Becoming an Aunt, new noises, getting ready for Yule and Christmas

Narcisa and I are getting used to new noises in our new home, specifically the washer and dryer. It's becoming apparent that I need to put in a work order for the washer. It squeaks and rattles something awful when it hits any kind of spin cycle. 

To go with the laundry sounds, the maintenance men have been stomping and banging around upstairs for the last couple of days. Either the people above us were evicted or they abandoned their apartment because maintenance were throwing beds and chairs over the balcony and moving furniture out the other day. Yesterday I don't know what they were doing in the kitchen but they dropped something heavy and big, right above my head when I was cooking. It scared the crap out of me and out of my friend Birdy, who was visiting. 

On the subject of cooking, I screwed up my bierocks dough yesterday. I was trying to make two meals at once and didn't catch all the directions. Typically I make the dough out of Bisquick and just add a little sugar but I wanted to see if I could find something "authentic" per se. Rather, I wanted my Grandmother's recipe but she can't find it and is heading for Texas. Needless to say, my dough didn't rise. The filling is done and tastes good, might need an extra onion though. 

The other meal I made was a chicken stir fry with lots of veggies. I told Amanda last night that I'm not really worrying about any kind of weight loss at the moment, I'm getting though the holidays and then we need to take advantage of the little gym and indoor swimming pool here at our apartment complex. She suggested that we take the bus into downtown Spokane and walk around the park. There are plenty of benches for when I need to sit for a moment. I just have to be really careful with that because I tend to push myself and a lot of times overdo it, which is kind of counter productive. 

My previous next door neighbor Felicia deemed Amanda and I designated Aunts to children (which is awesome because I totally love those kids). So, we were invited to her eldest boy's Christmas concert. He was such a goofball and so adorable.

He's the one on the left in overalls and a red shirt. He did the actions to the songs they sang and kind of stood apart from his class mates. 

Things in the apartment are coming together more and more every day. I get a week off from school work so I will have more time to do things around the house. I might just take a day to sleep. I have been so exhausted lately. We put Christmas lights up in the kitchen last night. The blue ones over the cabinets are staying all year round because I love the blue glow. Amanda is going to saw up some wood we collected last week end and I am going to see if she will help me put up some decorations outside this weekend... when we have a moment. We are doing our Yule celebration with the IEPG this weekend. Friday, I will probably be cooking treats all day. Amanda will be making hers on Saturday morning. We've sort of become really busy people, it's nice in a way but I think things will calm down when we get everything unpacked and put away. 

Well, it's off to homework land for me.

It's starting to feel like home...

This is our Yule/Christmas tree. Yes, that is technically a Halloween tree (a friend gave it to us last year) but our Yule/Christmas tree hadn't made it over yet and I kind of missed out on a lot of Halloween this year. Plus, purple lights! anyway, I also decided that while we are unpacking, I might as well decorate for Yule/Christmas so I don't have to do it later. So far, so good, I think. Although, I don't really have suitable pictures of the rest of the house yet. The camera on my phone is crappy and I just haven't had the time or energy to find my Nikon and take proper pictures (sorry about the poor picture quality here). I will this week.

The move went pretty well. I think only one thing got broken and it was small. We had some help, which was much appreciated. However, it is taking forever to unpack because Amanda works full time and I have been doing homework. We have also had to run back to Amanda's parents house and go to the family Christmas party. We've done some shopping, went out to find fire wood, run errands, and had company. And to top it all off, I have been having computer problems. So I am going to try and break things down in a short list and explanations because I have lots to do today.

1. Windows 10 and my computer hate each other. After upgrading to Windows 10 for free, at the recommendation of a friend, my computer began to rage war. Display drivers crashed repeatedly and I got the blue screen of death several times. Also, I could sit right in front of the wireless router and have no internet. Apparently this is a problem for Toshiba and Windows 10 because it's on their website. One of my friends came over to downgrade me back to Windows 8.1. But then we had to download drivers, I had to reinstall Microsoft office only for some reason our product key didn't want to work, so I spent an hour and half on the phone with a nice lady who I couldn't totally understand. We had to link my computer to hers so she could do things on mine. Then here were the updates and oh yes, I had to go and turn the program off that looks for updates for me because it was eating up all the CPU and I couldn't do anything. Now, it's fixed. I think. But this computer is weird and Amanda is going to get me a new one for my birthday. So I just have to keep this one running until March. 

2. We have lots of books. We have 4 of the tall, 5 shelf bookcases full of books. Well the bottom row on at least three of those bookcases has Amanda's vinyl records on them. We keep finding boxes that have books in them so Amanda thinks we are going to need at least two more bookcases. It was so funny because when we were getting some things we needed for the apartment, I told her we were going to need at least 4 bookcases. She didn't want to believe me. We were going to have the second bedroom be an office, but Amanda thinks at this point, it's just going to have to be a craft/ library. I'm okay with that. 

3. We have had lots of company. Our friend Chris comes over at least once or twice a week, which is great because she is one of our most low maintenance friends.  She's very calm, very laid back and all around good company. Birdy and Dram live a couple of block away and have been coming over almost every day to help me unpack or help with my computer. Sometimes not a lot of unpacking gets done because I have just been so exhausted, but Birdy built two of my bookcases, the tv stand, and fixed my computer. She has also helped me out when I have had to do some homework by making me tea or coffee. She is going to come over today at some point too.  

We also had the twins come up for an over night stay. I think it was too soon. I was ready for them to leave when they left to have lunch with their grandmother. They came back after that, which really was fine. I just don't think we were ready to have over night company yet. 

4. Showers and cats go hand in hand for me now. Firstly, Narcisa loves to play in the bath tub, specifically she likes to attack the shower curtain liner and leave little paw prints all over the tub. Secondly, she likes to watch me show, as in sit on the side of the tub and stare. We had a kitty who did that some years ago, so this isn't a new thing, what is new, is that she thinks she wants to jump in with me while I am showering. Um no. I am already having a hard time taking showers as is. I actually had to take part of a nerve pill to take my first shower in this apartment. I have a thing with new bathtubs, it's like I have to get used to them before I am truly comfortable with them. Also, there is the slipping factor, the fact that I used to get burned every time I took a shower because someone would flush a toilet or turn on water somewhere else in the house, and a few other things. Amanda thinks it also has to do with my back. Either way it sucks and I need to get over it fast. 

