Using two computers today, rawr, and pushing through

After my computer savvy friend looked at my computer, I went several days without the Blue Screen of Death with the page fault in non paged area error message. Then it started happening again. So I ran my updates, that should have updated on their own. Then yesterday, while looking at stuff on pinterest as well as pulling up my meal plan and looking up the recipes for that, I got the damned message twice within 20 minutes. That, is unacceptable. Trying not to panic or scream or cry, I shut the computer down and just said "fuck it" and seduced Amanda into having stir fry for dinner with the mention of those chow mein noodles. 

Today, I am running a hardware scan in the solution center of my computer and everything passed except the "local connection test" in the wireless section. There's a result code that I am going to go google in a few. I really don't want to send my computer in to be worked on. Amanda's experience with her Vizio was simply awful and I don't have the time or the patience for that. Plus, I don't like the idea of someone having access to my writing and photos. If I share it, cool, If I don't, it's mine and private. More than that, I don't want anyone stealing my work. 

I am supposed to write my Narrative paper today. To be honest, the subject matter is of interest to me, but I feel very lethargic today. There is a strong urge for me to crawl back into bed for a nap and I would, but I promised myself a treat after I get the paper finished. That treat is start painting a few of the things we picked up from the thrift store yesterday. I will do a haul post later, but for now I just need to push through this paper. 6-8 pages isn't too bad, not with footnotes and quotes. It is also double spaced. I am going to pull my sources up on my computer and try writing the paper on Amanda's today. This does not make me happy. In fact this pisses me off a great deal, mostly because Amanda won't be able to use her computer until I am finished. Secondly it pisses me off because my My computer is new and only a couple of months old, and I shouldn't be having problems with it. Third, I am more comfortable with my computer. It's mine. Working from Amanda's feels naked and disjointed. 

Well, it's time to stop fussing and procrastinating and just get to it.     

Yesterday's Shopping Adventure Finds and Impromptu Craft Project.

Yesterday's adventure of shopping didn't turn out as expected. In fact, I didn't even make it to the Kiev Market. I actually got it mixed up with the European Delicacies market. I didn't buy anything there and I think that was party because I was on the phone, but I did pick up a few things from the Oriental Market along the same road. One of those things being the Green Tea Powder above. 

I also found this tea and am excited to try it out

I bought this bottle of pomegranate molasses for Amanda so she could try it out when she makes her molasses cookies. 

Lastly on the shopping goodies list, I am interested to see what I can do with this.

Yesterday was a really hot day and I was out in it for a couple of hours. By the time I got home I was ready for the dark, arctic haven that is my house. Of course I had to carry in my groceries first. After putting them away and deciding to rearrange three of my kitchen drawers, I wanted to do something crafty, because sitting down to do homework when I was going to have to leave in an hour didn't seem appealing. 

I think I caught a ghostly orb. Taking some of these pictures was bizarre today. 

I've had this metal container and used it in our various bathrooms for as long as Amanda and I have been together. I've been meaning to re-purpose it for my makeup. I've decided to take a page out of Bane's blog and Goth it myself.

This is the finished product and version 2. The first go-round I'd taken a plastic/ rubbery bat, covered it with silver glitter, and then hot glued it to the container. Trying to fix it wasn't working so I just pulled it off and moved on to this. It is a wine glass cover for Halloween, but it still works. I also used mod podge to help seal the decal in and give a textured look. It was a lot of fun and I am looking forward to setting it up. 

Lightning, Tears, Taking matters into my own hands, Black Friday, and going on an adventure

Lately I have been following/ watching It's Black Friday on youtube. I really like her and more than that, she's be a source of inspiration in an aspect of my life that pushed aside to be "a little more normal" but mostly to please my Grandparents. It's been a kind of interesting internal battle with myself. Others in my life tell me that I need to stop trying to make everyone else happy and focus on myself. That' is true, but my internal counter argument is "what if making others happy makes me happy?" Obviously this is a battle I will fight for the rest of my life and in 32 years, I still haven't managed to achieve or let alone trying to master a sense of balance with it. I've been choosing to look at that as a life lesson. 

