At the risk of sounding wacko to anyone who doesn't believe in such things, I'm a bit of an empath, in so much as I can generally sense when something is wrong with the people around me mood wise. It is especially strong when I am very close to a person such as my parents or Amanda. Yesterday, Amanda was throwing off a lot of ick and I was picking it up. She's stressed about a lot of things and sometimes takes stuff out on me. I am guilty of the same, it's not something that I am proud of and it is something that I am trying to work on. My nerves have been especially raw as of late because I've felt backed into a corner per se, hence the little emotional outburst of last night's blog. I've also been dealing with a lot of feelings of loss and feeling like a lot of me has been stripped away, taken away, or that I've had to give up some things that I wasn't ready or prepared to give up. It's been getting worse and I feel as though I am floundering in the "who am I" and "what the fuck is going on" and "why the hell is this happening" department. Like I've said before, I need therapy. But I digress. the point it, yesterday was a bad day for both Amanda and I and we both decided that we need to trust each other more than we have been.
But like the title states, I am feeling a lot better this morning.
On to the bizarre! I think I had my first lucid dream last night. Perhaps not totally conscious, but aware enough to realize that I was considering changing the outcome of the dream. And what a wacky dream it was. I was in the Star Wars universe but also in my childhood neighborhood running around with Jedi. We were trying to stop an attack of demons, vampires, although I'm not totally sure why or what for, only that it was really intense, and there were vampires and demons on our side. So bad demons and vampires vs the good and the Jedi order? Anyway, a girl got torn up and died. It was so sad, it was so intense, and in a way tragically romantic because she died in the arms of a boy she liked. I remember thinking whether or not it would be better if she were made into a vampire and brought back or if the story would have more intense punch if she remained dead. I never truly decided before I woke up. I told Fiona about it this morning and she sing sang "fan fiction" at me.
Honestly, it was just the coolest dream I have had in a really long time. So much better than the dreams where tornadoes are chasing me.