5. I have been so tried lately. All the movement is good for me and I have enjoyed unpacking, moving stuff around and getting out to explore my new surroundings. But it is taking its toll. I am still dealing with PCOS, my fibromyalgia is flaring up- today I am hurting pretty badly, and my back is giving me grief. Something new has come about as well. My friend Chris thinks it is just my tendonitis but I have never had it hurt in my hand before. While tendonitius might be the case for my writs, I think I actually strained something in my hand. It happened in the move and I think I aggravate it when I get up from chairs. Even doing simple things seems to bother it. It is better, but it was cause for concern earlier in the week.

6. Family. My Dad's leg is doing better, apparently. I still think it looks awful. It's still hurting him terribly, but he's working and sounds kind of upbeat on the phone. 

I just got off the phone with my Mother and my cousin Shi-chan. I have been so excited and happy for my cousin Shi-chan, she has this amazing boyfriend, who is a friend of mine from  high school. Anyway, they are happy together and apparently he moved in with them. Most people who have been following me for awhile know how vicious my aunt can be. Apparently she was up to her usual shit of tearing into Shi-chan (you know emotional abuse) and Shi-chan's boyfriend stood up for her. Oh but my bitch of an anut just can't have that. She needs complete control over Shi-chan. so now she's calling everyone trying to find out the guy's last name so she can get a restraining order on him. she wants him out of her house now!  She wants to get a restraining order on her daughter boyfriend because he stood up for the daughter she was abusing... Yeah... fucking bitch!

My Grandparents seem to be doing well. They are taking their yearly snowbird trip to Texas. So far so good! Hopefully they have a nice, easy time, and have fun. Last year Grandma fell and hurt herself. I insist to the universe at large, that there will be none of that this year.

7. Finally, last night was a good night. I made Cavatini for dinner and then we played Start Wars Monopoly until midnight. That's late for us these days, really late. We didn't even finish the game, but I was kind of starting to fall asleep, so we had to call it quits. It was a lot of fun!

  

A Quick Announcement!!!

In these past weeks I haven't really been in the internet. I haven't really been on the computer either- more like avoiding it because I was frankly too tired. Well, I'm here to say that's not going to get in better for the next few weeks because we finally got a move-in date for our apartment!!!

December 1st at 10 am, we do the walk through and paper signing. From there we'll be picking up a Uhaul and spending the day moving our stuff. We won't have internet for a couple of weeks, which sucks because my next term starts up on November 30th, but I have a couple of places I can go to do homework. Of course, I am going to try to get my teachers to open the modules early for me, so I can get a good deal of the homework finished before life becomes chaos. Especially since we are having Amanda's family Christmas party this weekend. Because everything has to happen all at once, during the same week.

Anyway, just wanted to let everyone know what's going on. As soon as we get moved in, unpacked, and situated, I will take some pictures.  

Spacing out, back and forth, nothing done...

I realized today that I haven't really been on the computer in the last week. We've been going back and forth from our friend's house in Spokane and Amanda's parents house in Post Falls, living a couple of days here or there. It's kind of taking a toll on me. I don't know where a lot of our stuff is, what we have and don't have, and its kind of a mess. I will say that staying with our friends in Spokane has been so nice. They gave us a room and we have our own bathroom, sort of, the washer and dryer is in it so periodically someone comes down to do laundry, but I really don't mind. It's quiet here and for most of the day, I am alone and can do what I want. I've mostly watched movies on Netflix. So nothing truly productive. 

We have gone shopping and had some IEPG stuff. I've had some rather terrible side effects from a depression medication my doctor wanted me to try. I'm no longer on that medication and have been put back on one that works pretty well, but is expensive. I have to get it from a pharmacy in CDA because they are the only ones with a medication assistance program. Lovely. I suppose I am going through an adjustment period. Mostly, I just don't have the drive or energy to do anything. Sitting and zoning out seems to happen more often than naught. I feel like half the time I'm not following people. Then there is the fact that I really am having some trouble with my eyes lately. I can't see as far and I don't know if that was a progression thing or if the bad depression medication I was on made it worse. Either way, it sucks. Am I even making sense? I think I need a nap... Not going to take one though. 

I have been spending some time online looking at pretty stuff. I have decided that I am going to do vintage mermaid in my bathroom, with soft blues and teals. Probably some sea-foam green towels, if I can find what I want.

I am not sure what the kitchen will be like yet but it will have blues and greens. I'm really feeling blue and green lately. 

The living room with be a mix of Gothic, Pagan, and Fantasy, probably with some Asian influences mixed in. I have a lot of Asian decor that I don't want to get rid of but I am not sure where to put. Anyway, I am going neutral and gray in this room because I can throw in some color accents when the seasons change and flip pictures or posters around in the frames as well to suit my mood. 

Amanda has the spare bedroom and she's doing something neat with it. 

As for the bedroom, I still very much like Gothic as a theme but that's probably where I will have my Asian decor. In which case, I will probably integrate Gothic and Asian to suit. I just don't know what I am going to do with all of my Indian decor- not that I have that much... Maybe I can integrate it into the bedroom as well. 

Anyway, I've pretty much wasted time doing nothing useful, but without a place of my own and constantly being in limbo... yeah, not much I can do to help that. Its really messing with me and I'm hoping that I at least hear about a move in date soon.  

Snow White looks better with long hair, apartment news

Once again my crappy immune system wins again. I have caught something, probably a stomach bug. So I have spent the last couple of days drinking tea and resting. While resting I've watched the rest of Hemlock Grove, a couple of episodes of Marco Polo, and this morning I am watching Once Upon a Time season 2 with my friend's daughter and her friend before they head out for school. This is the friend who Amanda and I are staying with in Spokane.  I have come to the conclusion that I like Snow White/Mary Margaret better with long hair. 

Good news! I heard back from the apartment people. Amanda and I have both been approved for the apartment. We have a few more things we need to give them and then as soon as the woman in the apartment moves out and the apartment people get in to clean it, we can move in. That probably won't be for a couple more weeks though, which is kind of starting to wear on me. I keep telling myself, I've waited for 3 years for a home of my own, what's a few more weeks? Well, I think it mostly has to do with the fact that I will end up moving right at the beginning of my next term of school, which really sucks. I mean really sucks. I will be taking cultural anthropology and formal logic. *Sigh* I am expecting lots of homework. 

