Tuesday, May 17, 2016

New pain, withdraw issues, glasses, happier things

Okay so Monday was bad. Today is going to be better because I am going to make it be better, but we will talk about the happier today things in a few, Monday first. 

Sunday night, I woke up freezing and shaking. I was so cold that my back, shoulder, and neck were seizing up super tight. I don't know what I did to the muscle around my shoulder blade but it was hurting pretty bad on Sunday, bad enough to cause a migraine and keep me from moving very well. Anyway, back to that night. I actually had to turn on the space heater to warm up enough so I could move and go to the bathroom. Amanda had to fetch me water, and I had to lay in bed with the heater pointed at me for about half an hour before I could turn the fan back on and sleep. From that point on I had nightmares and that's how Monday got off to a terrible start. 

When I woke up, I could barely move and couldn't turn my head. So I spent a few minutes taking it slow. I'd seen my Mom do all manner of neck and shoulder stretches, so I tried those very carefully. They really didn't help. So I did my best to get up, get dressed, and move to the sofa and applied some heat. That got me to loosen up a little, but the pain was still pretty bad, bad enough that I gave up the brave face, broke down and took a pain pill. I hate them. 

I discovered that I did an assignment wrong in my writing class and will have to redo it, which sucks because I am a little behind in the class. I had forgotten about an assignment in my other class and it took me twice as long to get the homework done in that class as I had thought. So it's still catch up time. But I was really kind of out of it from the pain pill to do anything of value so I kind of poked around a little bit on the internet until Amanda got home and that's when shit hit the fan. 

I had a melt down over the dumbest crap. I was crying, I screamed at a spoon that wouldn't go into one of the silverware slots in the dishwasher. I wanted to call my Mom. I was upset over the fact that dinner wasn't what Amanda wanted but it was what I could manage. I was upset because the ants have migrated further into my kitchen and I just can't handle bugs (I had a really bad experience at my aunts house when I was younger that has never left me). I was upset over the fact that my house needs picked up but I couldn't move enough to take care of it and that I had homework to do but couldn't think clearly enough to do it. I was also upset because I realized that last night was an episode of withdrawal from my depression medication. I finally have my medical records and will be going to a place that specializes in mental/behavioral health this week as well as trying to get an appointment set up for the holistic doctor I found. So this has all been the unfortunate ugly combination of new bodily pain playing with the normal pain, withdrawal from medication, and depression. Thankfully this is all easily fixed or dealt with. 

On to more happy things. I got my new glasses in the mail today. I like them and you'll see me in them later. 

Amanda and I went over all the critiques my instructor and classmates did on my short story rough draft. I read her the draft and we discussed some of the things in the critiques. We also discussed some character motivations, building, and she also helped me hash out more firmly where I am going with the story. There's just one problem. This is not a short story. This is a freaking novel. A kind of Persephone meets Alice in Wonderland meets Epic Fantasy world fairy tale kind of thing with darker tones. I didn't mean to do it. In retrospect, I probably should have just experimented with writing another horror story, but this is where I was taken. So now I am going to have to finish writing out the 20-25 pages and hope I can cram in everything that needs to be there, remove the things I can safely cut, and smooth it all out successfully enough to get the job done. Hopefully I can manage all of this and still get a good grade. After the class, I will have to revisit it, tear it apart, and redo it as a novel. But that's a good thing. The only draw back to that is that this was supposed to be something to put in my portfolio as a piece I could send off to be published as a short story. Oh well. 

Other happy things are that I saw a cute little marmot running around in the grass yesterday. I also talked to my neighbor who recently lost her son. She looks good considering. 

Lastly, my Uncle Craig went in a few days ago to have some sort of surgery to see if he had lung cancer again. The results haven't come back yet and while he was in recovery, his heart stopped. They got him back but it was touch and go for a little bit. We don't know why yet and worse, he was in the room that my Uncle Chris died in- which was really hard on my cousin Shi-Chan and Grandma Diane and Grandpa Rip. Of course my aunt managed to find a way to be a bitch and make it all about her in some disgustingly dramatic display. But the good news is that Uncle Craig seems to be stable and doing better. They've moved him from that room and into a less critical area of the hospital. So I am hoping for the best for him. 

*Note Grandma Diane and Grandpa Rip are technically Shi-chan's Grandparents via her Dad, my late Uncle Chris. But they treated me just the same as Shi-Chan and her siblings. I'm not nearly as close to Uncle Criag, my Uncle Chris's brother, but he is still my uncle and I worry about him. 

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