Tuesday, May 3, 2016

I did something big, maybe a little brave, but certainly something for myself.

In my previous post I talked about about jumping a ship. That ship is, in fact sinking, and will continue to do so, but it will do so without me.

I resigned my position from the IEPG council tonight after much thought, stress, tears, and consideration. There is one member on the council who is making it impossible to make the necessary changes to breath new life and energy into the guild.  This person also made it clear that the rest of the council members were not to go behind their back and have council meetings even though that was not what happened. We happened to be together and talking about how we have seen a decline in new people and a decline in regular members. We talked about out fears of the group diminishing and what we could do to help it thrive again. We made a list of concerns and some ideas we thought we could tackle and put forth to rejuvenate the guild. But this person made it apparent last night that they have control and and nothing will be done without their approval. More importantly,  this person made it clear that it is their group, they are boss, and the rest of us are basically all expendable and replaceable. It was a said as a veiled threat but I saw through it. It was what I needed to know to make my final decision.  

The IEPG meant a lot to me. I learned things, I grew and even outgrew the guild in so much as needing more intensive spiritual studies. I got what I needed from the group, which was friends, the ability to stand on my own feet again, and discover some spiritual direction. In the last several months I have felt over taxed, spread too thin, and drained by many things all at once. I hung in there and held on for as long as I could but after doing 4 tarot readings myself and a friend of mine doing a rune reading, I knew it was time to let go, and focus more on me.

What this means for me is that I now have a tiny bit more free time to myself. I will be focusing my energy on my career path, finishing school without worrying about if I've done enough research or done a good enough job on IEPG Esbats and Sabbts or workshops, and this gives me the opportunity to explore some things in a solitary manner. 

Oddly enough, I kind of feel better, even lighter. But with that said, I have some homework to do and I need to go to bed.


In the hour it between the time I submitted my resignation, I have since learned that the aforementioned council member is talking about disbanding the IEPG completely. Other council members have voiced that they have been thinking about stepping down as well. the person in control decided then to say that they also have been thinking about stepping down this week and that they didn't do it because they didn't want to leave the rest of us hanging. Another council member talked about those still around taking it over but the person in control isn't having it. Which means that that person would rather let the IEPG diminish and disband than give over even the tiniest once of control, to let other members help make it flourish, oh and it seems they want to be sure to cash in on the donation money. The two other council members that are left are trying to see that if the group disbands tonight, that the donation money is used for one last hurrah for the group. I honestly don't see that happening. I think I may have just lost all respect for the council member who can't grow up and stop being a selfish bitch.