I had an interesting thought last night. I've died a couple of times and been reborn (metaphorically speaking- I haven't actually died). Now I know that sounds crazy but hear me out. I am not the same person I was in high school. In high school I was very head strong, a bit too fearless, and had an idea of where I was going and what my life would be like. That girl, while there are some remnants of her, died somewhere before she turned twenty. Overwhelming depression, anxiety, several deaths of family members too close together, and going to a college that didn't fit made everything explode. That girl moved back home and found a job and went back to school. But there was a period wherein that girl floundered and just kind of existed. 

A couple of years of this "existing" went on and I was reborn. Things were better, I knew what I was doing, where I was going, knew who and what I was and so on. Things were fine up until a couple of years ago when I died again (this is the time where I had a mental or nervous break down the first time). This time the existing was much worse. More of myself was lost and instead of truly being reborn, I died again a couple more times. 

I think in all this metaphorical dying it was me trying to slough off all the undesirable things. Or maybe it wasn't. Either way, I was thinking about the person I used to be. I used to be stronger. I used to be fearless. I used to be this or that. The point is, I "used" to be. That person is no longer. I have to look at the person I am now. The person I am now isn't as strong as the person I was but I am stronger than the person I was two years ago. I am relearning who and what I am but the most important thing is that I am growing. I am learning new things, pushing myself to do thing when I don't really have the energy, and trying to live a little or as best I can with the ailments I've got. 

I suspect that once we are moved and settled, after about a year or so the person I am now won't exist any more. I mean I will still be me and parts of me will be here but I am hoping that the someday-new-me will be stronger, better adjusted, and will have learned more things and will have grown more. 

Any way that was just a rambled idea or theory, probably doesn't make much sense. You can ignore it if you like. I am going to drink some tea, watching another episode of Marco Polo before I have to catch a bus. You have to pay for parking -if you can find it- downtown and there are no guarantees that it will be close to where you want to go. So it is just easier to take a bus to the plaza. I will get some walking done today, ride a Spokane bus for the first time, and meet Amanda for lunch at a little coffee shop.  

  

Waiting for approval and I think my doctor might be one of those doctors...

We have been busy this last week. Very busy. 

Amanda's mom pretty much moved us out of our bedroom herself. I didn't put up a fight because I felt like crap and had lots of other things I had to do. Like homework. I was also experiencing some rather unpleasant side affects from a new medication my doctor prescribed me but I will get back to that in a few.

First. We have been looking at apartments and got our applications into Valley 206- the apartment we've been dreaming about moving into. Well, Amanda got her approval letter and now I am waiting on mine. I hate waiting for approval. It doesn't make me happy and makes me really uncomfortable and second guess everything. Not that I should have to second guess anything. I should be just fine. 

Second. I am going to try and do Nation Novel Writer's Month again. We're not totally living with Amanda's parents at the moment and I managed to get finish up this term's homework a little early. So I have some time to actually write and the quiet, relaxed atmosphere in which to do it. Of course I am getting a 9 day late start but I am sure I can play catch up just fine. At least I hope. 

Okay on to my doctor. She put me on a new anti depressant. This isn't the first time she's done this. The first time the medication she put me on made me manic. This time, the side affects are so painful and upsetting that I can't handle them. I only two one pill and had two nights and day of colossal headaches- I mean so terrible that I just laid there and seriously considered making Amanda take me to the ER. It takes a lot of pain for me to get to that point. On top of that, the medicine made me want to vomit, made me jittery as hell, and oh yeah did I mention that it make me talk too fast? When I told my Mom about it and then told her that some possible side affect I could get were limb jumping and glaucoma, she told me to get off the meds asap! So I called my doctor and told her that the medicine was making me sick, listed my symptoms. She told me to keep taking it for three more days. Uh, no! I don't think so. I know it is a new medication but I am not a guinea pig. 

So, tomorrow, I am going to call my doctor again and ask to be put back on what I was on and maybe tweak the dose. At least that medication is affordable and I know how it reacts with me.

Amanda and I finally had a date night. We went to Ross and looked around the store and then we went to dinner. It was really nice. We haven't been ale to really been able to spend one on one time together in awhile. 

Oh, I'm trying to quit smoking again. I'm on day two and so far so good. 

Other than that, I have a whole week of writing, waiting, research for some classes I am going to teach for the IEPG, and just general relaxing.  I am still a bit scatter brained to really write much else. 

Hair, Halloween, shopping with friends and oh look, I got another Raccoon

BAM! There it is. I chopped a good 6 or 7 inches off my hair, and got it layered. Then I bleached it again and did three colors in big chunks. I chose Sky Blue, Aqua, and Fuchsia from Ion. I love the colors. The hair is a bit short but when its curled, its really cute. 

We had Halloween at our friend's house. They threw a Halloween/ Welcome to Spokane party. We ate junk food. I mean that's what it is. Pizza, chips, soda, candy. Okay, I had olives and grapes and carrots too, but most it was junk food and I loved every minute of it. I also got to talk to some people I hardly get the chance to talk to. Our hostess friend dyed Amanda's hair with Henna so now it's a really pretty copper-red. 

I didn't really have a lot of time to figure out what I was going to be for Halloween. So I pulled something out of my ass a few days before and decided that I was going to be a Galactic Cat. Yes, I made that up. I basically put on a nice black dress, found some really big cat ears and  did my make up like this...

I think it turned out pretty well and no, my camera isn't doing the colors justice. 

Today, November 1st, I picked up Amanda from work, picked up some friends, and we went shopping. First up was the Goodwill Outlet. Its basically a store where everything that can't get sold from the Goodwill stores is shipped and and put in bins. People go through it and can buy some things by the pound and some things super cheap. I found a couple of books, a Wok, and Amanda found a build a bear dog stuffed animal that was in amazing condition, and a panda wallet. What we learned is that the place is far too busy for us, that it is a place that's more suited for people who have ebay stores to get things to build their lots to sell, and that one of our friends who has that kind of business, is far more patient and able to deal with that than we are. I got overwhelmed pretty quickly. 

