Cycles, Sad kitty, and tomorrows work

 In light of some things that are going on in my world right now, I've decided that I need a little pick me up. Tomorrow, Amanda and I are going to finally tackle the stuff in the Bowie room and dig out the Fall/Halloween decorations a few days early. Decorating the house will help me feel better because decorating but also decorating for my favorite time of the year just does it for me. 

Narcisa is a little nuts tonight. It's our fault. We have been in and out of the house a lot and she's not sure what's going on. I'm going give her extra attention and cuddles so she knows things are okay. Sometimes I worry that she thinks we are going to leave and not return, which makes me really sad. 

Life has cycles and I am very comfortable and welcoming of this concept and reality of nature. The progression through the seasons is fascinating to me. There was this video floating about the internet where you could seen the change in seasons from space and it seemed almost as if the very earth was breathing, and it was beautiful. However, eventually all the breaths of life fade. 

I keep telling myself that I am ready, I am prepared, for the time when the cycle of life comes to a close for my Grandparents. They've been second parents, teachers, friends, and had a hand in raising me. I think in some ways, I am already mourning their passing before it happens. My Dad asked me if we could do a Skype call last night because Grandpa has been having some really bad days and was talking about how much he misses me. So of course, I left my friend's house and hurried home to get online to talk to him. Conversations with Grandpa are growing more and more difficult because of his Alzheimer's disease, and as natural as I try to keep the conversation, I can tell he struggles. I also talked with my Grandma yesterday. She is home now. Thank you to everyone who sent healing energy and thoughts. She is doing much better and is well enough to give me looks of disapproval when I happen to get a little too "crude" for her liking. I said the word "poop". I live with Amanda, poop is bound to enter a conversation at some point. Of course Grandma doesn't know this because I've always made Amanda be on her best behavior when around my Grandparents (almost at times on pain of death).

Grandparents aside, I talked to my Dad for a minute or two while on Skype, and I could tell he's not doing well. I got the sense that he's really nervous, sad, and maybe even a bit scared. Which scares the hell out of me. 

While I have that emotional tug and flux happening, I got a phone call from my pseudo brother the other night and it shocked the hell out of me. I've known him since high school but apparently not well enough. He not only cheated on his fiance, he had another relationship on the side with another woman. There were so many lies told. Now, I had spoken with his fiance a month prior and she detailed how awful he'd been treating her. But it is so much worse than that and knowing the how and the why makes me physically sick. The things he did and said to his fiance are just awful, that level of emotional abuse- I just can't- I'm having trouble processing it. And then he said he is a sex addict and was crying on the phone to me. I think it was an excuse. It is so bad that his fiance isn't even sure what she should do. I told her, if she needed to, she could come live with us. And really, I truly think she should. 

If that wasn't bad enough, I learned that Amanda's youngest nephew is having horrible problems in school. This is more than mere bullying. I don't want to say what but it is shocking and I'm having a lot of trouble processing that too. Honestly, even though I am not close with this kid, I just want to hug him and keep him away from the other kids. While I don't like his mother for various reasons, I will say that while she's a crappy person in a lot of respects, she is a lioness when it comes to her children and she is raising some serious hell. 

Anyway, things have been pretty rough emotionally the last several days. I did get a little bit of a break when some friends came for dinner and to sit in the hot tub. I didn't get in, but I went along. the Twins are up to go to Silverwood and decided to crash at our place. So, yeah, tomorrow I'll be doing some house cleaning, going through some stuff, and breaking out the Fall/ Halloween decor to hopefully take my mind of some of this stuff. Because while I know there are cycles of good and bad times in life too, this particular cycle is made of suck and needs pretty things to make it less so.

Restless dreams, the mermaid, and the nap.

I awoke early this morning feeling simply awful. I imagine I feel like the little girl in Spirited Away when she runs down the stairs at full speed and slams into a stone wall. I had a migraine too, but I think I caught it early enough that the medicine I took is helping. So, I will be able to take a nap in just a little bit, to kind of take the edge off how exhausted I am. It's so weird to say that I am exhausted and its not quite 8 am yet. Some days are just full of suck. To add to that, I had shitty, upsetting dreams highlighting the crap I learned yesterday from a friend. Not only was that not a good conversation, but trying to keep myself calm while on the phone with said friend was a bit difficult. Trying to keep it reigned in afterward was a bit difficult as well.

