Saturday, August 27, 2016

Cycles, Sad kitty, and tomorrows work

 In light of some things that are going on in my world right now, I've decided that I need a little pick me up. Tomorrow, Amanda and I are going to finally tackle the stuff in the Bowie room and dig out the Fall/Halloween decorations a few days early. Decorating the house will help me feel better because decorating but also decorating for my favorite time of the year just does it for me. 

Narcisa is a little nuts tonight. It's our fault. We have been in and out of the house a lot and she's not sure what's going on. I'm going give her extra attention and cuddles so she knows things are okay. Sometimes I worry that she thinks we are going to leave and not return, which makes me really sad. 

Life has cycles and I am very comfortable and welcoming of this concept and reality of nature. The progression through the seasons is fascinating to me. There was this video floating about the internet where you could seen the change in seasons from space and it seemed almost as if the very earth was breathing, and it was beautiful. However, eventually all the breaths of life fade. 

I keep telling myself that I am ready, I am prepared, for the time when the cycle of life comes to a close for my Grandparents. They've been second parents, teachers, friends, and had a hand in raising me. I think in some ways, I am already mourning their passing before it happens. My Dad asked me if we could do a Skype call last night because Grandpa has been having some really bad days and was talking about how much he misses me. So of course, I left my friend's house and hurried home to get online to talk to him. Conversations with Grandpa are growing more and more difficult because of his Alzheimer's disease, and as natural as I try to keep the conversation, I can tell he struggles. I also talked with my Grandma yesterday. She is home now. Thank you to everyone who sent healing energy and thoughts. She is doing much better and is well enough to give me looks of disapproval when I happen to get a little too "crude" for her liking. I said the word "poop". I live with Amanda, poop is bound to enter a conversation at some point. Of course Grandma doesn't know this because I've always made Amanda be on her best behavior when around my Grandparents (almost at times on pain of death).

Grandparents aside, I talked to my Dad for a minute or two while on Skype, and I could tell he's not doing well. I got the sense that he's really nervous, sad, and maybe even a bit scared. Which scares the hell out of me. 

While I have that emotional tug and flux happening, I got a phone call from my pseudo brother the other night and it shocked the hell out of me. I've known him since high school but apparently not well enough. He not only cheated on his fiance, he had another relationship on the side with another woman. There were so many lies told. Now, I had spoken with his fiance a month prior and she detailed how awful he'd been treating her. But it is so much worse than that and knowing the how and the why makes me physically sick. The things he did and said to his fiance are just awful, that level of emotional abuse- I just can't- I'm having trouble processing it. And then he said he is a sex addict and was crying on the phone to me. I think it was an excuse. It is so bad that his fiance isn't even sure what she should do. I told her, if she needed to, she could come live with us. And really, I truly think she should. 

If that wasn't bad enough, I learned that Amanda's youngest nephew is having horrible problems in school. This is more than mere bullying. I don't want to say what but it is shocking and I'm having a lot of trouble processing that too. Honestly, even though I am not close with this kid, I just want to hug him and keep him away from the other kids. While I don't like his mother for various reasons, I will say that while she's a crappy person in a lot of respects, she is a lioness when it comes to her children and she is raising some serious hell. 

Anyway, things have been pretty rough emotionally the last several days. I did get a little bit of a break when some friends came for dinner and to sit in the hot tub. I didn't get in, but I went along. the Twins are up to go to Silverwood and decided to crash at our place. So, yeah, tomorrow I'll be doing some house cleaning, going through some stuff, and breaking out the Fall/ Halloween decor to hopefully take my mind of some of this stuff. Because while I know there are cycles of good and bad times in life too, this particular cycle is made of suck and needs pretty things to make it less so.

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