Second up on our little shopping trip was to find some place to eat lunch. We went to a hamburger joint called Zips. They had battered-deep fried mushrooms. OMG! I haven't had those in so long! There is a reason too, I would eat them every day if I could. Anyway, we spent some time talking, which was really great. 

After that, we went to the Barnes and Noble bookstore in the mall. Of course I found a ton of books that I wanted to read but what I left with was this little one...

Its a stuffed animal raccoon and it called to me. Did I need it? No. Should I have gotten it? Probably not, but it called to me. I have decided if its a boy or girl or really what the name is but when I looked at it, I thought "Matcha", like matcha green tea. Not sure why, but I don't care. It is cute, it is soft, and you'd better believe that I am cuddling it in bed tonight, which for me is in just a few minutes. My Mom would be so annoyed. Oh, speaking of raccoons and my Mom. I grabbed the ones of my collection that got left down in Kansas when we moved. I also snagged the Smokey the Bear that my Aunt Joan gave me when I was little and a couple of cat stuffed animals. Which, of course, forced me to check a bag. My Mom was pleased that I was taking home some things and loaded me up with some jewelry and semi-precious gem stones. She hasn't been able to make jewelry for money and physical reasons and she wanted to share with me since I do make some things from time to time. And no, I don't have cause for concern, my Mom often gives jewelry away, she's done that all my life. 

Anyway, I'm off to bed you've been caught up on things going on for me lately. The good, the bad, and the crazy. Besides, I'm exhausted, in pain, and Amanda's snores sound awful, so I need to get her to move.   

  

  

Chaos, panic, and I'm starting to catch up, really...

Hi, no, I'm not dead. 

I never really got a lot done for my Mom. I tried. Mostly, I think me just being there helped and she and I had a lot of fun watching TV shows and movies. I even took her to see The Martian. Which, by the way, I really liked.

I think I mentioned that my Dad's ankles are badly bruised from just walking at his job. He said that he thinks he basically walks about 15 miles every day that he works around that store. He works at one of the big Wal-Mart's. So, he was in a lot of pain. But, he showed me EVE online and I got to see his ships and listen to him talk about the game. I think he might want me to play it, but I can't afford it and at the moment, it's far too involved and complex for me to ever get any writing or homework done. I think he misses our old Guild Wars gaming sessions as much as I do. 

I spent some time with my cousin Shi-Chan. I really missed her and she's lost a lot of weight and has kind of grown a back bone. I said to her one day, "I left and you became all bad ass, I love it!" She just laughed. 

I spent some time with my Grandparents. Grandpa's Alzheimer's disease is getting worse, but we all knew it would. Grandma might kill him for all the cussing, farting, and burping. I even told him so and he laughed. But I got to hear some stories about his life that I have never heard before and while I didn't get to talk to Grandma too too much, I did get hugs and her cooking. They have an albino squirrel who comes to visit their bird feeders and I got to see it. I love it!

Eventually, I had to come home. Which I did. The day I came home, I learned from my next door neighbor that I was moving to Spokane and into a friend's basement. You can imagine my shock and surprise. One, I didn't hear about it from Amanda and two, even though I really like these friends, I had just gotten home. On top of that Amanda's Mom informed me that we're going to pack up Amanda's and my bedroom, put most of our stuff in the garage, and move our bed out into the dining room. WOW! I started to panic! I had homework to do, I hadn't even unpacked. 

So, two days later while I was trying to process all of this and we were at the UU Church getting ready for our Samhain celebration/potluck/ritual, and I got a phone call from my Mom to tell me that not only was my Dad in the hospital but might lose he leg, I had a tiny break down/ panic attack. I mean full on sweating, couldn't breathe, couldn't calm down. I somehow managed to grab my purse and book it to the bathroom where Amanda found me, and once she got me calmed down a little, we went outside. That day was really hard and I didn't even worry about socializing I just did what I needed and talked to as few people as possible, carrying on like nothing was wrong. 

So, why was Dad in the hospital? Because while I was visiting, he trip or did something to scrape his leg on the wheel barrel while hauling wood from his truck to Grandma's back yard and somewhere along the way, despite doctoring his wound, he picked up staph infection and the flesh turned necrotic. Right now, it still looks bad and he hasn't been given the "you are going to be okay you can go back to work" vote from the doctors, but he is home and out of the hospital. He goes to a specialized wound care clinic every couple of days.

But, the very next day from the "your Dad is in the hospital" call, I talked to my Grandma and she told me she was in the grocery store and turned around just so and heard a crack and had terrible pain in her side. She thought she broke a rib. Give that this woman is in her late 80s, has scoliosis and osteoporosis on time of that, I certainly didn't doubt it. Thankfully, when she went to the doctor her xrays came back negative for a broken bone, but she did pull something and maybe her back popped at the same time. 

Now even worse, Amanda's poor Dad has managed to get himself into a bind. He is diabetic and he has very thin skin, especially on his legs and somehow he scraped them up and has the same issue as my Dad but not nearly as bad. 

And on top of all of this mess I've been trying to catch up with a few things, decide what to pack, what I would need, look for apartments with Amanda on her days off, and do homework. Needless to say, I have been exhausted. I have had a couple of panic attacks. I have been really worried. 

The good news. We are going to be going back and forth between our friend's house and our house, just because we can't bring Narcisa with us to our friend's house. One of our friends is very allergic to cats and Narcisa needs lots of love and cuddles. So we are kind of doing a week here and week at home. That kind of gives me a little more time to get things sorted and packed, spend time with the neighbors, Narcisa, and do homework. 

Also, We have found a couple of apartments that look promising, we just need to find one that has an opening. We saw a beautiful apartment complex out in Mead, that's a town North of Spokane that Spokane kind of bleeds into. Anyway, it was built by the Germans and Scandinavians for the 1974 World's Fair. It's beautiful and they are updating and remodeling the insides. There are so many trees! But it's kind of far and I don't know how many of our friends will really come and see us if we live that far north. We are going to keep looking and see if some of the places we have already looked have opening's available in the next month or so. 

I have more news, but I really think it is better suited for another blog post...       

Since I've been in Kansas...