To distract myself from how awful I feel, I got on facebook to just putter around. That was a mistake. Not only was I reminded of something going on between two really good friends of mine, but I saw that Italy had a big earthquake. We don't have cable or even local channels and despite Amanda working at the newspaper, we don't have a subscription. I also don't go to news sites because well, I have depression and reading or watching the news just makes said depression worse. Ignorance isn't bliss, but sometimes it is necessary to help the healing process for a bit.  Anyway, I saw something else which infuriated me. Apparently, the lovely folks of my state have deemed it okay to kill an endangered pack of wolves because they are eating cows. Okay, I get it, a farmer loses revenue when a wolf eats a cow, but killing the wolves is not going really going to help. When you remove a predator from the area, other creatures normally kept in check are allowed to flourish and they can cause more of a problem in the long run- you know like potentially eating all the resources your cows eat. More than that, if we start saying it is okay to kill an endangered species for this reason, then that just opens up the door to kill more endangered species for what ever reason we deem fit. 

Of course, 9 times out of 10, I will take an animals side over a humans. But I like animals a lot better than I like people. Even possums, which I think are soulless and kind of freak me out, but that's a different story for a different day.  

I like mermaids too, hence the picture above, but that is also to because I am trying to soothe myself and bring a sense of calm to myself this morning before I make the gamut of phone calls I need to make. I want to talk to my Mom or my Dad, check on my Grandma, call Felicia back from yesterday, check on a friend, and talk to the doctors office. Thankfully, not all of those have to be long drawn out conversations. 

Other than that, I feel a little disjointed and not all together. There's a sense of being pulled in several different directions all at once, all these directions demand my attention. They are things I feel called to do, things I want to do, and things I need to do. Its very frustrating. But it is what it is and I will figure it out. After breakfast and after a nap. I think I am finally tried enough now to really get some sleep.

Important lessons, nursing dark chocolate, pain, restlessness

I made a toner recently. I thought that A) it would be good for my skin and B) because I have been wearing more make up, it would help soothe my skin. My toner is made up of 3 parts witch hazel and 1 part rose water. I use it in the morning after I wash my face and again at night when I have removed my make up. Except last night, for some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to use it on my eye lids. Sometimes, I'm not very smart. Sometimes I forget that I have very sensitive skin and my the area around my eyes is no exception. (I also sometimes forget that I gave myself a chemical burn with Nair once while trying to remove some of the eyebrows. It was a disaster by the way.) Thankfully, while I didn't end up with a chemical burn, at least according to what I could see, the area along my eye lashes certainly felt a bit stingy itchy, and kind of burn like last night. I told my friend Chris about it and got an almost Mom-like almost scolding. 

My eyes felt better this morning and good enough that I decided to try wearing make up. So far so good. I'm a tad peeved because it took me an hour and a half to do it and all I want to do is curl up somewhere and take a nap. I was rudely awakened by PCOS problems around six this morning and since Amanda had to be up shortly anyway, I just stayed up and made breakfast and coffee. Because of the PCOS problems of today, my back, my hips, and my legs have this incessant dull ache that is driving me crazy. This sort of pain is so draining, forget that I'm bleeding like a stuck pig, and they we add the energy drain from the fibromyaligia... I'm not a happy camper. But, I'm still going to get dressed and I am still going to go visit Chris today. I may just end up curled up in a chair with a small cute dog for cuddles. Chris is house/ dog sitting for a friend of ours and you know what, my friend's dog cuddles me more than Narcisa. *sigh* 

Speaking of my kitty cat, we got her a small box from the store. It was just something that had had cans or dry goods in, not a flat, a box. She loves to sit in it and Fiona and Amanda were sliding her back and forth across the carpet. Narcisa seemed to enjoy it. So, yesterday, I decided I would play with her like that too. Only I didn't have someone to push her back to me, so I was pushing her with my foot. That was fine until I sent her into the ottoman face first. She was not happy with me. Honestly, she was fine, just a little miffed. 

Anyway, I am feeling a bit restless today. There is plenty of house cleaning I could do and there are several craft projects I would love to do but don't have the time or quite the amount of energy for. I think I will stick to something simple, easy, like coloring since I am going to leave at some point today. And until lunch time, I think I will visit my fox cookie jar and nurse a small piece of dark chocolate to soothe my temperament.

My fox has all the best treats, lighting a candle for Grandma, and adulting

Had to gank a picture from someone else because my phone is dying and I'm not sure where my camera was put. Anyway, this is what my lovely fox cookie jar looks like. He's currently filled with fall candy- Kit Kats and an assorted mix of mini Hersey's bars. The hope is that we know where it is, but it is out of sight and therefore we won't investigate it as much... that's the hope, doesn't always turn out like that.  

