flourish and they can cause more of a problem in the long run- you know like potentially eating all the resources your cows eat. More than that, if we start saying it is okay to kill an endangered species for this reason, then that just opens up the door to kill more endangered species for what ever reason we deem fit. 

Of course, 9 times out of 10, I will take an animals side over a humans. But I like animals a lot better than I like people. Even possums, which I think are soulless and kind of freak me out, but that's a different story for a different day.  

I like mermaids too, hence the picture above, but that is also to because I am trying to soothe myself and bring a sense of calm to myself this morning before I make the gamut of phone calls I need to make. I want to talk to my Mom or my Dad, check on my Grandma, call Felicia back from yesterday, check on a friend, and talk to the doctors office. Thankfully, not all of those have to be long drawn out conversations. 

Other than that, I feel a little disjointed and not all together. There's a sense of being pulled in several different directions all at once, all these directions demand my attention. They are things I feel called to do, things I want to do, and things I need to do. Its very frustrating. But it is what it is and I will figure it out. After breakfast and after a nap. I think I am finally tried enough now to really get some sleep.

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