Anyway, aside from wanting to please people very important to me, it's also been a matter of jobs, of finances, and also of body size.  You know what, fuck that shit! At the moment I am a house-Empress soon to embark on building a small Etsy business and a writer. I can finagle finances as it comes and body size, you know what, fuck that too. A friend of mine said I should make plus size goth clothing and sell it. I've been thinking about it. For now, I am going to try to make a few outfits for myself and see if I really want to get into it. Everything I want to do takes time and the last thing I want to do is take too much time away from writing. 

Back to body talk. I got a little freaked out yesterday. I've been feeling bloated and my feet have been swollen, so I knew I had some water retention going on. Well, when the scale says you gained 10lbs over the weekend, no shit! Now we did eat out some this weekend and I knew I was going to have a little bit of weight gain, but not 10lbs. More than that, there is something going on, because my eating habits haven't changed, If anything, I am trying to be more mindful of what I eat and how much. I did have two days where I said fuck it, but there's no way any of my splurges should have caused me to gain 20lbs this month. I've had enough and I'm scared and pissed. So I am taking matters into my own hands.

1st, yesterday, I found a councilor on my own so I can start getting a better handle on my mental and emotional health. Secondly, today, I am going to pick up an over the counter water pill to see if I can't help myself flush some of this water out of me. Don't worry, I've been drinking lots of water, but need a little extra help. Third, I am going to be doing a bit of walking today, but I will get to that more in a minute. 4th, I am going to force myself to call an OBGYN that some of my friends have been to, instead of waiting on my doctor to handle things. 5th, I'm going in to pay my doctor for the fee she's charging me for not being able to make my appointment, so I can make another appointment and get some of the regular health stuff out of the way and also let her know that I have found specialty doctors on my own and express that if she can't make things move forward for me or hold up her end of the deal, then I will find another general health doctor. 

Last night after Witch club (which I really enjoyed) we drive home and got to see lots of lightning. It was beautiful and reminded me of home. I might have enjoyed it more had I not been sobbing for most of the ride. I was angry because of my stupid body and how it hurts, how I am tried all the time, and other little things.  I was also sad/angry because I feel that I facilitated the the destruction of the IEPG because I got tired of putting up with bullshit and trying to work with someone who wouldn't work with us. Other members of the council felt the same and stepped down as well and now it's not really a thing anymore. I mean I'm all for ends and rebirth, but that's never really going to be a rebirth, not the way it could be or maybe even should be. But the anger and sadness is that, I feel responsible for ruining it for others. I'm probably not supposed to take that on my shoulders, but I do. I try to take responsibility for my actions. 

Speaking of taking responsibility for my actions or perhaps this is a lack of action, I was reminded again last night that I can be a real idiot. Amanda and I have been busy with work and school, we've been trying to do more things and get out more often, and my house has kind of suffered for it. If I'm not doing homework or out of the house, I'm typically pretty tired and haven't kept up on the laundry and some days not even the dishes so I feel bad and don't want anyone to see it. Despite assurances from friends telling me they don't care how messy my house is, I feel awful that it's not clean and well organized, a quiet- well semi-quiet and calming place to be. I get embarrassed over the fact that I am always on my period and sometimes don't have enough energy to clean up all the blood that gets on the toilet or floor. To be honest, I have days, where just going to the bathroom takes a lot out of me. I don't want people to see that.

 But almost more importantly I understand that my friends are busy people too. I don't like to invite myself to people's houses because I don't want them to feel that they have to let me come over, I don't want to mess up any previous plans, I don't I don't want to wear out my welcome by making a nuisance of myself. I think I took some of my parents and Grandma's manner a bit too literal and I feel like some of my friendships are suffering from it. So again, I think this is where I need to step up a little. I need to be a little more self confident and just ask to see or be seen. 