Today, has been a little busy. I took Amanda to work and we stopped by Starbucks- mostly in effort to quell my bubbling road rage. Seriously, I was pissed! There is construction all over and there are three places where even on the highway, it seem there is a bottle neck that slows everything down. When I tried to take my exit, some jack ass just had to speed and zoomed up. Had I not checked my side mirror, we would have been in an accident, especially with how fast he was going. I thought, maybe I hadn't looked enough before trying to take the exit, but after seeing his erratic and dangerous swerving and speeding off the high way, well, I knew it wasn't me. My issues with road rage aren't that I am aggressive in driving at other people. My issue is that I yell at people and growl. I even sometimes flip people off or shake my fist like an old man. 

After Amanda was safely deposited at work, I came home to do my hair and make up for the day. I've been trying to make that effort because sometime it makes me feel better. Then I went to my therapy appointment where a little girl in the waiting room reacted to my make up and hair color, and wanted to know how I did it. I entertained her for a little bit, at least until she lost interest in me, and started fighting with her sister over books. 

I'm at the point where I just want to finish cleaning up the kitchen. I have to cook dinner and clean up after that, of course, but I also just want to clear off the table, sweep and mop the floors and be done with it. But I also want to paint something. I've had the urge since last night and yet at the same time, I just want to lay down and take a nap. Naps are nice, really nice and I am so tired of sitting on the sofa at night and crashing out. It makes watching movies kind of hard.

This weekend I got an e-mail from my Dad. He was at the hospital with my Grandma Evelyn. She'd been throwing up and almost passed out. At the time  he could only report that her potassium levels were very low and that her blood pressure was almost non-existent. Since I had spoken with her only the day before, my mind went to the worst thought imaginable, which was that she was going to die. Because that's what happened with my favorite Uncle. So, I was a bit terrified and called my Dad. Grandma was still alive but not doing very well. To make a long story shorter, Grandma has GERD and some other things going on that I can't spell, she is also almost 90 years old. She can only eat bland food and only certain foods and something didn't sit well with her. It took a day of being in the hospital and drinking water and eating ice chips before she could actually eat again, and only the blandest of things. She's home now, but really sore and not feeling so well. I spoke with her and was much relieved to know she was home and at least feeling a little better.

I decided that while my Grandma, a very devout Christian who doesn't know that I am pagan, might not appreciate a pagan prayer, I was going to do so anyway. I focused on a white candle, because for me white is purity and healing, and said a prayer. I set her and Grandpa's picture up on my altar and lit the candle last night, allowing it to burn almost to the base. I'll light it again tonight to let it finish burning down. It's really the thought that counts and it is one of the few things I can do from where I am.  It's so strange, I keep telling myself that I am ready for when they leave this life, but I'm really not.   

Can't hardly wait for Autumn, we've been moving some stuff around, and cleaning zones.

Fiona has been up visiting. It's been really nice, and even though she doesn't have to be, she's been really helpful. She even made dinner this evening and afterward, she helped me roll my hair up in curlers. Tomorrow she said she would help in the kitchen, which is really nice too, especially since I am trying to get the house on a zone cleaning schedule as well as get it actually, all the way clean. The Bowie room is still a year long work in progress and probably will be until the end of the year. It sucks, but that's the way of things right now. 

We've been in our apartment almost a year now and we're still trying to feel things out. Amanda moved my craft stuff into the living room, near the dining room, after moving my desk into the Bowie room several months ago. Then she decided that the crafts had to go into the Bowie room and my desk needed to go into the bedroom. Not all of this happened all at once, but it happened. Now the altar is where my desk and the craft shelf used to be. I like it. The living room feels a bit more open. However, there is this naked area of the living room that seriously bothers me. For Halloween and later Yule, we will have our respective trees there, but for right now, its so bare! Sterile even. Excuse me while I shudder. 

I almost can't wait for the Autumn season. There is a lot of stuff on my Summer/Fall bucket list that needs to happen. I am pining for cooler weather, pumpkins, vibrant colors, and of course Halloween. September 1st I plan to get the autumn/ Halloween decor out and begin decorating for the season. I also want to start my fall crafting about that time. 

Lastly, I've been having some trouble with my sinuses. Today I feel pretty icky and like I've taken the 1st steps to being down right sick. It doesn't help that we noticed two very large fires burning pretty close up in the mountains. The wind was blowing pretty hard today, which doesn't help the fire crews, and certainly didn't make me feel any better. I know there are more than just the two fires we saw today, but I'm not sure where they are. Anyway, I couldn't smell the smoke today, but I bet we will be able to tomorrow. I wouldn't go out in it, but I have a therapy appointment and need to return some books to the library.   

