Wednesday, November 2, 2011

It's a cold, wet night.!

I love the rain! I love to be out in it, the way it feels on my skin, and the smell. I also love to watch it fall from inside my house and love listening to it. It's nice and chilly and we're getting rain. So I made roasted butternut squash, Brussels sprouts in a butter cream sauce, and sausage. My cousin Sheena was over to watch a movie. She liked it, my parents didn't seem to like it so much which makes me very sad. It took me a long time to make dinner and I was hampered by my back.

 Speaking of my back, it's really bad again today. Since I'm not getting any better sleeping on the sofa, I am going to try and sleep in my bed tonight and see how I feel in the morning. Something's got to give not only physically but mentally. The stress and tension level within this house is stifling and no matter where I go I can't seem to get away from it. I feel very on edge and very close to breaking. But there is something within me that keeps fighting. The only question is, what am I fighting for?

My family is uber pissed at me and letting me know it. Some of my friends, or people I thought were friends are ignoring me. School is going to shit and my back won't give me a break. And the guilt, as if I didn't feel bad enough people have to rub and grind it in.  And I think my parents actually hate my girlfriend now and its over something so trivial and I am caught in the middle. This is insane! I just want this all to stop! It;s driving me crazy! I can't sleep without nightmares, I have trouble sleeping... I know I am gaining weight again. I cry every day and when I do I feel so utterly exhausted. I don't know what to do.

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