On to happier things. I mentioned earlier that I am going to be doing a little bit of walking today. Well, I am going on a semi-short adventure to another Asian market- one that I know sells matcha powder-  and I am finally going to the Keiv Market to see what I can see. After that, it's off to Wal-Mart and Winco for the bulk of my groceries. I am going alone so I can take my time, see what I can see, and just try to enjoy it.     

Couch Potato time, need for planning, and sleeping on the sofa, and SURPRISES!!!!!!

I know I posted several pictures of Narcisa in the the tea party post, but she was allowing us to take pictures and not being a brat about it. So, here is another good one! I love this one. 

I got a surprise in the mail a couple of days ago, my lovely Swedish friend, Ms. Misantropia, had a giveaway not too long ago and I'd completely forgotten that I'd entered it. Anyway, her package arrived last week and inside was a beautiful necklace! She'd also sent a little something else and a beautiful card. 

Just a few minutes ago, our mailman knocked on our door with a package I had to sign for. It was my Erhu!!! As soon as I get it all set up, since the instructions came in Mandarin Chinese I have to watch some tutorial vids, I will post pictures. It looks awesome! But I don't get to actually play with it, until after I have graduated. However, I want to make sure it is set up properly before then.

I need to take some time today and make a meal plan and grocery list. I don't feel like going to the store today, that will have to wait, but I can at least get half the hard part finished today. 

Today, until I have to go and pick up a friend for her doctor's appointment, I am going to be a couch potato. I am tired, swollen, and I don't really feel very good today. 

Last night I fell asleep on the sofa while watching a movie. I woke around 4 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. So, I got up for about an hour or so and then tried to watch a movie. I made about half way through before I was tried again and though about taking a nap. I got just a little bit of one in before Amanda woke me to take her to work. 

Still, as crappy as I feel, I would like to go for a little bit of a walk. It's going to be hot today and it was a bit humid this morning, just enough for me to notice and say "eww". I would also like for my house to be cleaned up too. It's not terrible, its a matter of putting things away, doing laundry, and sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming. I need to clean the bathroom again, of course, but it can all wait until later. Like I said, I am a couch potato today. 

Perry Street Fair part 2- I finally got the pictures off my other camera!

Taiko drums set up at the beginning of the fair. they were really nice to listen to.

These drummers were wonderful and really got into it! 

the vendors go up the street several blocks!

The lower half of the street.

I was totally in love with the drums, as you can tell.

the Spokane Buddhist Temple building is really interesting. It has a modern look with a hint of Japanese influence. 

Fiona and Amanda sitting outside the temple for a rest.

This store sells essential oils, herbs, teas, vitamins and supplements. I would have stayed inside longer had it not been so hot and humid, and had my back not been trying to seize up on me. 

Well, that's the rest of the Perry Street Fair. While there is another street fair coming up in August on Garland, I'm not planning to go. However, I might head over to Coeur d'Alene for Art on the Green. Amanda and I have gone to Art on the Green a couple of times. I don't typically buy anything but I love seeing everyone's art and home made goods, hearing music, and getting to try food from local businesses.  

9th annual Mad Tea Party (my 1st)

Yesterday was the day of the Mad Tea Party! Amanda and I celebrated with our own "Mad Hatter" and Narcisa. We very well couldn't leave the kitty out of the mix, not when she was so interested. I would like to apologize for not getting the pictures up sooner. Amanda and I haven't been feeling the best lately, and we decided to relax, do some numerology, tarot, and simply relax a little afterward before heading out to see the movie Inside Out at a park in Liberty Lake. Also, I want to add that not only did we celebrate the tea part but in doing so, I can mark another item off my Summer Fall Bucket List. So without further ado, here is our party. 

We begin with the mandala curtain between the kitchen/ dining room and the living room. We decided to have the party indoors since we have curious neighbor children and a lot of our tea dishes are antiques and inherited from my Great Grandparents on my mother's side. 