Waking songs, escape into art, and I'm not doing it until I have to.

Often I wake up with a song playing in my head, almost like a personal soundtrack stuck on repeat. We don't often listen to music while we sleep mostly because we don't have a radio/cd/record player in the bedroom, and also because pandora will drain my phone battery or do that "are you still listening crap". Oh and a lot of the streaming stations I used to listen to either don't exist anymore or seem to constantly buffer. Anyway back to the point, waking with music in my head. Most of the time it is a song I have heard recently that was stuck in my head during the previous day (it seems like if I'm not thinking about stories, agonizing over something that is bothering me, or tearing a subject apart, there's a song playing in my thoughts). But sometimes I awaken with a song that I haven't heard for awhile. Today it was Funeral of Hearts by H.I.M. 

Now that's kind of interesting because just recently Amanda bought me my 2nd vinyl record and its one of H.I.M.'s. I've  heard the album before but I haven't listened to the vinyl yet. Also, I saw the record sitting on the table yesterday when I was looking for something, but at the time, I had a much different song stuck in my head (I think it was something by Hildegard Von Bingen. I can't remember which song it was but I will link something of hers below), but isn't it weird and neat that something I saw yesterday could invoke a song that I wake up to? I kind of want to look to see if there is science on that.

Hildegard von Bigen

Nene Thomas

 Moving on. Nene Thomas is one of my favorite artists and when we first moved in our apartment, I was in the market to buy some of her art work for our walls. Well, I didn't have too much money to spend and I couldn't decide which piece I liked best, so I bought a calendar and some vinyl record frames and have several lovely pictures of hers hanging in the living room. The one above happens to be one of my favorites. Its a dark-haired witch with a little dragon and lots of my favorite color- green. When I sat down on the sofa with my breakfast this morning, I looked up and saw this picture. Without so much as a thought, I asked the picture "can I come in there today?" I'm not sure why or what spurred that on, it felt more like a sudden desire and impulse. It could also be my subconscious telling me that I need a little bit more time with escapism before I crack down and get to work. I'm only running with that thought because of yesterday's inspiration in watching some anime. I tend to draw my inspiration from things I watch or read and sometimes from music.  

To go along with that, I am not getting dressed until I absolutely have to. I'm also going to lay on the sofa and not beat myself up about taking a nap if I happen to fall asleep.  Fibromyalgia has been kicking my ass lately and so has the PCOS. Yesterday I jarred my back so badly while making dinner, I wanted to vomit, and I did it by hitting my elbow on something. Its nothing new, I do it all the time, but it has never hurt that badly before. Anyway, I am resting today so I can be more refreshed tomorrow. At least, that is my hope. I would like to make a grocery bag holder for my kitchen tomorrow and maybe start planning out my Halloween or Gothic Quilt.  Mary over at Autumn Moon Enchantment has been inspiring me through her blog and Instagram. I saw one of the quilts she is making on instagram and while mine probably won't be as nice (I've only made one small lap quilt) I still want to try more. 

Getting to some things and some inspiration

Off and on, over the last couple of years, I have splurged and bought a couple of anime series'. I never seemed to get around to watching them because I was busy or I felt guilty because I wasn't doing homework, Amanda wanted to watch something else, and or I wanted to do something with my hands and couldn't do that and watch it at the same time. Since I knew I was going to need some decompression time when I got out of school, I promised myself that I would save my anime until then. Well, it finally happened. 

Yesterday I started Kamisama Kiss. I thought that I had the whole series but I only have the 1st season, which was made apparent to me when some subplots were left unresolved. At first I thought that this was another of those anime wherein to get the final chapters of the story, I would have to locate the manga and read, which is fine by me, but as it turns out, while there is a manga, there is also a second season. I'm really excited about that because I really liked this anime. It was lighter, fun, and totally adorable. I watched the English dubs this first time around because I like hearing American VA's. Second time around I want to hear the original cast and see the differences in scripting.

Diabolik Lovers...  Make sure you read and pay close attention to the plot description before buying this one. I didn't. I remember thinking, ooo a reverse harem and vampires, oh my I must see this and didn't look any further than that. I had no idea this was based off a visual novel game nor did I realize how rapey it was going to be. I watched the whole 12 episodes thinking, these guys are terrible, surely she's going to kick their asses and put them in their place! I kept hoping there were some redeeming qualities for these boys, but nope, not really, and the dark haired one with glasses is probably the most sinister of the whole group. Apparently there are two more seasons after this and there was also a stage play done of it. I can only hope that by the end of this story something positive comes out of this and the girl kicks the shit out of these boys. I don't understand the whole fascination with women being so subservient, taking abuse, and if they just hang in there and get to the bottom of the whole "he must be misunderstood and hurting" crap. No, it is simply unacceptable and frankly I am deeply bothered that this story line has had such success. 

