A personal moment of fright.

As anyone who follows this blog might have guessed I suffer from sever depression and social phobias. I have panic attacks too and the scary thing is that they are getting worse. I have breathing exercises (I'm not kidding) that I was instructed to do when these sort of attacks occur and sometimes they help, most of the time they don't and while the worst of a panic attack might be over, there is this lingering or residual right pain within me that takes forever to shake.

Today I had once such attack while out with my girlfriend for a lunch date. We were just talking about some plans and I had a knife in my hand and for a good moment I just wanted to cut my arm. My girlfriend saw and took the knife away from me quickly. I'm not trying to scare anyone in writing about this but it is very clear that I am in need of more help than I am currently receiving. Thankfully, I see my med doctor tomorrow and will be telling her of this and the panic attack I just had in the car just thinking about today. Forget others, I'm terrifying myself. And I swear if that bitch rolls her eyes at me again, I scream her head off. I may not be as fucked up as the people she's used to dealing with but giving me the brush off when I am asking and paying her for help is unacceptable.