I am going to apologize in advance if this blog seems or feels a bit scattered. It probably will be because I am a bit scattered today. I'd considered skipping the blog today altogether but decided that no, I did want to blog. Then, a friend of mine sent me a link to a blog someone write about blogging without obligation . I thought it was neat but it got me thinking about whether or not I really did want to blog today, or if I really should and while my body is screaming for me to leave the kitchen table and go lay down on the sofa, I'm telling it to fuck off, because I want to blog and can lay down later. My body and I have these conversations a lot.
Anyway, I can't remember if I mentioned the kitty pictured above or not, but it's becoming a regular visitor this week. The frist day I saw it, I looked up and though, huh, that's an interesting kitty shaped shadow- wait a minute, that's a cat! She or he is so pretty. Today, I happened to look up and see it stalking something and later, I saw it perched on a rock. I thought, it will never stay put long enough for me to grab the good camera, but I grabbed it anyway. I did not go outside, but took the photo from my dining room, through the window, so it's really not the best quality. What can I say, I didn't want to disturb the kitty, but wanted to practice some cat photography. I love cats in nature!
A couple of days ago I took the salmon out of the freezer to have for dinner with some friends. Something came up and they couldn't make it, so I put the salmon in the fridge. Typically I buy salmon in a can to make salmon croquettes- which is how I am used to eating salmon. Said friends made salmon fillets once and they were pretty good, I had some trouble with the texture, but not so much that I couldn't handle it or find the experience unpleasant. So, I wanted to try making salmon on my own and try a couple of recipies. Well, I did last night. You know, the honey garlic flavor was really good, but the texture really got to me. I just don't think I can really do salmon fillets. Which is fine, I can't really do it in sushi either. I'm just not a fish person. I like tuna for tuna sandwhiches and patties, and I am allergic to shell fish, so it really all just works out. The point is, I tried something new, learned something, and while I couldn't eat any more, Amanda- who really wasn't doing too well with it, promised to take some to work so it wouldn't go to waste.
Aside from not cooking salmon fillets again, I don't think I will be taking a friend for a post midnight run to the store again. My friend doesn't drive and we'd planned to do an errand day followed by hanging out and a late night jaunt to the store after she got paid. She put some gas in my car and bought us lunch, so I wasn't going to complain and it was a lot of fun. Except I had been up since 7:30 yesterday morning and was running on fumes and in increasing pain. With that combination, I tend to make not so great decisions and bought a bag of cheese puffs. I had just enough left in my student account from college. Other than that the trip was successful.
When I got home, I had that second wind, was a little hungry, and needed to let some advil kick in before I could even attempt sleeping. I ended up parking on the sofa, nibbling cheese puffs, and watching Vampire Diaries on Netflix. I am in the middle of the 5th season. Anyway, I watched three episodes, discovered that my cheese puffs are far more salty than I remember and actually a bit gross- haven't had them in awhile- and advil didn't do me much good. I finally hobbled off to bed after 5 am.
I vaguely remember Amanda being upset with me about something and asking about the car. I also vaguely remember being annoyed that she was upset with me when I hadn't done anything wrong. I awoke around 11 and have been sitting at the kitchen table, in pain, ready to cry since. I don't know whether or not it's the pain or that Amanda was upset with me, or even the frustration that I can't seem to focus on anything for more than a few minutes without wanting to throw something because I am in pain, or a combination of all three or what, but that's what's going on today. My house is a wreck, I need to figure out dinner, and I have a whole list of things I would love to be doing other than what I am going to end up doing. Which is to lay down on the sofa, rest, and hope that when it is time to make dinner, I have enough energy to do so. But whatever happens, I want today to end on a positive note. I know it doesn't hurt me to want, but in this case, it actually does. I want and need to have some form of accomplishment today so it doesn't just get shuffled into all the dark days of fail and anger and feeling like I am running out of time and wasting the time that I have. Depression and anxiety are whore bitches.
Happy last thought, I have coffee and pumpkin spice creamer.