On a much happier note, I have the final act of Inuyasha and Seirei Moribito to look forward to next and a whole bunch of stuff on netflix and amazon prime. Lastly, I can say that while I was enjoying Kamisam Kiss and cussing the tv out over Diabolik Lovers, I was getting some creative inspiration more so with the latter. I will certainly say that was 1 of 2 positive things  about Diabolik Lovers. The 2nd was that the animation was pretty, at least in the beginning. Kamisama Kiss was pretty the whole way through and really made me happy.

Making way for better health physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

mandeemaggot23's The Zen Goth

It has been a couple of days since since my last post and while some of the things I am addressing in this one aren't new topics for my blog, for some friends, and certainly not for myself, they need to be solidified here. I can be impulsive, generally speaking in good ways. For instance, I might have a wild idea for an afternoon jaunt (that's being spontaneous, I know) and sometimes I might say, what the hell at the grocery store. But most of the time I tend to take a long time to really think about and process something before I do it, especially the bigger things, like being healthier in all areas of my life.  I''m going to break it down, more for myself than for you, to make sure I get to all the "big" things, and I will start with the easiest. 

Physical health. I love food. I love to try different tastes and recipes and then to tweak recipes or create my own. No, I don't want to be a chef- my Aunt Melody thought I should go to culinary school but I thought it would take the joy and love right out of cooking. There has been a bit of contention in the food department as of late. A friend wants Amanda and I to lose weight with her. I am on board for that, support from friends is wonderful. However, this friend is determined that we are going to go about it exactly the way she does it. That does not work for me. It never has in the past and worse, I actually gained weight in going about it the way she wants to go about it. I know what works best for me and I am going to do it whether or not she approves. But the sad thing is, this friend has been kind of lecturing us, and kind of making us feel bad. On top of that, she is pushing where to buy certain things. Amanda and I are going to have to shut her down. It can't just be me. It has to be Amanda too, partly because we've had friends try to get their way by  asking one of us (generally the one they know will say yes) to giving them what they want. I'm tired of that crap. But also because this friend needs to see that Amanda and I are a unified front and to back off.   

Aside from food, I'm going to work on getting myself moving more. I've hurt my back again and have been very exhausted lately (all things this friend also doesn't really understand). Baby steps, but they are my steps and trying to push me into too much too fast with result in a yelling match between us or me getting hurt. I don't want any of that. I am also going to be dealing with the doctor issues in the next week or so.

Spiritual health. Since leaving the IEPG council I haven't done a lot with my spiritual life. Granted some of that was due to finishing up school and a lot of things go pushed to the wayside because I was just trying to hang in there the last few weeks of my last term. There's a great sense of something missing in that aspect and I've thought about it a lot, not really sure what I wanted to do, whether or not I wanted to practice almost completely solitary (outside of Amanda) or work with a smaller, more exclusive group of friends. There is a lot that I want to learn and there is a lot that I've been given a taste of that demands further exploration. Then there are a couple of ideas tossed around or that I have had that I want to give a go. So, while there are some solitary endeavors, there are a few small group endeavors that I am hoping to lay on the table for some friends. 

Emotional and mental health. Amanda and I started implementing the zone cleaning, sort of. We had a lot to do this weekend and haven't been completely home for the start of this week. But the things we got done look great! Which has given me a boost emotionally and mentally. A house cleaned the way, I need it cleaned, helps the mental and emotional aspects of my life. Mostly because I am less overwhelmed, especially when I feel really bad physically and can't do as much as I want or need to do. It also helps in allowing me the space to work on a project without worrying that any mess from said project will only contribute to the mess.  

When I have good councilor, cognitive therapy does me a lot of good. I've found a therapist who I like so far and I am already seeing some benefit. Some of the things I have been struggling with over the last several years have been: a sense of worthlessness in that I am physically broken so I can't contribute in standard ways, a crippling lack of self confidence,  accepting my "new normal" (I still cry over the fact that I'm not supposed to vacuum and am reminded every time I try why its bad for my back), dealing with grief in several forms (I've lost privacy, some trust in people, and lost family who meant a lot to me- not just in the death sense either- and not just in the human sense), and while I adore and love the shit out of Amanda, there are times that I feel tolerated because I am her fiance, or that people like her a hell of a lot more because she's fun and kind of nuts- in a good way- more outspoken and so on. 