The tea cart with two tea pots. Our friend Rachael, who is the owner of Black Fire Kettle Corn, left some of her lovely kettle corn for us, so I added it to our fare. We have cup cakes too! Mind the cat bed, Narcisa will be upset if its moved.

 Lots of fabric and pillows for comfort and to add in a little bit of a harem feel.

The ceiling.

Two tea cups for two different tea and look a duck!

Our Mad Hatter is has made her appearance behind the cookies!

Our Mad Hatter entertaining her guests

Passion fruit tea.

Blooming green tea with jasmine

Narcisa was happy to have treats of her own! She took a nice little nap after she ate. 

Amanda made up honey turkey, horseradish cheddar, and chipotle Gouda pinwheel sandwiches. I made a chipotle past salad, cut up a pickle, and set out the Swedish Ginger Snaps, Orange Sunflower crackers, and the Moonlight cookies. Of course we had Rachael's kettle corn as well.  

After letting that settle a bit, we had Green Tea Ice Cream (one of my favorites) and a cup cake. Amanda thought Monster High cup cakes were needed because our Mad Hatter is from Monster High. 

Afterwards we noticed that Narcisa had slipped away somewhere. 

We found her curled up under the tea cart. She decided that since we'd found her, she was going to entertain us by being cute and allowing me to take pictures of her. 

I'm looking forward to seeing everyone else's party! Hope you all had fun. Please stop by and see our Host's party, it was beautiful! Our host was A Fanciful Twist!

I could blame myself, I am at fault, but then it goes both ways, I must have jinxed myself, and health overall

I'm having a day of it, not feeling good, tired, listless, and in this one instance I happened to hop on facebook, I find that I can't find my pseudo brother at all, and his fiance is listed as single. I've texted my psuedo brother and gotten nothing back and much is the same from his apparently ex-fiance. I don't get it. They were so so great together. More importantly, why did neither of them tell me. A text, a call, skype, google hangout, a facebook message, e-mail, r even a snail mail letter would have worked. Certainly, I know I am terrible about picking up the phone and calling people, but they both know that and know why. There are other ways to reach me. I thought maybe it was all my fault that neither of them would tell me, but no, it's not. Both of them could have picked up phones and called me, e-mailed, texted, and all the aforementioned at anytime and I would have answered. But they didn't. I'm just so sad by it all. 

As far as jinxing myself, I think I did so yesterday when I mentioned to a friend that I was surprised that I didn't catch whatever it is that Amanda had. She's on the mend, that's for sure, but it seems today my stomach and I aren't friends, I'm tired, a little achy, and just lack almost all motivation to do anything. I kind of just want to curl up at the end of the sofa with Narcisa and sleep. 

My overall health is bothering me. Mostly, the more I think about it, the less I think the doctor I found and I are a good fit. I need someone who will actually do the things they say they are going to do. I can understand the leg surgery she had and her falling, but withholding information from me or pushing things off is not good. In fact, I don't appreciate it one bit. Honestly, it feels very much like I am a little kid being punished for something I didn't do. Which is kind of true, I am being penalized because I couldn't make my appointment and won't be able to reschedule until I can pay the fee.  

But, more importantly, at this rate, I feel that if I can't get a hysterectomy and get my hormones under control, I won't be alive much longer.  It doesn't seem to matter how little I eat, what I eat, or even if I exercise frequently, I still put on weight. I know I have fibromyalgia and the herniated disk, but I keep trying to push through all of that and get out, do things, walk, even when I am so tired I can't stand it. I am so tried of being angry and hating my own body. It;s mine, I should be happy with it, it's an amazing machine and I should spend more time being fascinated with rather than dreading whether or not I am going to be able to function during the day.  I am so tried of being tired I could scream. Most of all I am so tried of feeling like I am fighting a war with myself. 