You'll have to forgive me if this comes out scatter-brained and weird, the last several days have sort of melted together. So I am just going to break it down by person.

My cousins, they are doing well and getting along as well as they usually do. My cousin Shi-chan is still amazing and funny and I love that she's not taking shit off anyone any more. 

My Grandma. Grandma isn't doing well. She's 87 years old and while she's still moving around and doing a great deal on her own, she's become very frail. She has scoliosis of the spine and she's always stood and sat straight as can be but now, oh now you can visibly see is and she's bent to one side. She is also frustrated with my Grandpa and often doesn't know what to do with him. 

My Grandpa. Grandpa has Alzheimer's which I have mentioned before but he still remembers me and while it's progressing, he's still remembering a lot. He's not eating or drinking very much- which is a huge cause for concern since he's diabetic. He also doesn't remember taking showers and other things, but there are good days and bad days and that's just how it is. He is getting a great deal more ornery. Being that my Grandma is a strong extremely Christian woman, his cussing is getting him into trouble. He never cussed while I was growing up. Well, I heard him call some woman a bitch once and made me promise not to tell Grandma, lol. But now, oh boy, Grandma might kill him! He did spend a good deal of my visit with them telling me about stuff I had never heard before, which was great. I loved it. I will see my Grandparents again tomorrow and want to see them at least one more time after that before I leave. I am also taking that they are still planning to go to Texas for the Winter as a good sign that they are still up to doing things. 

My Dad. Oh boy, my Dad. He is exhausted. His knees aren't in good shape and one of his ankles is probably about to give out on him. He wears a brace but it just doesn't look good. He is very worried about my Mom and doesn't know what to do. I think sometimes he panic's because no one knows what the hell is going on with her or how to stop it. He's had to miss days of work to take care of her and he is worried about the stability of his job. Of course no job is safe or secure in this day and age, but, I don't know. Things just aren't good.  Given the condition of my Grandparents (despite them telling him to go where the jobs are) he won't leave them and frankly, after seeing them, I can't blame him. 

My Mom. Fucking Hell! I have never ever seen anything like her episodes before. I am not even sure if I know how to describe them and they are frightening. Firstly, her legs, arms, hands, shoulders, jeeze everything jumps. It's like she just jumps and flails uncontrollably and it's not like seizure activity. She sort of with it enough off and on to get up and try to walk it off but it seems like the moment she's up, she's not and she's sitting down again. She went to the bathroom the other night and when she's been in there for ten minutes and I kept hearing this strange noise, I got up to check on her. She was reaching for the bookshelf in front of the toilet to try and pull herself up but the moment she did, she wasn't really with it and her hands and fingernails would smack on the shelves. She also had frequent startled- deer-in-the-headlights-look as if she didn't know how she'd gotten where she was and that's when she'd try to get up but seconds later she was out of it. This went on for hours. And she was with it enough to tell us that she didn't want to go to the ER. 

The ER told her to go to her primary physician but they didn't do an  MRI or run any tests on her. Her primary physician said if things get bad, go back to the ER. So that's a very frustrating revolving door to no where. So, I called my Mom's neurologist yesterday and tried to get her January appointment moved up. Of course I didn't actually get to talk to anyone. They have a messaging service and if they call back, it probably won't be until Monday. If I don't hear from them on Monday, I am calling them again and I will be a thorn in their side until I get a reply.

My Dad says that the last look the neurologist did said- and she'd had an episode in the office while hooked up to some kind of machine that I can't remember the name of- they couldn't find anything wrong. There wasn't any sign of seizure or anything like that. The therapist who works with the neurologist theorizes that my Mom is in so much pain that her brain basically can't process or handle all of it and just shuts off. That this is somehow psychosomatic some way. But that doesn't really explain the jumping or the nausea.

She was on a medication for only a week that starts with an R- of course I can't remember what that was called- that she reacted to badly and was up for a lawsuit apparently. So I am wondering if it had a lasting effect and somehow messed her up. And that on top of what the therapist thinks is all somehow just one big cluster-fuck she's having deal with. 

I don't know. I am frustrated, scared, and thankful that today, at least, my Mom is having a good day. She's been doing laundry and she's had some actual sleep where she wasn't basically knocked out from the muscle relaxers and what little pain medication the doctor finally gave her. She thinks she's going to sweep and mop the kitchen and living room floors but I don't think I am going to let her. She needs to pace herself and no over do it. I am going to do the dishes and clean the counters and stove for her because I want her to rest as much as possible.

Other than that, I've slept, watched a lot of TV with my Mom (there were several things she wanted me to see and watch with her). My Dad has told me a lot about the MMORPG Eve, which sounds awesome and wonderfully complex and fun but I think I will just watch him play it some evening. And I've done some homework. I finally got half of it done today, which was awesome! My discussion board posts were late, but my instructors know what's going on and I am keeping them updated, and they are being so understanding. Oh and for some reason my laptop won't hold the internet connection very well, I think it's the piping in the house or something like that. So anytime I am online is either from my phone (which I hate doing because it is obnoxious) or when I am using my Dad's computer. 

Oh and I got to once again experience a Kansas thunderstorm. It was amazing and I loved every second of it. I loved the charge in the air a couple of hours before it, the kind of energy you feel when you know a storm is coming. I loved all the lightning and rumbling thunder, and all the rain, the smell of it, the fact that I had to dive 20 MPH under the speed limit because it was coming down so hard. OH it was fantastic!

Well, that's what is going on.     

Yellow Brick Road back to Kansas

I called my parents to see how my Mom was doing this morning. She's incoherent. She keeps missing the chair she's trying to sit in. She can't seem to get with it enough to try to turn on the TV and my Dad is afraid to leave her alone but he has to go to work. He's exhausted because he's only had 2 hours of sleep and so scared that he cried a little. My Dad doesn't do that. He also asked if he got me the money, would I come home to help. I told him I would and told him I would take care of talking to Grandma for him. 

So, tomorrow afternoon, I will be getting on flight to head home for a little bit. I will be taking my laptop with my school books so I can keep up with school, but I will also be doing as much as I can to get my Mom to the right doctors and find out what the hell is going on. I will also see if I can't start the disability paperwork for her or find a lawyer for her. 

This year is once again officially fired. 