There have been certain situations and people who have helped to facilitate me in breaking down or who have kept me down. It's not all them, part of it is me exiting in what I knew as the norm for a long time and allowing people to keep me there. There are people in my life who have not been good for me, in that I don't like how I feel around them or how I've felt after I have been around them. Trying to change things for the better by working with them generally blows up in my face, more so from others but when someone exhibits the same behavior as other people, you have a pretty good idea of how things are going to go. Also, seeing how other people treat other people, how they bitch about people who have helped them... Sigh. Let's just say after a lot of thought, after crying over it, after being angry or upset, and over my therapist asked me to write a pros and cons list, I've decided to cut the toxic people from my life. Keeping friendships out of obligation, out of fear that they might harm themselves if I don't talk to them or spend time with them, dealing with manipulation and guilt trips, are not good quality friendships.  Why waste my time and energy on people who aren't good for me, when I can spend it on those who are? People who are kind, who don't have a five foot list of personal rules, and who don't shit on other people who did nothing wrong buy try to help them. 

So, yeah, I went through my google +, my facebook, and my blog, and removed and blocked some people. I am sure there will be a reckoning of some kind and I will deal with it when it comes. The point is, I need to stop trying to please everyone or make them happy. I need to get my own shit together and live my life instead of holding someone else's hand with the kid gloves on and being all the more miserable for it. I can't heal if I'm too busy trying to help or fix other people's problems much less allowing them to drag me down. 

  

Salad is my excuse to eat croutons and a thrift store find turned into diy goth goddess

Amanda and I found this really interesting wall plaque at the Goodwill store near our home. For us, it had a pagan feel and just seemed like it needed to come home with us. There was a very faint, barely there sort of paint job on the flowers and leaves, and it had some dirt in the nooks and crevasses. I didn't like weird dirty pink tone of it, so I decided to paint it. At frist we thought it would be a pretty Greenwoman. I've been drawn to the idea and image of the Greenwoman for many years. Actually, I was at a Renfaire and saw a Greenwoman mirror stand with a round mirror that set into the top of it and knew instantly that it was mine. Sometimes you just know. (Elen of the Ways is the closest I've come to finding a "Greenwoman" figure- not that I looked really hard until a few months ago when I saw some statues. Just kind of seemed like a rare thing.)

Anyway, I was going to do some "as I work" pictures but never seemed to remember to take them while I was painting. I'm sorry, I really got into it. So here is the final result. 

Believe it or not, trying to get paint into some of those tight and small spots was kind of difficult, especially when I was trying not to get it in places I didn't want it to go. I had to keep going back to do some touch ups. But no more, it is finished, sealed with a clear spray paint and ready to go up on a wall. I just haven't decided which wall and in which room as of yet. 

Yes, as the title suggests, the small salad I had for lunch which was basically mushrooms and spinach, was my vehicle and excuse to eat the seasoned herb croutons I bought from the store last weekend. I don't normally buy croutons and pretty much have them once in a great while as a kind of treat, but I was craving them for some reason. 

Since we happen to have mushrooms, another thing I don't buy often because Amanda doesn't like them and will only eat them if they are in cream of mushroom soup, I put them in my breakfast scramble this morning. That consisted of an 8th of a pound of sausage, onions, spinach, red and green bell papers, and mozzarella cheese. Because I woke up after Amanda went to work, I just made a small batch, just enough for myself. It was lovely. You know what else was lovely, pumpkin pie spice coffee creamer. Yep, we found some at Fred Meyer this last weekend. I love having it in my coffee. 

Catching up on August Break: Several day dump!

Since I am a little behind on August break, I thought I would just post my catch up pics in one post, instead of making several. So here we go, day 8- favorite taste- Tea! I pulled every pit of tea out of my pantry for this.

I have more than I did when we lived with Amanda's parents. She used to tell me if I bought anymore tea she would strangle or slap me. LOL! If she could see my collection now!

My mother might also have something to say about my tea collection. 

Actually, I mentioned that I needed more tea to some friends and they looked at me funny. You can't have enough. Sometimes I want to experience different tastes, moods, and so on. I like trying new ones and I am going to be using the matcha green tea powder in cooking soon. I found some dessert recipes that look amazing!

Okay on to Day 9: Red

One of my Indonesian puppets that my Aunt Pat brought back for me from when she lived in Indonesia. 