Well there isn't anything I can do about it right now. I will have to deal with things tomorrow. Tonight I have to focus on making dinner and work on homework. I have a lot to do if I want to be finished in time to do everything I want to do this weekend. 

S. Perry St. Fair and our Asian market haul

This past weekend we headed out to the South Perry Street Fair. Our main objective was to see the Obon Festival being put on by the Spokane Buddhist Church pictured above. I have photos of my own of the church (except inside, I felt it was somehow disrespectful to take photos in there), as well as a short video of Taiko drummers, and some pictures of the actual fair, but they are on my other camera and I haven't pulled them off yet. I will, when I have more time at my disposal. 

The Buddhist church itself was a nice building and everyone inside, the Sensei and the folks down in the kitchen, were very nice. We had Chicken Katsu, a Japanese dish, and I bought some incense as well as some treats they were selling. Amanda pretty much devoured the teriyaki beef jerky before I could get a photo of it, but here are the other two.

Both were quite tasty.
After we ate, we went up to the main room or sanctuary of the church and listened to the Sensei talk about his branch, Shin Buddhism. Once again, while I value and appreciate Buddhist concepts and love it as philosophy, religiously speaking, I was reminded of how it just isn't for me. 

After the church, we walked up the street to see our friend Rachael at her Kettle Corn stand. We spoke with her for a little bit, and we walked up the street a little ways. But, I had to leave Amanda and our friend Fiona and head back to the car because my back was seizing up on me and worse, it had rained a little while we were in the chruch and thus is was horribly humid and muggy. I couldn't breathe very well. 

Once I got back to the car and had the air conditioner running, I was finally able to breathe easy. I called my Dad and told him about the Buddhist Church. He thought it was cool. We also talked about my computer and he had a couple of suggestions for me to try to fix my problem with blue screen of death.  We also talked about a couple of other little things. 

Amanda and Fiona caught up with me at the car and we headed back toward home. Well, sort of. I was ready to be home and yet not ready, plus I had pick up some toilet paper. So, I asked them if they would go with me to a little Asian Market I had found near our house. They, of course, agreed. I had three objectives. 1. Get macha green tea powder. 2. Get tonkatsu sauce. 3. Get red bead paste. I was only able to find one of those and it was the red bean paste. I did find plenty of other little goodies, just some things to try, and some things that I have had before and wanted a little treat of again.

From left to right. Red Beat Paste, some mushroom soup mix Amanda thought I would like although, the smiling mushroom on the package does creep me out a little, and Moonlight cookies. I've never had those cookies and would like to try them. The red bean paste is to make some sesame balls and a sweet treat. 

Strawberry and lychee ramune are always good. And I love the lychee water on the right.

 I bought two of the saffron flower packets, one for myself and one for a friend who makes saffron bread or buns. It was at a really good price. The sweet rice flour is to experiment with. I think my parents had a box of it in their pantry when I was growing up. I certainly recognized right away.    

I decided to try Assam Milk Tea. I have never had it before. I bought some Special Gun Powder tea which I have had and really liked. The Sunflower crackers looked neat, so I tossed them into the cart as well. 

Amanda insisted that we have green tea Kit Kats. She apparently really likes them. I really like them too and would love to get some more. I did some research on Amazon and learned that not only are there green tea Kit Kats, but there are Sakura Kit Kats! Which of course led me on an other search involving Sakura blossom tea and and then it kind kind of spiraled down from there- meaning that I spent a good hour looking up random stuff on Amazon and then ended up spending another hour looking at Gothic Home decor and clothing inspiration on Pinterest for another hour after that. Don't ask how I went from food, flowers, and herbs, to gothic stuff, my mind is messy even for me. LOL!

Lastly, for those of you who haven't seen, Narcisa gave me a rare photographic moment wherein she did not turn her head right as the photo was being taken. In fact, I dare say she posed for this picture and allowed me to take it. I am ticked pink, of course. We were playing in the bed. She loves to play in the sheets and blankets.