Parents

Last night Amanda woke me up to tell me that my Dad had texted her, asking her to tell me to answer my phone. My phone was actually dead and I'd fallen asleep before remembering to plug it into the charger. Dad doesn't normally text in the middle of the night and when he does, it's always something serious. Well, it was very serious! He'd taken my Mom to the ER. 

Apparently Dad came home from work last night and my Mom's limbs were jumping a little more than usual. When I say usual, my Mom has been having trouble with her arms and legs jumping for a couple of years now. But what really gave him cause for concern was that it took her ten minutes to tell him that she hadn't washed his shirts and from then on she was incoherent. So he took her to the ER. 

The good news is, she didn't have a stroke. The bad news is, no one knows what the hell is going on with her. We are talking about a woman who, for years, has lived with chronic pain. She has a bone or disk degenerative disorder, herniated disks in her neck and back (seriously my Mom's neck feels like gristle), she's torn both of her shoulder rotator cuffs- had surgery but they are messed up again-, and lives with chronic migraines. Aside from that she now has cataracts and is going deaf. In the past she'd suffered from seizures and also from black outs. A neurologist once theorized that my Mom is in so much pain that it's like her brain can't handle it anymore and just shuts off her consciousness. Its happened  when she'd been walking down the stairs and while she's been eating. 

Because Kansas opted out of the health care act and my parents don't have a lot of money, I don't think anything is going to get done. Further, I don't even think my Mom's doctor is listening anymore. My Mom's doctor won't give my Mom any pain meds without her going to pain management, but pain management is vastly out of their price range. It is an utter cluster fuck! 

Worse, I called my parents this morning. My Dad was asleep but my Mom was awake and while it was comforting to talk to her, it was frustrating because she didn't want to tell me anything for fear of worrying me. She's so protective sometimes I just want to throttle her. No, there is nothing I can do about if from here. No, I couldn't fix it if I was there, but damn it, don't hide shit from me and surprise me with it later. She and my Dad didn't tell me that she was going to have surgery until after the fact when Dad sent me the surgery pictures of her shoulder. I was so pissed! 

Honestly, I just wish they would move up here, or wait until Amanda and I have our place in Spokane. We are getting a two bedroom and Dad could see about transferring to a Wal-Mart up here or even try to get another job in corrections. They could stay with us for as long as they needed and no one would mind. After all, they've helped me out plenty since I became an adult, I'd like to be able to return the favor. Also, if they lived closer, I could check on my Mom, or go over and help her out with things. Sure, I haven't been able to do a lot myself, but if she and I tackled things together, we could get them done.   

Creative October Day 2

Day Two

For day two of Creative October, I created a blog button, the photo of which is shown above. First I created the photo in paint.net, a free photo editing software program. Once it was finished, I went to photobucket, uploaded it, and grabbed the image link, not the direct link. Now, I had to look up a 'how to' tutorial and found this one to be very helpful, to create the actual button. From there it was easy peasy and just a matter of coming back to blogger, adding an HTML gadget, and inputting the new code I'd just made. 

I learned something new. 

Creative October Day 1

Day One

For day one of my Creative October Challenge, I made some bracelets. The very first is a Halloween charm bracelet with a Witch Theme. I used a lime green, green, dark-dusty purple, brown, and black beads along with the charms.

Bracelet # 2 is has a dark moon theme with blue, dark-dusty purple, and black beads. 

Bracelet # 3 has more of an earthy theme with greens and browns, complete with a tree of life charm. 

Bracelet # 4, last but not least is a Blue-Goddess bracelet. I used a couple of shades of blue and black beads to make this one. 

Haunted Humpday!

I didn't know if I was going to be able to do Haunted Humpday this time because I have something going on already for the month of October. That was really stupid of me, because I can totally combine the two! 

So for this Haunted Humpday's meager offering, I am going to triple dip and post the two poems that I did for my poetry class and that are being put into the IEPG newsletter. 

Dance Samhain © Hannah Richardson 

Come to the dark forest

Follow the black cats

Hear the witches’ chorus

Put on pointed hats

Dance Samhain with vampire bats.

Samhain Night © Hannah Richardson

Skeletons dance, old bones a clattering

Air chilled night sets teeth a chattering

Merriment comes for Summer's work is over

Hearty feast and Soul Cakes shared with a lover

Ancestors honored at the thinning of the veil

Iridescent spirits from beyond do hail

Night leaves fall to the earth

Neatly crushed beneath our mirth

Immortal Gods of old are felt

Giving blessings to all who helped

Happy end to a long, drown out year

The coming year none will fear

Happy Haunted Humpday!

Things are finally happening!!!

Today, this is me!

This morning I took Amanda to her job interview, which she said she felt really good about. Afterward, we stopped by McDonald's so I could go to the bathroom and so we could get something cheap to eat. Then we went to Cathrine's so I could get two pairs of jeans (on a credit card of course) and then went to Lane Bryant to use her birthday cash to get her a skirt, shirt, and a duster- which we will share. From there I took her to work and came home to start my homework. Not but a few hours later, she called her parents to tell them that she got the job! She'd actually been called half and hour to two hours after the interview and they want her to start on the 9th of October! I am so freaking excited for her! Excited for us both too! We will finally be able to finish paying stuff off and get a place of our own! It will take a couple of months to get things squared away, but FINALLY! Things are looking up and moving along. I feel like the limbo we've been stuck in for the last couple of years is almost over. 

Aside from all of that, I'm feeling a little better in some respects. I don't know if it's just the change in season and the seemingly lightening of my depression and anxiety or what, but I will take it. I actually want to do things that I've had the want to do but lacked the drive and energy. Even yesterday, even though it was a bad day period and pain wise, I wanted to do stuff. I ended up pushing most of my homework off because I was in a lot of pain but the drive was still there. 

I did get some sad news from my parents. I think I mentioned it before, that my Dad's job is kind of iffy again and that my Mom has cataracts. I am hoping that my Dad's job issue can work itself out for the better. For my Mom, I don't know what to do. Kansas opted out of health care and my Dad's work insurance doesn't seem to really cover much as far as eye health goes. My Mom needs new glasses and surgery. The glasses might be doable if they can get enough saved up for them and she will need transition lenses because she's not supposed to go outside without sunglasses of some kind. The surgery is a bigger issue though. I am really worried because my Mom is already going deaf and has been for many years. I don't want her to go blind as well. She is going to try for disability, finally. She probably should have been on it a long time ago. 