Day 10: Yellow

My Grandma Evelyn gave me this wedding ring quilt when I first went off to college several years ago. I don't remember if her mother (my Great Grandma Ireland) or if my Grandpa's mother (my Great Grandma Richardson) made it. Soft, and light, it makes a good summery blanket. It is probably one of the only "yellow" things I like. I don't particularly like yellow.

Day 11: Green (a.k.a. my favorite color)

I LOVE this piece. I don't know where or when we got this, if it was given to us, or what, but I really do love it. One of my friends thinks it is hideous, but I don't care. It's green! Plus, I've always really liked colored glass dishware.  

We bought spaetzle, I've been catching up on some things, and I made a thing!

A couple of weekends ago, I was talking with a friend about house cleaning stuff. She mentioned a couple of blogs for me to go look at and while I didn't read them in depth, I did skim lightly over a few. I intend to go back and reread them now that I am officially out of school. However, I had heard about zone cleaning before in a vlog one of my favorite youtube vlogers did. So, I implemented that sort of thing "my way". I'm sure my mother would have a thing or two to say about this list in as far as adding several dozen more little nit picky things (her OCD and I had many a fight while I was growing up). My mother is the kind of person who will dust, wash, and polish the baseboards. I don't have that kind of energy or time, so a quick sweep (or a lick and a promise as my Grandma Evelyn sometimes says) is all they will get. 

But more to the point, I made a zoned cleaning list. Amanda was less than enthused because its a chore list, but she does like the creativity I put into it. Instead of calling it a chore list or cleaning list, she calls it a "caper list". I suppose that's her way of making herself like it and be on board with it. So, here it is. I know the font might be hard for some to read but the important thing is that I can read it.   

Castle Nacht (night) is what I am calling our house. I have different parts of the house broken up into zones. 

I themed everything! I also split the cleaning list up into daily, weekly and monthly chores.

Obviously some rooms have more chores than others but at different points.

I think if Amanda and I take turns with certain things, it will help break up the monotony of certain tasks. There are a couple of things I am primarily in charge of and some she is in charge of that I'm "not supposed" to do on account of my back, although sometimes I will do them and regret it afterwards. 

I added a seasonal section for taking down and setting up seasonal decor, de-cluttering per se, and doing certain chores that only need to be done every few months. This list will change as needed and will most certainly change when we get a house. 

So that was the thing I made. Aside from doing that on my first official day of personal vacation, I have done blissfully nothing! Well, I've watched a few things that I wanted to watch and sat on my sofa just relaxing in the otherwise quite, dark, and cool living room. I didn't brush my hair for two days or even really get dressed, certainly didn't put on a bra- until after my shower today- and just enjoyed some quiet time alone while Amanda was at work. We did meet a friend for dinner tonight and we were supposed to go to a library function out of town but missed that. I was a little sad, but it is something I can catch later. 

I am behind on my August break stuff again, but I'm not too worried about it. I planned to take some time tomorrow and do a little catching up with it and also maybe even do some catching up with my pagan blogs. 

Lastly, Amanda and I went to Fred Meyer on Sunday. We never shop there because its a bit more expensive than the grocery stores we usually frequent, but I wanted to look at their international section and see if they had some German stuff. They did! While I didn't find the Bavarian style mustard we'd fallen in love with, I did find spaetzle! I've pinned a few recipes on pinterest for it and will be making something soon. We also found a pesto spread and I bought a garlic sourdough bread for it. We don't typically buy bread, but every so often I want a sandwich or toast. We also picked up a few other things and I found a make up setting spray that I thought I was going to have to go to Ulta to get. Amanda and I also saw the new Monster High dolls and hate them. We decided that we will just get the ones we still want to get from before this hideous change and then ignore the new ones.  

Narcisa is staring at me. She's curled up on the desk behind my laptop, but I can feel her eyes. She's telling me to go to bed. If I wasn't tried and didn't have a couple of appointments tomorrow afternoon, I'd ignore her. 

Bucket List update and Tarot and Oracle cards.

I wanted to update my bucket list and this is one of those things that has been on a mental bucket list. You know the ones you file away for a rainy day. Well, this set of tarot cards has been on one of those lists. I fell in love with Ian Daniels' art when I picked up the book Vampires, A Field Guide to the Creatures that Stock the Night several years ago for book research and fun! When I learned the artist had a tarot deck, it went on my "I need/want/going to get someday" list. That counts as a bucket list, because I said so. 

These cards are just beautiful.