At some point, after the stuff from Torrid comes in, I will probably do a post showing some of the cute clothing we've got for this fall and winter. 

Lastly, I finished all of my poetry class homework today and will start my Shakespeare homework tonight. I am loving this term of school, I thought it would be a heavy term, filled with huge assignments and lots of stress, but so far it's been wonderful. I'm managing to get everything done early, which is great! I love having some time to actually read a novel for a change.  

Halloween gift swap, Fairy, October challenge, catch up

The lovely Holly from over at Gypsy Spirit Rising sent me this lovely glass pumpkin, beautiful autumn cloth flower mix, and that cute pumpkin charm, for the Halloween gift swap Ms. Misantropia hosted this year. It was such a nice surprise in the mail, I only wish I had gotten to blogging about it sooner. It was the first Autumn/Halloween decoration that I was able to put up since Amanda's Mom doesn't want anything out until after her "brother/sister party" this weekend. Ha! I got to have this out because it came in the mail.

A couple of months ago Amanda, her cousin Kat, and I went to a little shop called The Mud Puddle. It is a ceramics shop where you can pick something to paint with either acrylic or glaze and later take home. I chose this cute little fairy and unfortunately the camera on my phone doesn't do all the color justice. For instance her dress is actually teal and her wings are jade. Anyway, we finally finished getting our respective pieces painted and the shop owner fired them. We picked them up yesterday and I am really happy with how mine turned out. I would love to do a series of these but I don't think my wallet would be to happy about it. 

Amanda and her friend Dani came up with a creativity challenge for October. Basically either by yourself or with a group of people, you need to create and finish something everyday during the month of October. I was invited to play along and it's such a neat idea that, I told a couple of friends about and now I am sharing it here.  More details are in the flyer  I made above. Anyway, we aren't really hosting this per se, just doing it to do it. So there aren't any prizes. This is just an exercise in getting the creative juices flowing. 

This week I have been babysitting my neighbor's youngest while her second child is at school, for a few hours. She is in college and it is harder than hell for her to focus with a 2 year old getting into everything, constantly talking, and constantly banging on things. A picture of what's going on is that she will set the kids up to play, watch a movie, or eat lunch and go out on her patio to start homework. Every five minutes without fail one or the other or both boys is at the back door, thus she can't seem to get anything done. So yeah, I've watched the youngest two mornings this week, and then gone home to work on my own homework. 

Amanda's birthday was this Monday. I think it was a nice little party, very low key. I would have liked to have done something bigger or more for her, but we didn't really have the time or money. I'm a little peeved that one of our friends asked what she should get Amanda as a gift. I told her a great idea and said friend decided that it wouldn't get here in time (which is utter bull shit) and decided to get her something else. Once again, if it isn't her idea, then she's not going to do it and that kind of shit gets old very fast. Moving on.

I have been having trouble with my period again. I woke up early this morning fearful of a mess and was relieved to not find one. However, I'm in pain from other issues and have sat at my desk about as long as I can stand for the time being. I also need to go eat breakfast of some sort.  But aside from that, school is going pretty well, the homework hasn't been too difficult this term- it is only the first week. 

One last thing. Miss. Narcisa slipped out of the house last night, probably through Amanda's Mom's bedroom window. We didn't even know until she was sitting outside our bedroom window crying to be let in. There was also another cat who was bitching at her. Anyway, I didn't know this since I was at the neighbors doing homework. Amanda was the one to rescue the little brat and then came over to tell me what has happened. I am getting really tired of her getting outside. It is not safe here. We have drunken stupid neighbors who don't pay attention to people or even other cars in the parking lot. There are other animals (like moose) in the area and construction going on behind our apartment. Besides, she knows she'snot supposed to be outside without her harness and leash. Guess I am going to have scare her again to deter her from wanting to go out. I hate doing that. 

When you sit outside...

Today was another of those asshole-ish days wherein Amanda and I were both depressed. She spent most of the day applying to jobs and I got a late start because I was in a lot of pain. I sat on the sofa with my coffee, the heating pad for my back, and the 4th volume of Sandman by Neil Gaiman. I ended up falling asleep, hence the late start. 

The rest of my day was pretty uneventful. I went to the neighbors a few times, watched a movie alone and another one with Amanda, and ate dinner. It wasn't until I went over to the neighbor's this evening that things got interesting. 

My neighbor finished a test, we talked, and coaxed Amanda out of the house to play a bizarre, hijacked version of Contract Rummy. My neighbor calls it Prison Rules, because we've tweaked it and made it so weird- not sure why she calls it that. Anyway, we played several rounds. Amanda and the neighbor drank beer, I drank water, and we ended up watching screaming goat videos on Youtube. 

But after awhile the cold got to be too much for me, so I came home and immediately found the space heater. Amanda doesn't like it when I am freezing and get into bed because my feet, legs, and yes even my ass are generally very cold. I don't much like it either because it takes forever for me to warm up. So, I've been sitting in front of our little heater in bedroom and am nice and toasty. Bonus, I am tired, so it shouldn't take too much for me to fall asleep. 

I did make some decisions today. 

1. We are going to stay home from the Mabon celebration with the IEPG. We just don't have the money for gas to go there and still have enough for Amanda to get to and from work. Also, it's Amanda's dad's birthday. 

2. We will probably also stay home from the Kemmetic class as well. I know some people are going to be disappointed, but we jut can't afford it. 

  3. Amanda and I have decided exactly what we are doing on Halloween. Fiona wanted us to come to her place and the twins wanted us to go to their place. Well, we don't really have the money for either and we're not letting our friends throw money for gas at us. So we are going to enjoy a nice night at home. Besides, we aren't going to have any extra money because we will have paid bills and spent anything extra on our anniversary. Given the summer we have had, we deserve a nice, big date day/night and everyone else can go fuck off.

Surprise? Switched some things around and books

For a couple of days it was miserably hot, but we are finally back to cool, fall weather. Whoot!