Anyway, we picked them up at Hasting's this weekend and they did not disappoint. In fact, they are lovelier than I had imagined. It's not just a regular tarot deck. It is so much more! You get a tarot profile per se. For instance my dynasty card is The Moon, from there I have a blood line card, a Vampire court card, and a Vampire clan card and those create your profile and then from there you look at those cards to find images and things that relate to you. There is a lot more to it, I haven't read all of the information in the book, but I will. 

My friend Fiona surprised us this weekend by giving us her Oracle of Shadows deck. I couldn't believe it A) because I have wanted them since I saw them some time ago and B) because she collects tarot and oracle cards and they aren't cheap. 

On to the actual bucket list for this year...

1.Try Das Stein Haus this Sunday for dinner

2. Camp NaNoWriMo all of July (did not happen)

3. Silverwood with Amanda's parents on July 1st

4. Soap Making July 2nd

5. Seeing Lord Chaddum at Le Chateu Galunt (sp?) on July 3rd

6. Lavender Picking Festival on July 9th

7. Get into the SCA- This has begun and will be a continuing work in progress. 

8. Stargaze

9. Go to polka dot pottery

10. Do the Zombie Crawl

11. Go to Finch Arboretum in fall to do photos

12. Ride in horse and carriage this fall

13. Visit Greenbluff this fall for pumpkins, photos, and autumn farm fresh goods

14. See the Chinese Lantern Festival in River Front Park

15. Go to Scarrywood

16. Carve pumpkins

17. Make a pumpkin diarama

18 Halloween party

19. Make t-shirt quilt

20. Make gothic quilt

21. Make a crazy quilt

22. Make coffin pot holders

23. Host a proper tea party- might do that soon and Vanessa's Mad Hatter tea party.

24. Learn to make various kinds of candles

25. Start something spiritual

26. Go to the planetarium.

27. Spend the day down town.

28. Paint Night

29. Valleyfest

30. Erhu, learn to play

31. Go to the movies

32. Map out novel

33. Make Bread

I've added a couple more thing to the original list, and some things might get condensed in to one activity depending on what happens in the next couple of months. But I am making some progress. 

Quick Update

As far as I know I am completely finished with all homework for my Bachelor's degree and soon as the final grades are in, I can consider myself graduated. There is excitement happening, it is understated because I don't think it has completely sunk in. I am looking forward to the week maybe even two weeks of personal, decompression time, after which I will be busy splitting my day in half to pursue two things, my writing, and my etsy store. I'm not really going to go into the etsy store right now because I don't have everything decided upon for it nor do I have stock built up. I need to do a fair amount of research as well. Anyway, that is the plan. 

I saw my new therapist this week. I really like her. I think she is going to be a good fit. It felt good to make some stuff happen for myself. I'm going to keep that ball rolling. Part of that will be to start removing some sources of negativity in my life. While I know I can't get rid of all of it, I deal with the tangible. I want to be a happier, healthier person all around and if that means that somethings need to go, then so be it. I will not apologize or explain why I'm taking care of myself. 

Lastly, Amanda and I had a nice time visiting our friend Fiona at her house. Her Dad looked at our car and tightened one of the belts for us. Then we headed down yesterday to the Twin's house in Moscow. We are spending the day with them today and hopefully, tomorrow as well instead of going to Amanda's family reunion. I don't really want to go, I am a bit tired and would like very much to go home. Amanda wants to go to her family reunion but she also wants to hangout with the twins as well.

I am still doing the August break, but I am not in a hurry to keep up with it, at least not until I get home.  

August Break! Day one: Morning light!

This month, I will be participating in August Break by Susannah Conway. Above I've posted the prompts in case anyone is interested in doing this too, and by clicking the link, you'll be taken to her site for more information. The point is take one photo for everyday of the month but also to slow down and appreciate things and stuff around you, to live in the moment and so on. 

This month is a bit of a celebratory month for me as this is the last week of school for my Bachelor's degree. In a way, I feel this project is perfect for me because I finally get to just "be" for a little bit, I finally get to decompress and come to new projects with a fresh mindset and a little rejuvenation, but most of all excitement for the challenges ahead. Plus I am going to have a graduation party at some point- not sure when yet but there will be cake and it will be green with black flowers! 

Without further ado, I shall post today's first photo, Morning light.

I love morning light, there is something, a feeling that is cooler than afternoon and evening light. It's as if the world has a blue filter on and the light seems more pristine, pure, and new. I always get a sense of freshness when I look outside in the morning. One of my favorite past times is watching Narcisa sunbathe in the morning. She'll sit before the patio door and watch various bits of wildlife and bugs, the wind in the trees, take baths like she's doing here, and sleep. It's a happy, peaceful, and quiet time.