I got what I think may or may not be a pleasant surprise when I checked my grades for last term. First, let me say that I passed my photography class, although there were some bitchy comments left by my instructor to which I flipped off my computer screen, called her a hinky bitch and moved on. Very adult, I know. The point is I passed. I also got an A in my New Media Publishing class, but I knew I would. However, when I went to check my grades yesterday, I also checked on my new term classes, which I thought began today since yesterday was the end of my break week. Um... the open date for module one for both classes isn't until the 21st. I mean having an extra week break from school is freaking fantastic, but it is kind of weirding me out. Don't worry, I can handle change, I just want to be certain that I'm not going to be dropped from my classes if this isn't actually a break week and the school got something wrong. I'm going to sent my adviser an e-mail today and do at least the icebreaker posts in each class to secure my spot for the day. 

Friday, last week, I decided Amanda and I needed a change. Neither of us have been very happy lately and to say that we are struggling, is kind of putting it mildly. So, I switched some things around in our bedroom. Where my two bookcases were, the bed now sits and where the bed was is where the book cases are. I also moved the dvd media case and my bedside table and moved the rolling craft drawer thing over to become her bedside table. She liked this change at first, but when we came home yesterday she kind of had a freak out. Of course I think that's more to do with the fact that her parents were trying to be helpful (despite us telling them REPEATEDLY -I really can't stress that enough- not to do our laundry) and did our laundry. It was all laid out on the bed. As a result, we came home at 2 am last night to half dried laundry laid out on our bed and this morning Amanda went to get work clothes and they were more or less still wet, not damp, wet, in the hall way closet. The reason why we don't like them to do our laundry is because point of fact, we are fat girls and don't like our stuff shrunk in the dryer. Also, our clothing is a little more expensive and when a lot of what we have is dryed over and over again, it gets ruined. Anyway, so yeah, last night wasn't so great for the bedroom change. She was upset over some stuff impeding her walkway too, but that is an easy fix. 

Saturday, this last weekend, we went to our friend Chris' house to do a late birthday party for her. She had the house to herself this weekend. Anyway, I made her dinner and a birthday cake complete with black icing. We watched a scary movie, a comedy routine, and listened to music while painting. Amanda did some job applications while we painted. Yesterday, Amanda went to work and I stayed with Chris all day. Fiona had her Mom bring her so we could to the Spirituality circle. We went to that and then went to dinner at our new friend Birdy's. It was fun and after that, we went back to Chris' house to get our things, have some cake, and watched another comedy routine. I fell asleep while watching it and Fiona and Amanda had to wake me up. I hate doing that. But it was a fun and relatively peaceful weekend. 

On to books. I have a lot of reading to do this coming term. I'll be reading A Midsummer Night's Dream, Richard III, and Hamlet, oh and also Macbeth, all within 8 weeks. I can do it! I will also be reading poetry and writing it for my poetry class. Honestly, I kind of just want to read nothing but mass market paperback fiction. I have several Paranormal and Urban Fantasy novels that I want to curl up in bed with, coffee or tea included. I might do just that a little later. 

Writing. I am having some trouble writing and I think it all stems from the intensity of my depression and anxiety lately. I'm not having writer's block and I'm not too worried about writing crap or fucking it all up, because I know I can go back and fix it. I just think its the depression. When school is going, it partly has to do with that too, but otherwise, yeah, I've been so freaking frustrated and depressed- tired, to just do it. Even getting Amanda RP posts lately has been a struggle. This shit is getting old. And confession time, I'm starting to not even like writing anymore- which pretty much devastates me and breaks my heart ( feels like its the last piece of myself that's being snuffed out and there's nothing left but this hollow casing). It's such an utter struggle that I spend more time  agonizing over it than enjoying it. I guess that's what happens when people subtly suffocate you and say without saying that you're never going to be good enough for several years. No, I am not saying that I need my ego stroked, what I am saying is that when you can't even get certain key people in your life to actually read what you've written and you can't even let some people read it because of things they have said when some one shares another person's writing, yeah no. but I am just depressed today, whining, and lamenting my life in general. My choices and things out of my control really kicked the shit out me and I'm tired of trying to fight back, it's too exhausting. So for today, I'm not going to fight, I'm just going to be and if people give me shit, I'll throw shoes at them, because that's actually kind of fun.     

Migraine, free time, looking ahead

I wanted to start off on a positive note. Autumn is beginning to announce her appearance in my part of the world. The weather has been cooler- I actually got cold sitting outside last night, even had to wear a sweater. A few leaves, just a few, have already begun changing color. I, for one, am excited! I love Autumn! Of course not long after the change in season comes my favorite holiday, Halloween! Those things alone are more than enough to look forward to and everything else is just a bonus. Well, and my 8 year anniversary with Amanda. 

Moving on. Today I woke up with a migraine and it grew progressively worse throughout the morning. I finally had to take some advil and lay down in front of the fan. After a nap, I felt better but we have another round of company arriving today. I have plans to hide in my room and get some of the things I never seem to get done while school is going on, done. 

Yes, that's right. I have some free time coming my way and I plan to fill it with things I  want and need to do or get done. I plan to relax, to be sure and have fun too. Of course anything seems fun after that nightmare of a photography class I had. Excuse me, correction, the teacher was the nightmare- not so much the class.

The class is over and I am waiting to see what my final grade will be. I learned from another classmate that it's not just her or me that were having trouble from the instructor. Apparently, it appears that anyone not familiar and proficient with Photoshop had issues with her and everyone else was fine. She detailed how she was having a problem with an assignment and had to call the help desk and the help desk ended up contacting our instructor's supervisor. My classmate told me that after that, her grade plummeted. Which is utter bull shit. I included that in course eval of the instructor today along with my grievances and I have a record of everything for myself just in case. 

Anyway, that's over. I am looking forward to the next term. I am looking forward to getting some writing done too. I need to write a witch story for a magazine, edit, polish, and submit it. I have a lot of work still to do for my novels but I am going to focus on just one at the moment. Oh and Amanda, trying to help me out and get my back into writing, not just for school, suggested we do a written role place. I could start it, choose the setting, and so on. So I came up with an Elf, because I haven't really written elves in a long time. He is a magic user and that's all I am going to say for now because if I say any more it might spoil it for Amanda. We are only four posts in. I will leave you with what he looks like. Yes, I am designing his appearance off an art piece.